My phone chimed with a text message…

-I want to see you

It was Brian, the 6’4, chocolate-brown hottie I had given my number to in a random moment of super self-confidence.

It had been a week since our steamy first date, and we’d been talking on the phone and texting every day. I knew I had to be careful with Brian because our attraction was so intense. The chemistry we had in just our eye contact was enough to pull me out of my comfort zone and make me give him my number. The chemistry we had on the dance floor was enough to make me break my rules about first date kissing. I knew it was a slippery slope with him because I wanted him physically but I was looking for something more than just mutual attraction. I was ready for a relationship and I needed to make sure I got to know more about Brian before things went any further. I sent him a text back

-I’m free tonight, where do you want to go?

(Side Note: When I text a guy “what do you want to do?” 99% of the time it sends their mind straight to the gutter and I get a sexual response, but asking “where do you want to go?” lets them know that I’m looking for a get to know you/dating situation). He texted back:

-Lets go to the movies

-Cool, when do you want to pick me up?

-How about we just meet at the theater. 9pm?

I frowned a bit at him not wanting to pick me up properly, especially since he’d be passing my apartment in order to get to the theater downtown. But I brushed off my annoyance and agreed to meet him at 9pm.

Around 7:30, as I was getting out of the shower, I got a phone call, but it was “Private”. Normally I ignore blocked numbers but every once in a while curiosity gets the best of me,

“Hello?”

“Yeah, who’s number is this?” a woman’s voice answered.

“Excuse me?”

“Who’s number have I reached? What’s your name?” she pressed.

“You called my phone, so maybe you should let me know who you are…” I said slowly.

There was a pause.

“Do you know someone named Brian?” the voice said.

My heart dropped.

“No, sorry… I don’t,” I sighed.

“Are you sure?” she said, I could hear the exasperation in her voice. “I’m his girlfriend and I found this number in his phone.”

“I don’t know him,” I said. Which was the truth… two weeks of talking on the phone, a date and a make-out session clearly doesn’t mean you know a person.

There was no way I was going to act out some Brandy and Monica “The Boy is Mine” drama with this girl over Brian. She could have him. I hung up the phone, threw on my fuzzy robe, poured a glass of wine and curled up on my couch.

At 9:15 Brian started calling to see where I was, I ignored his calls. At 9:30, he sent a text.

-Hey gorgeous, are you close?

-Your girlfriend called me, good luck with that.

This weekend I hung out with Match.com and took a look at their Singles in America study with data from Dr. Helen Fisher. There was a lot of interesting information about how single people operate these days. Here are some of the facts that surprised me:

• 45% of people had a friends with benefits relationship turn into a long-term partnership Dr. Helen Fisher says that “Friends with Benefits” is emerging as the new pre-relationship status. Maybe that’s the true definition of ”Its Complicated” on facebook! I’m not a big promoter of the whole FWB situation if you really want more from the person than the physical, but apparently its working for someone!
• 40% of people have fallen in love with someone they weren’t initially attracted to I found this to be fascinating as a Plus Size Princess because it might explain all the guys I’ve dated who never dated a PSP before. Some men are drawn to big women exclusively, some men would “never date a fat chick”… then there are those men who are attracted to all different types of women, depending on chemistry. We spend so much time as PSPs worrying that our looks take us out of the game, maybe it doesn’t matter as much as we think.
• 42% of men have shared the sext they received from a partner with others think twice before you hit send, there’s a good chance his friends will end up seeing your goodies!

What about you guys:

Ever had a friend with benefits turn into a boyfriend?

Ever fallen for someone who wasn’t ”your type”?

(and if you care to share) Ever had a sext end up in the wrong hands?

For more on the Match.com study, watch the video below!

I hope you guys are having a fabulous Valentines Day!

Mine is off to a great start, flowers from my Dad arrived yesterday (he’s my #1 Valentine) and Robert is doing a good job coming in second

I’m always a fan of a day devoted to love. I always take this day to remind myself that my relationship status has no bearing on my value as a person. I wrote a post called “I Haven’t Changed” a few Vdays ago where I reminded myself that having a boy in my life doesn’t change/validate me and it still rings true. I will continue to work on loving myself and keep my fingers that the people around me will do the same.

Now for today’s fashion! Don’t forget that I’m giving away FIVE prizes for the Plus Size Princess Style challenge (#PSPstyle). For details on how to enter/win click here!

Here’s my #PSPstyle outfit from last night and todays Valentines day festivities (you can’t tell but I’m wearing fishnets with a seam and cute little bows up the back… and an awesome bra/panty set from Lane Bryant):

Paisley Pink Dress by Igigi, everything else is available below!

As I walked across Eldridge street I had butterflies in my stomach. I’d been talking to Brian, the guy I gave my number to for a week and this was our first date. Brian had suggested that we go dancing at bOb, a hole in the wall dance club on the Lower East Side that plays hip hop and reggae until the wee hours of the morning.

As I approached the club, I saw a broad, 6’4 cutie waiting for me on the corner.

“Hi,” I smiled.

“Hi,” he pulled me in for a hug and I closed my eyes as he gave me a little squeeze. He took a step back, “you look good”.

“Thanks,” I felt good in a black and white mini dress and knee-high boots. My braids were pulled back into a ponytail and my face was done with bronzer, a smokey eye and clear lip gloss.

I was excited. The electricity I felt from across the counter in Urban Outfitters was even more intense as Brian took my hand and lead me into the crowded club. Without saying much, Brian took me into the middle of the dance floor and we started to move. The music at bOb, a tiny sweat box of a club, created a sultry mood. We danced all night, with Brian taking time out to buy me drinks from time to time.

