This weekend I hung out with Match.com and took a look at their Singles in America study with data from Dr. Helen Fisher. There was a lot of interesting information about how single people operate these days. Here are some of the facts that surprised me:

• 45% of people had a friends with benefits relationship turn into a long-term partnership Dr. Helen Fisher says that “Friends with Benefits” is emerging as the new pre-relationship status. Maybe that’s the true definition of ”Its Complicated” on facebook! I’m not a big promoter of the whole FWB situation if you really want more from the person than the physical, but apparently its working for someone!
• 40% of people have fallen in love with someone they weren’t initially attracted to I found this to be fascinating as a Plus Size Princess because it might explain all the guys I’ve dated who never dated a PSP before. Some men are drawn to big women exclusively, some men would “never date a fat chick”… then there are those men who are attracted to all different types of women, depending on chemistry. We spend so much time as PSPs worrying that our looks take us out of the game, maybe it doesn’t matter as much as we think.
• 42% of men have shared the sext they received from a partner with others think twice before you hit send, there’s a good chance his friends will end up seeing your goodies!

What about you guys:

Ever had a friend with benefits turn into a boyfriend?

Ever fallen for someone who wasn’t ”your type”?

(and if you care to share) Ever had a sext end up in the wrong hands?

For more on the Match.com study, watch the video below!

As the new year approaches, it means only one thing-New Years resolutions. If you’re single and dating, one resolution might be at the top of your list-you want to make 2013 the year you find love. A great way to jump-start your dating life in 2013 is with online dating.

Despite it being more popular than ever, some people are still hesitant to sign up for an online dating site. Maybe it seems like too much work or they just aren’t sure where to start. But if you’re tired of the bar and club scene, and frustrated with your friends futile attempts at “matchmaking”, maybe it’s time to take the leap to online dating, We Love Dates is the perfect place to start.

When selecting an online dating site, choose one that fits your needs and what you’re looking for in a date and a relationship. There are online dating sites that cater to specific ethic backgrounds, professions, locations or interests. Search for vegetarian dating, BBW dating and even brunette dating-the sky really is the limit.

Now that you’ve signed up for online dating, make sure you’re doing everything you can to get the most out of it! Read dating advice blogs for online dating tips and tricks. Some people upload a blurry photo and a one word sentence and then complain that nobody emailed them and declare that online dating doesn’t work. Don’t be afraid to show off your personality. The more you share, the more chances you give someone reading your profile to connect with you. Not every first online date is going to be a love connection, but don’t let a few bad dates deter you from your goal of finding the one.

Lastly, maintain an open mind. Instead of going in with a pre-defined list of qualities a date absolutely must have, lose the list and follow your heart. It’s crucial to have high standards when it comes to the people you date, but it’s equally important to make sure you aren’t limiting yourself in your search for love. Take charge of your New Years resolutions and make this the year you find the love of your life, or at least have a blast trying!

Hello CeCe!

Have you seen the commercials for Match.com’s Stir events?

When I first saw the commercials, I thought to myself that the idea of taking online dating offline was pretty much “going out”. But when Match.com invited me to a private event to explain their new concept, I was impressed with what they’re trying to do. Its like the perfect hybrid of online dating and going out to bars/clubs to meet people because the events are catered to your desired demographic (age/race/gender/interests). So its like walking into a party full of people who are “your type”.

This is something you might want to look into if you’re not in NYC because Match is doing events nationwide (this month they’ve got 189 singles events in more than 62 cities happening).

Stir events range from large scale happy hours at local bars and venues, to more intimate, interest-based events such as cooking classes, wine and tequila tastings, dance lessons, rock climbing, etc.

The Happy Hour events are free and open to both registered and subscribed Match.com members!

Match.com members can learn about and sign up for these events via Match.com under the “Events” header on the site.

They invited me to come and check out one of their events, so I’ll go, see what its like and report back to you… I’ll keep you posted!

“I would love to meet you in person, are you free this Friday?” Tom asked over the phone.

We’d met online (pre Robert) and had been talking on the phone for about a week. It was definitely time for a face-to-face, in order to see what our true chemistry/attraction was.

“Sure… what did you have in mind?”

“There’s a Starbucks in Times Square, lets meet there for coffee,” Tom said.

***Tires Screeching***

Starbucks?

on a Friday Night?

…in Times Square??

You know those dating commercials that say “Actual First Date” on the bottom, when the two people awkwardly meet in front of a restaurant and then laugh and flirt over sushi and drinks? Yeah. That hardly ever happens to me when I meet guys online. The guys I meet are all about the coffee date.

When did coffee become every guys idea of a perfect date? I have no idea… I mean- get it, a coffee date is cheap and can end quickly if needed. But lately guys seem to feel like they’re really “doing something” if they ask to meet you for coffee (mind you, most guys who have asked me to coffee don’t even drink coffee) augh!

Anyway, I feel like if a guy is going to use the “lets meet coffee” approach, he absolutely cannot try to book it on a Friday or Saturday night… that’s prime weekend time! If I’m a single girl, my Friday and Saturday Nights are for going out with my girls to meet new guys or for dates that are based around meals, activities or maybe a cocktail. Not paper cups with plastic lids and cardboard slip covers!

