So… I’m not losing weight.

For the past 2 weeks the scale dips down and then it zooms right back up again. I don’t think I’m in a plateau situation but I’m trying to see what changes I can make to get the scale moving in the direction that I would like. The first thing I’m doing is nixing alcohol from my diet. My life in NYC is very much surrounded by cocktails. My week can have a combination of wine with Robert, after work cocktails, open bar blogging events, etc. and those are calories that aren’t necessary, so I’m starting there. The Plus Size Princess Fitness Challenge (#PSPfit) is 100% about getting fit and healthy and I’m definitely doing that but I want weight loss to be one of the results of a stronger healthier life.

The other thing I’m doing is finding inspiration to keep trying. I spent the weekend looking at plus size swimwear by Simply Be and fantasizing about wearing a more daring bathing suit this summer. Of course, I find inspiration from the #PSPfit girls on twitter/instagram/tumblr. I’ve also found motivation in having legit workout gear because new gym clothes make me want to go work out more.

The latest addition to my #PSPfit wardrobe is from JCPenney’s Xersion line, The pieces are perfect for an active Plus Size Princess. Their racer-back tank flares out at the waist, so its not tight on my tummy. Their colorful jackets are designed to loop your headphones through the pocket so you don’t drop your phone. Best of all, they make really amazing workout leggings with reflective stripes and a pocket in the back for your phone/keys/credit cards. Its nice to have plus size active wear that goes beyond leggings and a t shirt. Just call me “Sporty Spice”

Photos taken with the HTC One phone!

The sizing on these items is pretty standard. Everything I have fits like a glove and the shirt and pants have adjustable draw string waist bands. Also note that the tank doesn’t have a shelf bra, so I’m wearing a sports bra underneath, but the shirt is made to camouflage that.

How are YOUR 2013 fitness goals coming along?

Snag Plus Size workout clothes from JCPenney & Xersion below!

This post was inspired by the online debates I’ve seen about Beyonce showing her body, particularly the bottom of her breasts on the cover of GQ this month. I guess Body Policing can happen even if you have a perfect body!

When I was 13 my best friend Jennifer and I got matching pink/purple spaghetti strapped tank tops (this was right before she “stole my boyfriend” and I had to go all 90210 on her, but I digress). Matching outfits with my best friend was a huge deal for me because she was 5’1 and skinny and I was a 5’10 Plus Size Princess in puberty who already had D cup breasts. As you can imagine, finding a cute top that fit both of us was a pretty daunting task.

One day, we decided that we would wear our cute little tanks to dance class at our performing arts school. Intermediate Jazz was business as usual, a warm up… across the floor exercises and then choreography to our favorite songs. If you know anything about a good workout/dance class, the high you feel is amazing… by the end of class we were a bundle of happy energy and endorphins. Going to the School of the Arts meant that I was able to get that feeling in school twice a week with all my friends. This was heaven to me so, when my dance teacher asked to speak to me after class I bounced over to her almost giddily.

“Yes, Ms. V?” I said, pulling my duffel bag onto my shoulder.

“CeCe, I don’t want you wearing that tank top in my class anymore. You need to bring tops that cover your breasts.” Ms. V said, curtly.

Her comments brought my emotions down from a dancers high at a rate so fast it stung. I was mortified. I blinked, quickly… taking in not only what she said, but the way she said it. Ms. V had never been mean to me, but today her voice had a slight edge to it. Her request wasn’t terrible but it was almost like I had offended her.

All the girls wore tank tops to dance class, but according to Ms. V, I could not. Being a teenage PSP, I often felt boxed out of trends that my peers were rocking because they just didn’t make those things in my size. So that pink/purple tank top meant a lot to me. Now, I was feeling boxed out again… My skinny bff, was by no means flat chested but she wasn’t asked to cover her breasts. The tank was okay on her, but not on me. She was okay seeing the moderate size breasts in tank tops, but my full breasts were too much.

We’re okay if Beyonce shows traditional “top of breast” cleavage, but seeing the bottom of her breasts is over the line- how do we decide these things?

Looking back, could I have worn something less revealing to dance class? Sure! Was her request outrageous? Not really. It was a good teaching moment, because at that age I was still learning my body and what was appropriate (my Mom probably would have told me to pack a different top for dance class, had she seen what I had planned to wear).

I think the hardest part about that moment for me is that I felt judged.

When you have large breasts on a plus size body it’s almost as if your breasts become a punch line. An extension of a body that already takes up “too much space”. Suddenly, your body becomes public domain and everyone had an opinion on how your body is represented.

Body Policing comes in many different forms “you’re too big wear that”, “that’s not age-appropriate”, “you’re a mom now”… how often to we hear (or say) things like that? I know I do. But I’m starting to wonder if that’s a form of body policing… what do you think?

