Before we jump into todays post, thanks to everyone who is a part of the #PSPfit bootcamp. We’ve got a few walk-in tickets for any girls who want to come workout with us and get the clean eating packet for the week. Join us, Get your $20 tix here.

Now for todays post:

My girl @FeministaJones is a great twitter personality who has a lot going for her, she used to be a lot bigger than she is so its fun to tweet with her about +size problems. Last night she got me all turned up when she called out subtle fat prejudice by tweeting this:

RT if you treat the hefty friends you have like maternal figures and have no fear going out with them

— FJ The Riveter(@FeministaJones) April 21, 2013

Hopefully you get her humor and see that she’s calling out the people who have Plus Size Princesses in their lives because we’re “safe” and make them feel good about themselves.

Yes, she said it and I echo the sentiment.

For many people, a Plus Size Princess is a safe friend. A PSP is the girl you go out with because it automatically makes you the hot chick. Is it something that’s done on purpose? I’m not sure. But ask any PSP who has lost a significant amount of weight, some of the relationships with their female friends did not survive once they slimmed down. Hmmmm.

My main fascination with this is how people refuse to acknowledge that Plus Size Princesses can have a romantic/sexual life. When I was auditioning for roles in theater, I was constantly cast as the “Mom”, the “Teacher”, the “Aunt”… even if I could sing the part of the girlfriend, my size made it impossible for casting directors to see me as an object of desire.

This type of thinking floods back into the real world and my relationships with my female friends. I am safe. It reminded me of something that happened a few years ago, so I tweeted the story to @FeministaJones:

A friend asked if her bf could stay w/ me in NYC… Alone. Thought it was odd then realized she didn’t see me as a threat @feministajones

— CeCe Olisa (@thebiggirlblog) April 21, 2013

Am I a trustworthy friend? Sure. Was I attracted to her boyfriend? Absolutely not. But think about it, if I had a Kim Kardashian body, do you think my girl would send her boyfriend to sleep over at my apartment for a few days without her? That request helped me see that for many women I’m very much a non-factor. “Lets see if you can stay with CeCe” is the same to them as “Lets see if you can stay with my Aunt Glenda”.

For many people I’m just this warm maternal figure who will take care of them and anyone around me (this happens to be true I’m a first-born and a Cancer) but to ignore that I’m also a sexual being capable of desire and being desired is to ignore my femininity and my womanhood.

@thebiggirlblog until he tries to slide on in..

— Sweet Sap Jane (@languishlita) April 21, 2013

…and there you have it. Thanks @languishlita for making it plain!

Thoughts? Chime in below!

Lets take the 6 weeks before Memorial Day to work with a professional Nutritionist on Clean Eating & a professional Trainer on Fitness… Are you in? Sign up today! Registration ends on April 12th.

Purchase your NYC Membership here

Purchase your Virtual (Non NYC/International) membership here

Details:

#PSPfit Boot Camp – New York City

• 6 in-person Clean Eating Nutrition Sessions with Abra Pappa
• “Eating to promote weight loss with PCOS” Guide
• 6 in-person Fitness Sessions with Trainer, Anthony Truly
• “What is Clean Eating?” Guidebook
• Weekly Recipes and Meal Plans
• Private Facebook Group Access (Daily Inspiration, Support and Accountability)
• Free #PSPfit Tshirt
• Weekly Giveaways
• $3,000 in Prizes (based on participation, not pounds lost

#PSPfit Boot Camp – Virtual (US and International)

• Weekly “Clean Eating” Facebook Chats with CeCe & Abra Pappa
• “Eating to promote weight loss with PCOS” Guide
• Virtual Fitness Sessions with Trainer, Anthony Truly, via YouTube & Vimeo
• “What is Clean Eating?” Guidebook
• Weekly Recipes and Meal Plans
• Private Facebook Group Access (Daily Inspiration, Support and Accountability)
• Free #PSPfit Tshirt
• Weekly Giveaways
• $3,000 in Prizes (based on participation, not pounds lost )

Questions? fitness@thebiggirlblog.com

Plus Size Princesses can get Brazilian Waxes just like anyone else. I got my first one when I went to Miami a few years back. At first I was scared to have someone all in my “nooks and crannies”, but I found aestheticians that I (and my lil’ CeCe) are comfortable with and I’ve been hooked ever since. There is a lot about Brazilian Waxing that people won’t tell you so… I thought I’d share the in depth conversation I had with my twitter PSP’s about “going to Brazil”.