Okay, so back to Tom… I hesitated trying to figure out a way to say how I felt about his proposed date.

“I’d love to meet you, but maybe we can do something else? There has to be something else we can do on a Friday night in New York City,” I cooed.

“Well, I really want to talk and get to know you, I think Starbucks is nice and quiet. We can talk over a cup of coffee” he said. He sounded pleased with himself.

“There are lots of restaurants that are nice and quiet too,” I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

As much as I love Starbucks, it is not a quiet french cafe. Between the espresso machine, the frappuccino blender, the baristas yelling out orders and the “artist of the month” playing over the speakers… that place can be far from romantic. Not to mention he wanted to meet at the Starbucks in Times Square. (For those of you who don’t live in NYC, Times Square is like Disneyland… with homeless people.)

I could hear in his voice that he was trying to romanticize the starbucks thing, when at the end of the day he just wanted a cheap date (which again, I have no problem with just NOT on a Friday night!). I was backed into a corner because I’d already said I was free, but I refused to waste my Friday night in Times Square drinking coffee. Ultimately, I gave him 24 hours notice that I’d have to cancel our coffee date. Maybe I’m too high maintenance, but I just couldn’t do it…

How do YOU feel about coffee dates? Love ‘em? Hate ‘em?

“Hey… listen- I’m going to be late. I can’t find my debit card! I’m driving to the gas station now to see if I left it there!”

I held the phone away from my ear as Junior rambled on and on about getting to my Manhattan neighborhood from Brooklyn, where he lived. Junior was a guy I’d met online and after a few phone conversations, he asked if he could take me out. I agreed. “I’ll pick you up Saturday at 8 and then I’m going to take you wherever you want to go,” Junior had said.

Now, it was Saturday at 9:15 and I was about ready to wash my face and go to bed. But Junior insisted that he was parking one block from the central meeting location I’d arranged. He also explained that if he hadn’t had to take time to look for his debit card, he would have been on time. At 9:30, Junior was full of apologies and compliments. “I’m sorry sweetie, man you look beautiful” he said. “It’s still early though… what would you like to do?”

“Well, there’s a new lounge a few blocks from here, we could grab a drink?”

“Sure, sweetie, let’s go!”

We got to the lounge and a doorman asked to see our ID cards. I pulled mine out and as I was preparing to step into the lounge, Junior touched my arm. “I left my ID in the car, let me go get it, my bad.” I let out a deep sigh and waited on the corner while he grabbed his ID. He jogged back to me “Sorry about that,” he said. I took a step towards the lounge and he stopped me again.

“You know- I’m only 20, right?”

I blinked. I had just turned 22, so two years wasn’t a big deal but- “What were you getting your ID for then?!” I blurted out incredulously. “You knew we weren’t getting in- that doesn’t make any sense.”

“I dunno sweetie, I just-”

“aaaand you told me we could go ‘anywhere’. You knew you couldn’t get into a club so why not just pick a restaurant or something? Why act like we could go ANYWHERE when we obviously can’t!” Clearly, I was tired and hungry because I had no filter whatsoever. “Look, it was nice to meet you, but this isn’t going to work.” I turned on my heel and headed back towards my apartment. Junior ran after me.

“Wait, CeCe… come on- I’m sorry I don’t know what’s wrong with me- why don’t we just grab some food here at that restaurant across the street. I came all the way from Brooklyn and I’d really like to spend some time with you. Please.”

I should have left him on the street, but I guess being almost two hours late, being under age and being deceptive wasn’t enough for me to cut ties (*eye roll* at myself). “Fine, we can grab a bite,” I said following him to the restaurant.

When we got inside, they were already busing the tables and closing for the night. A young waitress with a lime green hair net told us that we could order something to go. “You know- I’m not real hungry,” Junior said “lets just order what you want and I’ll pick off your food.” I wanted to say I don’t know you like that, but I was too exhausted to argue. We ordered chicken and two sides that we would take home and eat in my kitchen while we chatted. “Your food will be ready in a few minutes” the waitress said.

I turned towards the door, “I’m going to wait outside,” I said.

“Okay, you gonna give me the money?”

“Excuse me?”

“I told you I lost my debit card… Its Saturday and the banks are closed… I don’t have any money,” he said reaching his hand out for me to hand over some cash.

At that moment, the waitress came through the kitchen doors with our bag of food. “That’ll be $12.95″ she said looking our way. I motioned to him “You can deal with that,” I said, then I pushed open the door and booked it to my apartment, looking over my shoulder the whole way home.

I think that may have been my worst first date ever….

It was the middle of summer 2010 and I was having a Pretty Day, one of those days where I just felt… pretty. I’d just had my hair done. I took a little extra time on my makeup before I met up with friends for brunch. I had on a bright yellow sundress and guys on the street were smiling and nodding at me as I walked by. My friends even mentioned that I was looking slimmer and after brunch, I ran to the bookstore and a guy in the non-fiction section asked for my number. I felt unstoppable!