Should we judge how much skin people (of all sizes) show?

The first time I saw a Plus Size Princess in a tutu, I knew I had to have one. I spent hours searching online and everyone seemed to have sold out of them the minute they became available. But I was obsessed and refused to give up… somehow I discovered Ouma on Etsy and she made my dreams come true! I sent her my measurements and told her the color and length I wanted and she custom made me a tulle skirt and included a satin sash (although I prefer to wear mine with a more structured belt).

I’ve worn my tutu mostly for singing performances, but when I’m feeling extra princess-like I’ll wear it to a special event.

Tulle Skirt: Ouma, Sweater: Old Navy, Shoes Avenue, Bag: Vintage

Bronzer: Covergirl Queen Collection, Eye Shadow: Sonia Kashuk matte pallete, Blush: Tarte

Twistout Fro-hawk done with shea butter and bobby-pins

Photos by: Zanography

Thursday night Robert and I were riding the train home after having drinks with his boss. We were tipsy, laughing and being silly. I had been doing the Gangnam Style dance all night and the song was in my head, so I found myself singing “heyyyy sexy lady!” and shaking my hips while holding onto him for balance on the train.

“They’re probably going to play that song at Geo’s wedding next weekend” Robert said, laughing at me.

“Ohhhh you’re right! You need to learn the dance before then so you can do it with me,” I said tapping his chest with my finger,

“I need to learn it, and you need to get better at it,” he said teasing me.

“Excuse me, I can Gangnam Style with the best of ‘em,” I kept dancing in front of him and before I knew it we were having a pretend-argument about just how well I could do the dance.

“Okay, okay!” I took a deep breath between giggles, “on a scale of one-to-ten, how well can I do the dance?”

“On a scale of one-to-ten?” Robert asked, I nodded. “On a scale of one-to-ten… you’re a nine!” he replied in an over the top sweet voice while he stroked my arm.

I pulled away dramatically, “you’re so ridiculous! If I were a nine you would not be suggesting I rehearse this dance…. never mind the fact that you don’t even know the dance!”

We went round and round like this for a few stops. Laughing and teasing and challenging each other about dancing together. I don’t know when she got on, but suddenly I noticed a (skinny) girl across from us listening to our conversation with a smile on her face. Every time Robert made a silly comment, I’d roll my eyes and catch hers to give her a look like “men, sheesh”.

Out of the blue, she walked over to me, “I’m sorry… I can’t take this anymore,” she said. “You are GORGEOUS! you’re a great dancer and don’t let him tell you differently! Don’t let him make you think you’re not a beautiful, gorgeous girl… he’s just a stupid guy… he doesn’t know anything! You are gorgeous, BELIEVE THAT!” then she squeezed my hand and got off of the train.

I stood there thoroughly confused.

As far as I was concerned, I was having a playful fight with the guy I’m seeing about a dumb dance that we might have to do at his friends wedding. But somehow she thought that I was an insecure girl who was being made to feel bad about herself by a guy.

The longer I date Robert, the more I am coming to terms with what people project onto our relationship when they look at us. Because I am a Plus Size Princess and he’s a normal size, tall, attractive dude I’m constantly navigating through the fact that some people don’t think we “match”, like the girl who was shocked when she saw his picture, or last month when Robert was buying my drinks all night and sitting right next to me, but a female asked if a girl three feet away from us was his girlfriend (as if I was just an invisible non-factor).

I think the lady on the train gave me that pep talk because she assumed that I didn’t think I was attractive and she assumed that I was desperate to be with Robert, so I was allowing him treat me badly. I can’t help but wonder if she saw Robert having that same playful argument with like… Kelly Rowland or some model, if she’d feel the need to make the same speech.

I’m just fascinated by what people see/project onto PSP’s with attractive boyfriends.

Thoughts??? Do any of you struggle with this?

It was a Monday afternoon and I was taking a dance class at one of my favorite studios in midtown. The routine we were learning was hard, but my body was learning the movements well enough. The whole reason I moved to NYC from California is to pursue my dream of performing/doing theater, so taking dance classes weekly is a great way for me to workout and stay prepared for anything that an audition would throw my way.

So, there I was in jazz, level 4. Learning the routine and feeling strong. “C’mon guys, sell it to meeee!” the instructor screamed before hitting play on the stereo. “FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!” he cried out, and we hit the routine. At this point we were drilling the dance over and over, which gave us all a chance to stop thinking about the steps, let go and just dance… perform even. I started to have fun with the choreography and give the routine everything that I had.

“Wait a minute,” the instructor called out as he paused the music. “Sorry- what’s your name?” he said pointing at me.

