I’m sure you’ve all heard about the Maura Kelly/Marie Claire article that was published this week.

Marie Claire asked me to write a response to it, so I did. You can find it here. Feel free to leave comments, I’ll be checking them….

Happy Friday!

xoxo

It was 9:15 on a Saturday night and I was sitting on my couch with a glass of wine. I’d had a long week and the idea of hitting the town with one of my girlfriends seemed like a good one, the only problem was that my girlfriend had just cancelled on me 30 minutes before we were supposed to head out.

I was already dressed and the thought of wasting a good outfit (and flawless makeup) seemed ridiculous. I scanned through my phone thinking of who to text and I saw the date. It was the last Saturday of the month, which meant there was a “BBW party” happening.

I’d pretty much written off the whole plus size party scene, but I knew that attending this party meant I could go out alone and not feel weird and maybe I’d dance with a cute boy (or three) and then go home.

I threw on my jacket, hopped on the 2 train and was downtown in 45 minutes. As I made my way into the club, Jay-Z was blasting and people were scattered across the club. Some were dancing, some were leaning against the bar and some were engrossed in conversation.

I wasn’t used to going out alone, but I planned to make the best of it. I ordered a drink and took a seat on one of the couches. A few minutes later, a plump girl in a pink ruched dress waved at me from across the room (the dress was cute, but she could have used some Shapewear underwear from Simply yours). Why are you sitting by yourself? she mouthed to me. I shrugged and she waved me over, “Hi, I’m Lisa” she said shaking my hand.

“Hey, I’m CeCe”

“You are too cute to be sitting by yourself, come chill with me!”

I laughed, “do you come here a lot?”

“I try to, my husband and I like to go out when we can, he’s in the bathroom but you’ll meet him when he comes out.”

“Cool,” I said nodding to the music. A few minutes later, Lisa’s husband appeared. She introduced us and as the night went on we casually chatted while we grooved to the music. Lisa, who was sitting between her husband and me, excused herself to the bathroom. As I sat sipping my drink, I could feel her husbands eyes on me. I looked over and he patted the seat that his wife had left open. Although I felt uneasy, I didn’t want to be rude, so I scooted into her seat. Lisa’s husband began to ask me questions, and trying to make conversation but I felt uncomfortable, so I kept my answers short. I kept telling myself that they were just being friendly, but something just didn’t feel right.

The uneasiness that I felt came from somewhere and I couldn’t shake it. Then it hit me; when I first attended a “Big Girl event” someone mentioned that a lot of plus size couples are swingers. I never believed it, until I started noticing the abundance of men in the clubs with wedding bands and the amount of people who attended the clubs not as singles looking for potentials, but as couples.

I started to wonder if Lisa and her husband were… flirting with me.

Eventually Lisa returned from the bathroom got up to dance with her husband. I watched them from my seat and a soon enough, a single guy approached me and pulled me up to dance.

After a few songs, I broke away from my dance partner to get another drink. “Girl, you’re doing your thing out there!” Lisa said, touching my arm. I continued to dance by myself for a little while and then something weird happened. Lisa’s husband turned his back to her and motioned for me to come and dance with him. My eyes immediately fell on Lisa who was dancing alone, but smiling at me and motioning for me to “go ahead”.

I know that everyone has different opinions and boundaries but I dont make it a habit of dancing with other people’s husbands. I definitely don’t make a habit of dancing with someones husband while they watch/join in. The awkwardness of the situation proved to be too much for me. I made my way into another room and spent the rest of the night solo.

I’m not 100% sure that Lisa and her husband were swingers, but I didn’t want to stick around and find out!

I’m very excited to have Jessica London hanging out on TheBigGirlBlog this week!

My love affair with Jessica London started a few months ago when I wore a JL suit to an interview. As I mentioned before, catalog brands have never been my first choice for clothing. I used to think of these brands as old and dated, but Jessica London is doing a great job of proving me wrong by designing fun, fashionable pieces that are made to last and when I’m looking to buy “investment pieces” I’m starting to learn that Jessica London is a great place to go.