P.S. Don’t forget to register for the #PSPfit Clean Eating & Fitness Bootcamp!

The effects of Clean Eating and fitness are undeniable, I’ve lost 12 pounds in four weeks by working with a Nutritionist and hitting the gym consistently. As I mentioned before, these things can be very expensive and while I’m at a place where I can make a full investment in my health, not everyone can afford that right now. I’ve been working to find a way to make professional weight loss/nutrition/fitness guidance available for all of my Plus Size Princesses and I’m happy to say that I’ve figured out a way to make that happen… so mark your calendars!

From April 15th – May 27th, we will be doing a #PSPfit Boot Camp with weekly giveaways. This boot camp will be a super affordable way to give all of us access to a Nutritionist and Trainer for the six weeks leading up to summer! (Space is limited, for early bird notification and pricing sign up here).

There will be two #PSPfit Boot Camp groups, one for the PSPs who live in the New York City/Tri-State area and another for US/International PSPs.

Here’s what your membership will get you:

#PSPfit Boot Camp – New York City 

• 6 in-person Clean Eating Nutrition Sessions with Abra Pappa

• “Eating to promote weight loss with PCOS” Guide

• 6 in-person Fitness Sessions with Trainer, Anthony Truly

• “What is Clean Eating?” Guidebook

• Weekly Recipes and Meal Plans

• Private Facebook Group Access (Daily Inspiration, Support and Accountability)

• Free #PSPfit Tshirt

• Weekly Giveaways

• Grand Prize Drawings (based on participation, not pounds lost)

#PSPfit Boot Camp – Virtual (US and International)

• Weekly “Clean Eating” Facebook Chats with CeCe & Abra Pappa

• “Eating to promote weight loss with PCOS” Guide

• Virtual Fitness Sessions with Trainer, Anthony Truly, via YouTube & Vimeo

• “What is Clean Eating?” Guidebook

• Weekly Recipes and Meal Plans

• Private Facebook Group Access (Daily Inspiration, Support and Accountability)

• Free #PSPfit Tshirt

• Weekly Giveaways

• Grand Prize Drawings (based on participation, not pounds lost )

Feel free to email fitness@thebiggirlblog.com with ANY questions you may have.

Be the first to sign up, send me your email here!

Giveaways Provided By:

Xersion, Activewear by JC Penney

Lola Getts Active, Plus Size Workout Gear

Nutritious America

Little Lime Dress, +Size Personal Styling

SimplyBe USA

BodyMedia Heart Rate Monitors

Squeem, Waist Cinchers

Tera’s Whey, Protien Powder

BarePlus Bras, by Bare Necessities

BeQue Juice, Green Juice Delivery

Don’t forget we’re sending early bird pricing and registration, soon. Click here to sign up for notifications!

You should consult your physician or other health care professional before starting this or any other diet program to determine if it is right for your needs.

I got an interesting comment on a post a few months ago and I’d love to discuss it with you guys. As part of a longer comment, the person said:

A lot of the problems CeCe has in dating stem from the fact that she is overweight, thus having less options/men who find her attractive, then choosing the few she is attracted back to. I see thin girls get over heart breaks faster because they have guys lining up to be with them around the corner.

(Side Note: for those of you who were confused, the “I Gave Him My Number” series that I wrote about Brian happened a long time ago. I am still happily dating Robert.)

When I first read that comment, her words really bothered me. I was thinking “hello? I’ve been dating Robert a minute now… what ‘problems’ is she talking about?” but then I had to remind myself that even though her comment isn’t applicable to me right now, there was a time when it was. I wasn’t always fully content in my dating life as a Plus Size Princess. Here are some of the issues I’ve had in dating as a PSP:

Quality vs. Quantity – I have plenty of men approaching me, but how many of them are viable options? I wrote a very difficult post once called “Are The Men I Attract, a Reflection of… Me?” where I explored that question with a few other dating bloggers. You see, there’s a nasty rumor out there that big girls are desperate and will take anything that comes their way– that. is. not. true. But, because this rumor will not die, a Plus Size Princess becomes a magnet for the toothless, the homeless, the jobless and the crazies.

