Even though DIVAS stays open till 4am, after all the drama we left early. Paige and Reese dropped me off and I walked into my apartment at 3:30 am ready to wash my face and crawl into bed.

A while ago, I decided to get a nose ring.

I grabbed two friends for moral support and went down to The Village to put a hole in my face.

We walked into the tattoo parlor where a man named Ahmed was working. I was so excited that I didn’t pay attention to the fact that Ahmed had no tattoos or piercings of his own. He stood there wearing khaki’s and a white button down shirt while I happily picked out a pink rhinestone.

I laid back, but my nose in Ahmed’s hands and in a few moments I felt the sting and burn… I had done it!

“Good…Breathe” Ahmed chanted over and over as he sterilized the “L” shaped post of my pink rhinestone stud.

Then he began to insert it into my nose.

Now, I have had my ears pierced since I was a kid and I know that it takes little effort to put earrings on in the morning. So, when five minutes passed and Ahmed was still wriggling the stud in and out of my nose, I knew something wasn’t right.

“Is there a problem?” I asked, with my eyes closed.

What Ahmed should have explained was that nose rings are “L” shaped so to put one in, you must slide it in and turn it so that the little part of the “L” hugs the inside of your nostril. Unfortunately the post of my nose ring was getting lost in my nose cartilage. Ahmed was having trouble getting it all the way through my nose.

But he didn’t say all of that. Instead he said:

“YOUR NOSE IS TOO FAT.”

I hadn’t cried from the pain but that statement made tears well up in my eyes. Was it even possible to have a “FAT NOSE”???

I didn’t know what to do, so I allowed him to insert a small hoop into my nose, the circle shape of the hoop would be easier to get it through since it required no “turning”.

“MUCH BETTER.” He said.

But I was miserable… a hoop???
I wanted a pink rhinestone stud. This was not the look I was going for!

The next morning I marched myself back down to the village and found the scariest tattoo parlor on Christopher Street. I was greeted by Jim, a man with an eyebrow ring, two hoops in his nose and he was covered in tattoos. He looked like he knew his stuff.

I explained my situation and sheepishly asked if my nose cartilage was “too (ahem) fat for a stud”.

“Not at all,” he replied his eyes softening. “All we have to do is adjust the curve of the “L” post and it will fit just fine.”

He took a pair of pliers made a quick adjustment and in 10 minutes I had a pink stud sparkling in my nose. I sat admiring my new nose ring in the mirror when Jim said,

“You know, I don’t think its possible to have a ‘fat’ nose.”

I wanted to kiss his tattooed face!

It was a strange feeling to be in a club and not feel invisible.

At DIVAS there were chubby chicks, curvy girls, fat ladies and everything in between and there was someone for everyone.

Paige and Reese knew everyone there and everyone there wanted to know me. Droves of men would come over and kiss Paige and Reese hello, and then wink at me, kiss my hand or ask “Who’s your friend?”

It felt nice.

“C’mon, lets dance” Reese said, grabbing my arm.

Now, when I hang out with my model friends Kenzie, Annie and Emilie, we hit the dance floor and inevitably they partner off with different guys, leaving me alone on the dance floor.

When Reese and I stepped onto the floor it was totally different.

Reese was a good dancer and I was working it too, Reese took my hand and twirled me around as we moved and swayed laughing, I felt all eyes on us. Two men made their way across the floor towards us.

With no words, one of the men slipped his hand around my waist and before I knew it, our legs were intertwined, my arms were around his shoulders and he was sliding his hands over my hips. I looked over at Reese, she caught my eye and winked.

His name was Darren, he was from New Jersey and he drove out to DIVAS whenever he could. He wore a little too much cologne, but he was a good dancer. We danced a few songs when I realized I hadn’t seen Paige in a while.

I caught a glimpse of her on one of the couches and made my way over.

“What’s up?” I asked. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just… waiting”

“For…?”

“I’m supposed to meet this guy Tony Lake, tonight.” she replied looking over my shoulder.

According to Paige, she met Tony Lake at one of the DIVAS parties a few weeks back and earlier in the week, they went on their first date. He invited her to a party, introduced her to some friends of his and at the end of the night told her about how he wanted to eventually settle down and have a family.

It was at that point that she slept with him.

“Anyway, we promised to meet here and I’m going home with him again tonight… There he is!” Paige shrieked.

She quickly downed the rest of her drink and smoothing her hair, she jumped up and pushed her way through the crowd, leaving me alone on the couch. Reese and I spent the rest of the night dancing with guys and enjoying the drinks some of them bought us. I was dancing with Darren again when Reese rushed over and grabbed my arm.

“Paige is outside. I need your help,” she said.

I was confused but before I could ask questions Reese was pulling me off the dance floor.

I followed Reese out of the club. As we turned the corner, I heard the sound of tires screeching as a red car sped past us. Paige was in the middle of the street running after the car and screaming at the top of her lungs.

“WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!”