When the tempurature in NYC dropped this fall, the first thing I did was pull out my new the knee high (wide calf) boots from Jessica London. The boots are comfortable because the heel is less than 2″, but they’re designed to look like stilettos, which is awesome. Everytime I wear them, at least one man stops to tell me how “sexy” they are. So, I’ve been giving JL kudos for weeks.

Now JL has come out with a new sexy wardrobe staple that I’m beyond excited about… Leather Jackets!

“The Jessica London team has designed a beautiful leather collection featuring stylish, easy-wear fashions that can take our customers straight from work to a night out on the town,” -John Mallon, Vice President/General Brand Manager for Jessica London®.

I’ve always shied away from leater for two reasons. 1.) A leather jacket is a bold fashion statement and I wasn’t sure if it would be too much on a person of my size. 2.) The leather jackets I had looked at in department stores were way out of my price range.

The leather jackets from Jessica London are designed with a full figure in mind and at $129, it was a risk I could (finally) afford to take.

I like to mix the hard leather look with soft pieces, so I often wear my motorcycle jacket with girly scarves, frilly dresses or mini-skirts.

Jessica London has been kind enough to give TBGB readers free shipping on orders over $50 (use code: JLE6988), so now is a good time to head over to invest in a chic leather jacket, sexy wide calf boots or a couple of flirty new dresses at JessicaLondon.com!

Welcome to TheBigGirlBlog’s new site!

This site is designed by the fabulous Liz Burr, my favorite “girl about the internet”. Collaborating with her on a new design was a great experience and I hope that what we’ve come up with makes your time on this site more enjoyable.

I should warn you that we’re still getting some of the “bugs” worked out, so please excuse anything that isnt working 100%. We should have it all cleared up this week. (If you notice any bugs, feel free to email me/leave a comment

TBGB’s look is different but, the content will remain the same. I’ve got more dating, fashion and fitness stories. I’m hoping we can pick back up with “Curvy Conversations” too, so send your emails to CeCe@thebiggirlblog.com.

xoxo,

CeCe

twitter.com/thebiggirlblog

So… TBGB is transitioning to its new site this weekend.

I’m going to have to disable comments for a little while, so if there’s something you want to say/add to a post hold your thoughts until Sunday

I’ll check back in with you in a bit!

xoxo,
CeCe

Normally, I have profiles on the mainstream online dating sites, but recently I created a profile on a niche “BBW” dating site. It wasn’t long before I was being contacted by different guys. Last night I logged on to check my messages and here’s an unedited excerpt of the what was in my inbox:

What’s up?? You’re whats up my dear?Do you like my profile my dear?Doing some networking for my uncle he’s throwing a buisness/soical boat network on October 15th and helping him sell tickets you know?So how sexy are u in person,like big gurls like you.I’m backl to work next Monday at Radio City we got big shows coming up until our Xmas shows kicks off November 5th till December 30th.So CeCe what’s your spots baby.I rep Harlem at 135th street by 8th av.

So SexyCeCe what are 5 things you seek in a potential mate?I seek wisdom,sexiness,support,spontanious and freakiness in a woman.Is that too much to ask,plus working security at MSg has it’s moments trust me.I enjoy working at Radio City Music Hall for my 8 years,especially meeting my cooworkers over the years.

Ok so when seriously can call you?Might wanna take yiou to a nice lounge and have a few drinks and kick it in Harlem.

*blank stare*

I don’t even know where to begin… aside from being called “my dear” by a man I don’t know, I never thought that “Sexiness” and “freakiness” would be in the top five things a man came up with when he imagined his “potential mate”. I didn’t respond to this dude, but so far he’s a pretty good representation of the guys that are on the BBW/Admirers sites. Reading the messages I received from him and others liked him made me stop and think:

Which would I rather have: A guy who liked me because of my size or a guy who liked me in spite of my size?

When I first started attending the NYC BBW parties, the idea of a man who was drawn to me because of my body seemed like a good one. I was excited to put my “winning personality” on the shelf and let my body draw men in, and it worked. My low cut tops and curve hugging jeans were appreciated in full at these establishments. My tummy, hips, curves and rolls weren’t avoided, they were touched and appreciated.

But instead of feeling celebrated, I felt violated.