“CeCe,” I replied.

“CeCe, I like what you’re doing with those first few eight counts… can you do it again for the class?” he asked, beckoning me to the center of the floor. “Um, sure…” I said. My heart was beating fast, but I came to the middle of the dance floor while the class stepped aside to watch.

For those of you who didn’t grow up performing, being called out in class to show the other students “how its done” is a big deal. Its something that is only asked of the strongest dancers in class and for me, it was a huge deal because so matter how good I had been in previous classes, my weight had always kept me from being considered the strongest (I have more stories on that, but I’ll save them for another day).

At a young age, I had to accept that teachers would pretty much ignore me as a viable option for their stand out student because of my size, I never let that stop me from training, but every once in a while, I’d feel like everything I was doing was pointless. But now, here was a moment where my abilities as a dancer were being validated. I tried to play it cool and act like it was no big deal, but inside I was doing cartwheels!

The dance instructor pushed play and I began to do the choreography. I danced with every part of myself and when I was done, the class erupted into applause as is customary in a moment like that. Then the instructor walked to the middle of the dance floor, “thanks, CeCe!” he said giving me a nod, then he turned to the rest of the class and said “now, if this big girl can work my routine… I KNOW the rest of you can put in a little more effort!” and with that he started the music over again.

It felt as if he had punched me in the stomach. Oddly enough, I could tell that the dance instructor didn’t say what he said with malice. He actually pulled me to the side later, to tell me how much he loved having me in class, how talented he thought I was, etc.. But it didn’t change how hurtful that moment was.

Its frustrating that a PSP who isn’t bedridden is treated like some sort of magical elephant. I’m constantly approached by people at the gym who compliment me on how well I move, how light on my feet I am and how much stamina I have. 99% of the time, I think they’re trying to be encouraging and I try not to take offense, but I’ve always been this way and as I’ve mentioned plenty of times before, I am not the only Plus Size Princess who can do this stuff.

(That’s a big reason why I’m excited about Cardio & Curvy Conversations on Saturday. I think it will be nice to get a room full of Plus Size Princesses together who aren’t afraid to break a sweat.)

Anyway, as we begin out Plus Size Princess Fitness Challenge, I just want to mention that people might say awkward things to us as we become more adventurous in our fitness. Please don’t let that hold you back from taking a new class or trying a new machine at the gym. We shouldn’t be embarrassed that we’re active PSPs… that’s something to be proud of!

For more information on the Plus Size Princess Fitness Challenge, click here.

“If I wear purple, I’ll look like Barney, the dinosaur!”

“If I wear red, I’ll look like the Kool-aid man!”

How many times have you heard a Plus Size Princess say something like that? … how many times have you said it yourself?

I don’t think its possible to be a PSP and not think twice about bright colors. For the longest time, I’d get all of my nice clothes in dark colors. If I had an event or a party, I would look for blacks and/or navy blue dresses. If I was going out to the club, I was looking for dark wash denim and black sexy tops.

I’m not quite sure why I stopped avoiding bright colors, but I remember the first bright piece I bought. It was a yellow trench coat and I loved it! The first time I wore it, a girlfriend of mine (who was probably a 12/14 at the time) complimented my on the coat. Then she confessed that she had talked her plus size sorority sister out of buying a yellow top because of her size. “Maybe, I shouldn’t have talked her out of it after all…” she said, wistfully.

At the time she thought she was doing her soror a favor, based on the fashion rules that we all grow up with, but seeing a PSP in yellow made her think twice.

Did any of you watch the Jennifer Hudson interview with Oprah a few days ago? When she took the cameras into her closet, she said that color was the biggest addition to her wardrobe since she’s lost weight. I think a lot of us have the same mindset, that we have to slim down before we can rock the bright colors that turn heads and make women shine. All women are trained to believe that black is slimming, so of course anything else must be… fattening? As a big girl I was holding onto those rules twice as hard as the next girl.

As I’ve said before, “you can’t hide the fat“! I am a big girl and dark colors wont change that… If I took off my black dress and changed into a red one no one would be like “whoa! I thought you were a size 10!!! that black dress really fooled me!!”

Today I am wearing a bright orange dress from Rachel Pally. Even though I wholeheartedly believe that Plus Size Princesses can and should wear bright colors, I had a small moment of “wait-am I going to look like a pumpkin in this dress?” when I got dressed this morning. I put the dress on anyway and I’ve been getting compliments all day. (I even snuck a bathroom pic to show you!)

So… do you wear bright colors?

Tell me in the comments section of todays post or chime in during my #CurvyConvo twitter chat today (Wednesday) at 3pm…

Greetings from Los Angeles!