On my way home, I got a text message from J.R., a guy I had been talking to online. J.R.’s profile said he was new to online dating, his photos weren’t very flattering, and he was constantly asking me for “more pics” which I can’t stand. To top it off, we had dinner plans the week before and he cancelled at the last minute claiming he was in a car accident and needed to go the the police station.

All of those things had my intuition on overdrive saying to leave him alone. The thing that kept me intrigued was that he had just graduated with his PhD. from NYU, I know that nerd/braniac guys sometimes come off better in person, so when he sent a text saying: Would you like to meet for a drink? I went against my instincts and decided to give him a chance. Besides, I was having a Pretty Day and I figured an impromtu date could only make my day better.

Boy, was I wrong.

Walking into the bar, I was immediately disappointed. J.R. was slumped down in a barstool wearing a wrinkled shirt and jeans; overall he looked pretty sloppy. He didn’t move. He didn’t stand up to greet me. He didn’t introduce himself. He didn’t motion for me to sit down. He just stared at me with this pinched expression that give him three chins. So I stared back at him.

“Are you gonna sit?” he said.

“I don’t know, I was waiting for you to be a gentleman and stand up to greet me… and maybe say ‘nice to meet you’?” I replied sarcastically.

“I would, but um… I hurt my hip yesterday,” he said.

Was this guy for real? I wanted to turn on my heel and walk out of the bar, but my manners kept me from leaving. I figured I could sit through one drink with him and then go home. I pulled up a chair next to him. He was on his phone texting with that same triple-chin expression on his face, so I just sat there quietly waiting for him to offer me a drink.

He didn’t.

I’ve been on more first dates than I can count and this was not the way things were supposed to go. I began plotting a polite escape when J.R.’s phone rang. “Excuse me,” he said pointing to the phone as he stepped outside. I quickly dialed my girlfriends number and explained the situation to her. “You need to get out of there ASAP!” she warned.

“Okay okay!” I hissed into the phone, “I feel bad, but when he comes back I’m just going to tell him that I have to leave,” just as I hung up the phone with her I got a text from him.

Now I see why you wouldn’t send me more pics, ur not cute at all and you’re huge! BYE!

I stared at my phone in shock. I could feel the heat rising to my face… I was angry. Not angry because of what he said but angry because I had spent 15 minutes trying to figure out how to let this guy down easy and he hadn’t given the same consideration to me.

And to top it all off, he’d ruined my Pretty Day!

His hurtful words echoed in my head as I sat at the bar alone. After a full day of affirmations from myself, my friends and random guys in bookstores; it was all stripped from me in a single text message. I pulled my bag off the back of the barstool and walked out of the bar.

As I made my way back to the train station, I began to think about rejection. As Plus Size Princesses, we walk around with this constant fear of rejection because of our weight. But rejection is a part of life. The fact is that everything isn’t for everybody and even though I went through an entire day feeling like I was the Prettiest Princess in all of NYC, there was a man who wasn’t feeling me, and that’s okay.

Was J.R. a jerk about it? Sure, but if I had listened to my instincts and left him alone from the beginning I wouldn’t have exposed myself to his awful behavior.

For every guy who approaches me, there are a million who don’t. Rejection happens everyday and if I’m going to keep living my life to the fullest I might as well get used to it and get over it.

I was rejected and I lived to tell the tale.

After deleting J.R.’s number from my phone, I decided to walk home. About five blocks from my apartment a man passed me and said “Good Evening, beautiful”.

I guess my Pretty Day wasn’t over after all….

By the time Adrian and I sat down to dinner, I’d calmed down a bit. His news was rough, but my pouting wasn’t going to change anything and he was leaving in less than 24 hours. As we sat across from each other we were very quiet… it was almost as if there was too much to say, so we said nothing.

I tried to treat the evening like any other date, instead of “our last night together” and that helped. By the time our food came, we’d been able to laugh and make jokes while he explained the project he would be working on.

“Are there going to be other American girls there?” I asked.

“I doubt it… its mostly men. Why? Are you worried?” he asked with a grin.

I could feel my cheeks getting hot with embarrassment, “I mean- not really, I was just wondering…”

We ate in silence for a few moments.

“Well, I’m worried,” Adrian said, between bites. “You’re so pretty, who knows what could happen in the month I’m gone.”

I laughed, “flattery will get you everywhere!” I joked.

“I’m serious,” he continued, “I would love to ask you not to see other people while I’m gone, but I know I don’t really have the right to do that.”

“Yeah, its hard,” I said, stunned.

Adrian bringing up exclusivity was flattering, on the other hand it felt like a cruel joke. This was exactly what I’ve been wanting, but as much as I liked Adrian, I couldn’t jump into a relationship under these circumstances. I loved that he wanted that from me, but the timing felt wrong.

That’s when I realized why I was so upset. I’ve been fighting so hard to get out of the grey with Robert and now I feel like I’m in a completely different grey area with Adrian. As direct as Adrian is about his feelings towards me, I’m going to have to wait until he’s back to see if a relationship will grow.

Once I realized what was upsetting me, I was able to stay in the moment with Adrian. We had a great dinner and sat on my steps eating ice-cream and kissing until 3am, then I sent him home to pack and crossed my fingers that I’d hear from him again.