I’M Just Not That Into YOU – Mutual attraction is difficult to find at any size, but if your particular look isn’t what the majority is going for, it might feel like you’re attracted to others more often than you’re found attractive. Again, Plus Size Princesses do not just “take what they can get”, nor should we. So, when a guy comes along that is interested, there’s still a chance we wont feel a spark. That happens to all women, but as a PSP there’s sometimes that unspoken maybe you shouldn’t be so picky? from the people around us. I’ve even had a friend exclaim “he likes you! do something!” I didn’t like him, so I didn’t do anything. When it comes to mutual attraction, I struggle between complaining that I’m not my types type and making sure what I’m looking for is appropriate. I get it, if the number of men I attract increases then the chances of finding mutual attraction and ultimately a romantic match greatly improves. This one is just law of averages.

Dry Spells – According to my commenter, skinny girls get over breakups faster because they have men lining up around the corner to date them. (I know of PSPs with men lining up to date them too, but that’s beside the point). I think there is so much beauty in being single, but we’re so fixated on having boyfriends that we miss it. I may not date back-to-back like my skinny friends, but when it comes to self-evolution, I have time to learn and grow and I take full advantage of that time– this website is an example of that. So, I think being a Plus Size Princess with the issues listed above creates time for character development which comes in handy when it comes to dating. Knowing who you are helps you know what you want!

In NYC it often takes longer for people to settle down and I think it’s because there are just so many options and people like to have an eye out for the next-best-thing that may come around the corner. In smaller cities, people have less to choose from, find who they really connect with and explore that relationship to the fullest. (This might be why we have wedding invites from two of my girlfriends who moved to the mid-west!) This is when the Quality vs. Quantity problem turns into something useful. If 10 guys approach me, 4 of them have no teeth, 3 are homeless and the last 3 are guys that I could see myself with, I can focus on those three men without looking out my window and seeing 50 more guys I might want to talk to.

Did we ever consider that having droves of men at our disposal might make it harder to find our “One”?

Most of what my commenter said is true, but I just need to make sure we look at those types of thoughts through a different lens. When I dated guys like Kevin and Adrian I really liked being with them and it didn’t matter how many guys I had mutual attraction with before them. Now I’m dating Robert (who I met at my heaviest weight) and things are moving along with him. He supports me in anything I want to do, from singing to losing weight and I wouldn’t trade that for a line of guys down the street.

I used to think that being a Plus Size Princess was a dating curse, but now I wonder if it can be a blessing in disguise… thoughts???

Hi CeCe,

I’ve been following your blog for a long time.  I want to start by saying how beautiful you are and what a great role model you are for bigger (for that matter, all) girls everywhere!

I’m hoping you can give me some advice regarding my 18-year-old daughter.  By society’s standards she may be on the lower end of plus-size (12/14) but she trains competitively in the sport of horse show jumping and I am not exaggerating when I tell you that 99% of the young girls in that sport are rail thin. She has never let her size stop her and has received many accomplishments in jumping her 3 horses, has many girl friends, and a lot of riders admire and look up to her.  She’s a good student, a hoot to hang out with, and has never gotten into trouble.

The problem, of course, is guys.  I’m now dealing with the third time she’s had feelings for a guy who only wants to be “friends”.  All three have been super great, good looking guys who I would have had no problem with her dating.  They were all so nice to my daughter and wanted to hang out with her and do things, but wanted to date the rail thin ones and not her.  Then she gets her heart broken and it kills me.

I’m by no means thin, but I was at her age so I’m having a hard time relating.  I seem to go back and forth with my feelings.  Sometimes I want to scream at her to maybe start exercising hard (she does a lot of riding 6 days a week but nothing else and no interest in anything else) and eat better so she won’t keep getting her heart crushed.  I have to walk away when I feel like this because I don’t think it’s the right approach.  She’s an adult now and has to make her own decisions on how to take care of herself.  Sometimes I feel jealous of the skinny girls’ mothers not having to worry about stuff like this.  Sometimes I just feel in despair about the whole situation.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read your stories about Kevin and Robert when I’m feeling down about her.  It reminds me that love is possible at all sizes (I think you’re adorable by the way!) and that my daughter’s time will come.  

How did your parents deal with your size growing up? Did they nag you to lose weight?

-Worried Mom

Hi Worried Mom,

Thanks for writing (and for your kind words *blush*)