I’ve been having a rough couple of months.

As most of you know, I date a lot but I rarely date one person for an extended period of time like I’m doing with Robert. Things with Robert are a work in progress and while its not horrible, I wouldn’t say I’m anywhere near my “happy ending”. I think what I’m feeling is pretty normal since you all let me know that dating/relationships are hard work, but these emotions are brand new for me.

Because of these new emotions, I’ve been doubting myself. I’m usually pretty solid on how I feel about dating and have no problem sharing my thoughts in the Curvy Conversations section of TBGB but right now I’m struggling to navigate through my own dating situation. Because of this, I’ve been wondering if maybe I should wait until I’ve figured things out with Robert before I share my thoughts with you guys.

During this low period, I’ve had a few emails come in from girls asking for dating advice. I love emailing with PSP’s but I just wasn’t in a good place to answer these emails. I felt awful about it, but every time I tried to reply to emails nothing came out right.

Last week I got an email from Diane, a PSP who had written to me before. Here is what she said:

Wow Diane,

Thank YOU for the update. First of all, you look so happy! Secondly, I’m a sucker for guys with glasses so hooray for you!!

Your letter gave me a bit of my confidence back and reminded me what Curvy Conversations on TBGB are all about. *sigh* None of us have all the answers, all the time. Sometimes TBGB readers reach out to me for advice and sometimes I reach out to you guys! Hopefully we can all continue to help each other and support each other as we work towards living life to the fullest as Plus Size Princesses.

A year ago I was able to help you and today you’ve returned the favor… your email couldn’t have come at a better time.

All the best to you and your boy, keep me updated!

xoxo,

CeCe

CeCe@thebiggirlblog.com

P.S. I will be responding to all emails this week. Thanks for your patience!

Spanx… Foundation Garments… Body Shapers… Girdles… whatever you want to call them every Plus Size Princess has at least one pair in her drawer.

So, lets talk about them! I’m going to share a few stories and tips regarding Spanx and when I’m done, hopefully some of you will do the same! Lets begin:

1. The “Swoosh” Factor: Last year I bought a new body shaper (biking shorts that went from my mid thigh all the way under my breasts). I wore them under a knee length dress to prevent chub rub, but when I got into my quiet office I realized that the shiny/slinky fabric made a swoosh-swoosh noise every time I took a step! You could hear me coming a mile away and it was mortifying! When I went to use the bathroom I noticed that the inside fabric was soft and not shiny at all. I turned the body shaper inside out and voila! I was able to walk around the office without my inner thighs announcing me before I arrived. (Tip: Turn Spanx inside out if they’re making too much noise when you walk).
2. Marilyn Moments: I recently discovered an anti-chaffing gel which means that I don’t always have to wear Spanx under my dresses. This makes me most excited when it comes to “Marilyn Moments” when the wind blows my skirt unexpectedly or when I sit down and my skirt rises to show the bottom of my Spanx. This is just NOT CUTE. (Tip: When I do decide to wear Spanx under a flowy dress, I always wear a slip over the spanx so that when the wind blows the slip is what shows, not my shorts.)
3. Mob Wives Moments: When I saw this, I was pretty speechless, I think all of my Spanx mishaps pale in comparison. (Tip: If you’re planning to get into a fight on reality TV, Spanx may not be a good idea.) photo by TVGasm
4. Spanx & Jeans: I was out with Robert and his brother last month and there was a plus size girl wearing jeans, spanx and a teeny-tiny t-shirt. As she was drinking and dancing, her shirt rode up in the back and soon enough 3 inches of white spanx were showing above her waistband. The slick fabric that most body shapers are made of can cause clothes to slip up and out of place without us knowing. (Tip: If you’re wearing Spanx under jeans, make sure your shirt is long enough and not super tight)
5. $panx: Um… Spanx are expensive! While I understand the importance of a body shaper, I also understand the importance of paying my bills, so I’m constantly looking for cheaper alternatives. The Avenue used to have an amazing line of body shapers, but for some reason they’ve stopped carrying them. I would get Spanx replica’s for like $20 from them and they were perfect! Another place I purchase body shapers are the plus size catalogs (i.e. Roamans, Onestopplus, etc.) they usually have lycra girdles at great prices. (Tip: Don’t get chained to a brand name)

6. Erin P. left this note on my facebook page: Thought of your blog last night. I was at a wedding and “caught” the bouquet, I didn’t catch it, my hands were glued to my sides, it smacked me in the face. And then, the poor guy that caught the garter of course had to put it on me, I had spanx on and wanted to die. He was super trim and I was possibly the biggest girl in the room and I was terrified he was gonna keep going and hit the spanx…lol…the perils of being a big girl!
   Thanks so much for the hilarious comment Erin, I think all Plus Size Princesses can relate to this, which leads me to…