At first I thought it was my own insecurities; I told myself that I needed to love my body just like the BBW lovers did. Of course it was fun to feel wanted, to feel sexy, but when the night was over I felt more detached from my body than ever. I began to realize that fat is what I am, but not who I am. Most of these men were in the fetish zone; attracted to my fat and uninterested in who CeCe was. I had spent my whole life wondering what it felt like to have someone want me for my body (like the skinny girls do) and when it finally happened, I hated it.

I wanted my “winning personality” to matter. I wanted to be more than a huge pair of boobs and a soft belly.

On the flip side, when I went out to mainstream events with my (skinny)friends, they were meeting people and I wasn’t. I felt invisible and in those moments I longed to be at a big girl party. At least there, I didn’t feel like I got all dressed up for nothing.

For a while I couldn’t decide what was worse; the wrong kind of attention or no attention at all.

Looking at my dating history this year, I think I have the answer to my question. I completely understand that not all “BBW Admirers” are weirdos. I know that there are amazing/caring/stable/normal men in this world who are exclusively attracted to big girls. But for me, I’m more comfortable with a guy who likes me in spite of my size.

Guys like Kevin and Adrian were great dating experiences that (no matter how they ended) made me feel like a girl. Not a big girl or a skinny girl, just a girl. I know that these guys didn’t usually date Plus Size Princesses, but there was something about me that attracted them. These men treated me like I was something to be desired and made efforts to know who I was. They never made comments about how they “love girls with a little meat on their bones” or “hated skinny bitches” they just dated me, held my hand, kissed me and told me I was beautiful …and that was enough.

Which do you prefer?

I refuse to get on the scale this week.

I’ve been sick with a cold since Thursday and haven’t had the energy to do much. If the scale moved in the wrong direction, it might send me over the edge, so I’m just going to skip my weigh in and try to get back on track for next Wednesday.

Even though I didn’t do much in the fitness department this week, I have been experimenting with the foods I eat. More specifically the portions. My Dad used to always caution us not to have “eyes that are bigger than your stomach” and I know that’s something that I struggle with. If I buy a block of cheese, I cut huge slices out of it. If I open a bag of pretzels, the whole thing is gone in one day. So even though the calorie or carb count of something may be low… the amount that I eat cancels out any weight loss benefits.

Sometimes I even shy away from grocery shopping because I feel like my purchases don’t last as long as they should. Of course, grocery shopping is the most cost effective option, so I’ve been trying different solutions to make sure I’m not overeating. Something that’s really worked for me is to get deli slices of cheese and limit myself to one slice when I’m making stuff like eggs or a sandwich.

In New York, there are delis on every corner ready to slice up my favorite meats and cheeses, but I also pick up deli slices at Target.

Using pre-sliced meats and cheeses has helped me balance my calorie intake more effectively and curb some of my overeating habits.

What portion control tricks to you use?

When I got to the gym to swim last week, all the lanes were full (full meaning 2, or more swimmers) except for one. I kicked off my sandals near the edge of the pool, waded into the water, and made my way to the lane where a middle aged man was preparing to start his laps.

“Hey, do you mind sharing this lane?” I asked.

He looked at me. “Maybe you’d be better off in the next lane over,” I looked over and saw two old ladies power walking in the pool.

“Um, those ladies aren’t even swimming,” I said, feeling my face get hot with a mix of annoyance and anger.

“I know,” he looked at me blankly “but I’m going to be swimming really fast. I just figured those ladies might be more your speed.”

I was stunned speechless. I could not believe that this guy thought he could tell how good of a swimmer I was just by looking at me. This was gymtimidation at its best.

“I’m just making a suggestion…” he said defensively.

“You’re not making a ‘suggestion‘ you’re making an assumption,” I replied flatly.

I could have explained to him that when a girl grows up in California with a pool in her back yard and takes swimming lessons for 5+ years, there’s a pretty good chance she can swim, even if she is plus size. But he wasn’t worth my energy. Instead I pulled my goggles over my eyes and swam at a good speed in his lane for 30 minutes.

People are so annoying… in other news, I lost 3 pounds this week!

This Weeks Work Outs: 3
Pounds Lost: 3
Weekly Goal: to get a swim, walk/run and yoga class in this week.

How’d you guys do?