I stood frozen as Reese ran over and took Paige by the shoulders, leading her out of the street and onto the sidewalk. Paige was sobbing, and Reese sat her down on a nearby bench. I reached into my purse for a tissue and handed it to Paige.

“I didn’t mean to make a scene,” Paige said “but he… he LIED! We were supposed to go home together tonight and he just left with another girl!”

“This is what happens when you hook up on the first date” Reese muttered.

Paige looked up at me, her wide eyes filled with tears “He introduced me to his friends! He said he was getting ready to start settling down!”

“I’m so sorry” I said, not knowing what else to say.

Reese stood up and pulled out her car keys “Tony Lake is a player,” she said. “There’s nothing we can really do about it now, Paige. Its late, so lets get the hell out of here.”

I don’t have any plus size friends.

So, when my friend Ken brought his friend Paige to the movies one night I was surprised to see that she too was a Plus Size Princess. We hit it off and exchanged contact information.

A few days later she called and asked what I was doing that weekend. I didn’t have any plans.

“Have you ever been to a BBW party?”

“A what?”

I had no idea what she was talking about, so she explained that there are clubs dedicated to Big Beautiful Women (and men) and the guys (or girls) who love them.

I was speechless.

I flashed back to all the times I had gone out with my girlfriends and watched as they danced with guy after guy, while I was usually ignored. If there was a club that celebrated girls like me, that would change everything.

Paige said that she and her friend Reese would pick me up on Saturday night and we would all go out to “DIVAS”.

I spent the rest of the week deciding what I should wear. I finally decided on a knee length black halter dress with bright pink heels.

Paige and Reese pulled up to my apartment at 10pm and by 10:45 I was entering a night-club where I was the rule and not the exception.

We walked straight to the bar for a round of martinis. As I fished through my pink snakeskin clutch for cash, I felt a hand on the small of my back. I turned around and was face to face with a tall, Spanish looking man with curly hair and gorgeous light brown eyes.

He smiled and said, “Can I buy your drink?”

“Um, sure” I replied tossing my hair over my shoulder.

Reese and Paige exchanged knowing glances… this was going to be good!

My straight guy friends (yes I have a few of those) mentioned a “Butterface” the other day.

Butterface: A girl who has a bangin’ body… but her face…is a mess.

Now, I’ve always heard “You have such a pretty face!” which I eventually realized is what people say to Plus size Princesses.

Why not just say “You’re pretty”?

Why is it necessary to specify that I am only attractive from the neck up?

Does this make me a Butterbody???

And don’t even get me started on people saying “You have a pretty smile” which excludes everything but a Big Girls teeth!

Thank God teeth can’t gain weight.

If it were possible to have fat teeth, some Big Girls would never get compliments at all!

I had a voicemail from James.

“Hey Celeste… its James. I miss you. I want to see you. Call me.”

I was getting tired of this homo/hetero limbo!

I had been avoiding him since Kenzie and I saw him at the beach. But I had to figure this out, if my gaydar and Kenzie’s gaydar had both been stumped, there was only one thing left to do.

I had to call in reinforcements… The Gays themselves.

I called Adam, explained everything and before I knew it he had arranged a cocktail party at his apartment for a few people, including Colin and Dean.

Adam has been my best friend since high school, Colin is his long time boyfriend and Dean is their friend who likes to call himself my “Big sister”.

“Bring James,” Adam said “If he’s a ‘Mo… we’ll let you know!”

The night of the cocktail party came quickly. I slipped on a pink off the shoulder dress and a pair of white espadrilles and went over to Adam’s apartment early to help them set up and have a pre-party drink to kill my nerves.

The doorbell rang and there was James in khaki’s and a blue polo shirt holding a bottle of wine and some flowers, he kissed me on the cheek and whispered “You look great”.

The night was a blast. We chatted and played games, James got along great with everyone who was there and stayed by my side the entire night. As we sat on the couch together James slipped his arm around me and began to casually play with my hair. It felt nice. Maybe he was straight… I could get used to this….

Suddenly, I could feel “Big Sister” Dean’s gaze from across the room, as he sat quietly sipping red wine.

Dean was never quiet.

I excused myself and when Dean saw me coming he jumped out of his chair and headed down the hall. I pushed him into the bathroom.

“Tell me NOW!” I hissed.

Dean sat on the ledge of the bathtub and crossed his legs “Girl, what are you talking about?”

“Dean! You know James is here for a gay appraisal!”

“Oh, is that what this is?” He began to laugh.

“Shhhh! Dean come on,” I whispered “What do you think about JAMES? Be honest!” I leaned against the sink waiting for an answer.

Dean stood up and walked over to me, he put a loving hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eyes and said

“James? hmph. She seems nice.”

It had been a few weeks since I met James. We had been hanging out regularly, and he had invited me to a party at his friends beach house. I liked him and he seemed he liked me, so I agreed to go, but I still couldn’t get the thought out of my head that he was gay.