The chemistry I had with Brian was great and as first dates went, this one was going very well. As the night went on I could feel my soft 5’10 inch frame melting into his solid 6’4 inch frame. His hands moved from my waist to my hips and back again as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. Then I felt his hands push my ponytail to the side to make room for his lips on my neck.

You know that old school Mya song? The one when she sings “your lips are telling me yes when they’re kissing on my neck… should I stay? should I go? I don’t know!” I was basically having the real life experience of that song with Brian on the dance floor at bOb.

I was melting in his hands and it felt great, but I wanted more than something physical and I felt like if we got any closer, our chances of dating in the traditional sense would be ruined. It was getting late, so I told him I was ready to go home. I was hoping that by pumping the breaks, Brian and I could get to know each other more and take our time. He seemed cool about it, he hailed me a cab, handed the driver $40 to get me home and then leaned down into the back seat, his face hovering in front of mine.

“I had fun,” he whispered.

“Me too,” I said.

Then he kissed me.

Part Three, next week….

The minute I locked eyes with the tall chocolate man behind the register at Urban Outfitters, something inside me awakened. It wasn’t love at first sight, but more like whoa you’re really hot and you keep looking at me maybe you think I’m hot too- whatever feeling that is. He kept glancing over at me from behind the counter and I kept pretending not to notice, while panicking on the inside. I was buying candles and a pair of sunglasses (all that would fit me from that store), and wasn’t sure what I should do if by chance I was called to his register.

This was (before Robert) when I was starting to understand that a Plus Size Princess can never predict who will be attracted to her. I had been going to the BBW parties in NYC and the experience of going to bars/clubs where my size was not an issue was doing amazing things for my confidence.

So there I am, making eyes with the store clerk at Urban Outfitters with butterflies in my stomach. I was next in line and there was a 50/50 chance I would be called to his register… but do to a missing price tag, I wasn’t. Instead I was waited on by a polite hipster girl who wrapped my sunglasses in tissue paper and sent me on my way. As I tucked my credit card into my wallet I snuck one last glance over to my chocolate cashier and to my terror/glee he was staring at me too and he smiled.

When I got home, I was still thinking about him. Without speaking he had stirred something up in me and I couldn’t ignore it. I wanted to know more about him and the way he looked at me was as if he was interested. Before I realized what I was doing, I googled the phone number for Urban Outfitters and dialed it.

“Urban Outfitters, how can I help you?” a cheerful woman answered.

I froze- I hadn’t really thought through what I would say, so I began to wing it.

“Hi… Um… I was just in your store and I think one of my friends was working the register but- the line was so long I couldn’t speak to him… he’s a really tall black guy with a bald head?”

“Oh, yeah- Brian, he’s here but he’s on break.”

“Okay, um… can I maybe leave a message for him?”

“Sure,”

“Okay- Can you tell him that CeCe called. Here’s my number…”

I gave her my name and number, hung up the phone and exhaled deeply. It was a random slightly stalkerish thing to do, but somehow it made me feel better. I was becoming more fearless when it came to men, less convinced that everyone was going to reject me. This was good.

Two hours later, my phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize.

“Hello?”

“Yeah, this is Brian, someone left a message for me to call this number… CeCe?”

“Yeah, that’s me, um… hi.”

“Hello”

“I was in the store today and you kept looking at me… I just… I just wanted you to have my number and I figured since you were at work you couldn’t ask for it.”

“Oh,” he laughed. “Well, a lot of girls come in the store. What do you look like?”

I couldn’t bring myself to describe myself as big/plus size/fat (I’ve grown more since then, but at that time it wasn’t happening) so I offered to text him a picture.

“Okay cool,” he replied. “send it to me now, I’m about to get on the train though.”

We hung up and I sent my most recent, cutest, full body pic. I figured I was being more forward than I had ever been before, there was no need to hide now. 40 minutes later I had a text back:

You are so beautiful

Ready for Part two? Click here!

Hi CeCe,

I’ve been following your blog for a long time. I want to start by saying how beautiful you are and what a great role model you are for bigger (for that matter, all) girls everywhere!

I’m hoping you can give me some advice regarding my 18-year-old daughter. By society’s standards she may be on the lower end of plus-size (12/14) but she trains competitively in the sport of horse show jumping and I am not exaggerating when I tell you that 99% of the young girls in that sport are rail thin. She has never let her size stop her and has received many accomplishments in jumping her 3 horses, has many girl friends, and a lot of riders admire and look up to her. She’s a good student, a hoot to hang out with, and has never gotten into trouble.

The problem, of course, is guys. I’m now dealing with the third time she’s had feelings for a guy who only wants to be “friends”. All three have been super great, good looking guys who I would have had no problem with her dating. They were all so nice to my daughter and wanted to hang out with her and do things, but wanted to date the rail thin ones and not her. Then she gets her heart broken and it kills me.

I’m by no means thin, but I was at her age so I’m having a hard time relating. I seem to go back and forth with my feelings. Sometimes I want to scream at her to maybe start exercising hard (she does a lot of riding 6 days a week but nothing else and no interest in anything else) and eat better so she won’t keep getting her heart crushed. I have to walk away when I feel like this because I don’t think it’s the right approach. She’s an adult now and has to make her own decisions on how to take care of herself. Sometimes I feel jealous of the skinny girls’ mothers not having to worry about stuff like this. Sometimes I just feel in despair about the whole situation.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read your stories about Kevin and Robert when I’m feeling down about her. It reminds me that love is possible at all sizes (I think you’re adorable by the way!) and that my daughter’s time will come.

How did your parents deal with your size growing up? Did they nag you to lose weight?

-Worried Mom

Hi Worried Mom,

Thanks for writing (and for your kind words *blush*)