So, I got on the plane in NYC and was able to click the seat belt closed with no extender! Then just as I was applauding myself for my weight loss acomplishments, I changed flights in Chicago and the seatbelt was *this* close to fitting, but it wouldn’t and I had to ask the flight attendant for an extender afterall (womp womp!). Goes to show, that its not always us… sometimes its the plane, so we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves when we have to do the oh so embarrassing extender request.

I’m in my home state for a friends wedding. I’m not in the wedding and Robert had to stay behind for a family wedding of his own, so my main goal for this trip is to relax! I’m going to be by the pool and/or on the beach as much as possible starting tomorrow, so I tried really hard not to overpack. I’ve made some discoveries over the past few weeks that made my packing a lot more simple. So I thought I’d share!

First off, I revamped my travel outfit for the summer- remember when I wrote about plane comfy clothes for Plus Size Princesses? Well you can see that post come to life in this picture. The lip gloss I’m wearing is from the See & Be Seen makeup kit by Anastasia. I love the pink color and it pops on my brown skin, which is sometimes hard to find in a lip gloss.

Next, FullBeauty.com has done something I’ve been wanting a swimline to do for a long time… they’re making swimsuits with underwire in them! I always buy at least one halter swimsuit, but for a girl like me with DDD’s, that knot starts to dig into the base of my neck after a while and its not comfortable. Underwire in this vintage swimsuit cut is going to make my time by the pool perfect. Follow me on Instagram (PlusSizePrincess) and I’ll be posting pictures through the weekend. FullBeauty also has a great sheer swimdress that I like- I know everyone is doing the fatkini thing, but I’m just not ready, so these suits work well for me.

Lastly, Ms. Kathryn Finney from TheBudgetFashionista turned me on to the new Crocs… its not those crazy moon shoes anymore, they’re making cute little ballet flats with great support and the size 11w’s fit like a glove. I’m wearing them in the photo linked above!

Anyway, this is what I’ll be rocking all weekend until I have to put on real clothes for the wedding… I’ll post pics of that on my tumblr.

Although I had just lost 30 pounds, the minute Ms. Kathryn Finney asked me to be in the first ever BlogHer Fashion Show, I became obsessed with losing ten more pounds before the show. I mean, isn’t that what models do?

I found myself skipping carbs, adding workouts and obsessing over everything I ate. When I would mention to The Boy that I wanted to slim down just a little bit more before the show, he would just look at me like I was nuts and say “you’re fine”. Of course, I brushed him off. He couldn’t understand what was expected of me as a model in a fashion show. I needed to be militant in order to be presentable and if that meant salads and no wine during our date nights, he’d have to deal with it.

To add to my stress, the BlogHer12 fashion show would be the first time that TheBigGirlBlog’s readers would see what I looked like. I had been blogging anonymously for years, so I wanted to “look my best” for my Plus Size Princesses. Instead of being proud of the 30 pounds I’d lost, I was kicking myself that I hadn’t lost 40 pounds and although the scale was moving down, it wasn’t happening fast enough.

To put it plainly, I was driving myself crazy about my weight. Then two things happened that changed everything:

1.) I realized that I was dieting instead of living the healthy lifestyle that had helped me to lose 30 pounds in the first place.

2.) I logged onto the BlogHer website and read all of the comments about the upcoming fashion show.

The comments section was flooded with women asking what kind of models they would be using. Including questions like Will there be plus size clothing on the runway? and Are the models going to be a variety of sizes? I know they are “real people” not models, but a lot of style bloggers are of the smaller variety.

Seeing those questions stopped me in my tracks. Duh! There was a desire for women of all sizes to be represented on the runway and I was a part of that. Would there be skinny models? Yes. But it wasn’t my job to be one of them. It’s like I heard the words “model” and “runway” and suddenly everything I stood for flew out the window. My job was to be CeCe Olisa as of August 4, 2012. 30 pounds down… more to go, but as The Boy so sweetly reminded me… I’m fine.

I had to remind myself that beauty isn’t something that we aspire to be, its something that we are. It’s important to remember that we’re beautiful at any given moment in our lives. We’re beautiful at the beginning of a weight loss journey, we’re beautiful when we’ve reached our weight loss goals and we’re beautiful at every point in between. Those sweaty moments at the gym? Beautiful. When “Aunt Flow” comes to town and we gain 4 pounds overnight? Beautiful!

Walking down the runway with a diverse group of women, I knew that everyone in the audience saw someone who represented them in some way. When I saw the Plus Size Princesses cheering and clapping, I knew I was there for them and I hope that in some way, my presence let them know, “you’re fine” and by “fine” I mean beautiful!

To see me on the runway, visit PlusSizePrincess.Tumblr.com