7. Chastity Belts: As I mentioned before, when I have on Spanx and a guy touches my leg, I completely freeze. Sometimes spanx can become a chastity belt, keeping us from getting close to guys physically (which isn’t always a bad thing). I can remember bringing a guy home for a make-out session and bee-lining it to the bathroom to take my spanx off and hide them under the sink. At the end of the day, Spanx aren’t the sexiest thing but they’re a necessary evil for some of us. I love that Erin can laugh about it, because honestly there are much more tragic things in the world than a guy seeing our Spanx and at this point most guys know what they are anyway. (Tip: Have a sense of humor)

8. Spanx in the Summer: During this NYC heatwave, I think the most awful part of my day has been when I’m getting into my spanx in the morning and when I’m peeling them off at night. Its a workout! But it encourages me to get my crunches in so that one day I can be 100% Spanx-free. (Tip: Baby powder?)
9. Spanx in the Bathroom: There is nothing worse than having to go to the bathroom and fighting to get out of Spanx. Actually there is something worse; pulling Spanx back on after using the bathroom when they’re rolling and you’re kinda sweaty. Yuck. (Tip: More baby powder?)
10. Wear Spanx for the right reasons: When I mentioned Spanx on a post a few weeks ago, someone left a comment saying “Also, even in hot, humid, 100+ degree TX, I wear Assets (Spanx cheaper version) b/c I don’t want my butt jiggling when I walk” For what its worth, most of the guys I know would have NO PROBLEM seeing a little jiggle back there. So, if that’s what’s keeping you sweating it out in Spanx, I say ditch them and shake your tail feather!

As you can see, I can go on about Spanx for days, but I’ll stop and let you girls (and guys) chime in.

Do you have any stories or tips when it comes to Body Shapers?

A few weeks ago I got into a conversation with some Plus Size Princesses on Twitter. I mentioned that because I’m 5’10, its hard for me to find maxi dresses that are long enough. Of course there were shorter PSP’s who complained that most maxi’s are too long for them but hemming a dress is an option for them, Tall girls can’t add fabric.

So I thought I’d share some of my tall girl tricks for maxi dresses.

This summer I bought a few plain strapless maxi’s from Target. I’ve been sliding them down under my boobs to make maxi skirts. Sometimes I tuck a tank-top in that’s the exact same color as the skirt, add a belt and voila, it looks like a maxi dress. Other times I do color blocking. My favorite way to do this style is to use my halter swimsuit. This ensures that there will be no bunching under the skirt and its an easy beach look.

Robert took a deep breath.

“Normally I wouldn’t bring this up because it doesn’t matter to me, but I know it matters to you so, I figured we should talk about it.”

My stomach tensed up because I had no idea what he was talking about and it didn’t sound good, “okay– what’s up?” I said, trying to sound calm.

“Eleanor requested me as a friend on Facebook today,” he said, searching my face immediately for a reaction.

Eleanor is a woman who works in our office. She and I have a lot in common and overtime had developed what I would call a friendship. But last year she stopped speaking to me without explanation. I emailed her asking if I had done something to offend her and she never replied. When we’re at work events, she pretends I’m invisible and I have no choice but to do the same. Its one of the more hurtful things that anyone has ever done to me. Robert knows this.

“Considering how things are between you two, I figured I should talk to you about it,” Robert continued. I could feel a smile breaking out over my face. I had recently had a conversation with Robert about loyalty and what I expected from the people who cared about me. It was a hard conversation to have because I was setting some specific ground rules on what I expected from someone I was dating.

Asking for what you want can be a very difficult thing in dating. It’s taken me a while to realize that men aren’t mind readers and sometimes I have to voice my needs, but I’m always reluctant to do that. I think I’m reluctant because when someone knows what you expect of them they can still decide not to give it to you.

If they decide not to, it can be hurtful. But I’ve been trying to be more vulnerable and let my needs be known. Now here Robert was making an attempt to give me what I’d asked for.

While he wasn’t asking permission to accept her friend request, he was taking me into consideration and giving me a say.

“You should accept her friend request,” I said.

“Really?” he asked, perplexed.

“Yes really… the fact that you ran it by me means a lot. I’m totally cool with it.”

“…and if I hadn’t come to you first?” he asked.

“Then I probably would have flipped out on you,” I said laughing (because it was true). Sometimes you just need a guy to make a gesture of solidarity with you.

“You’re such a girl,” he replied.

I shrugged.

As a Plus Size Princess, I feel like I always have to think ahead when it comes to trying new things.

For example, Robert and his brother invited me to go skydiving next summer and while I said yes, I made a mental note to google “sky diving weight” and see if there would be any issues for me. In order to minimize any embarrassment, I feel like I have to get all the details on things that most people take for granted.

When I booked my first ever Spa Day at La Vie Zen Spa, my mind was working through any potential issues my weight might cause. I booked a Brazilian wax, Massage and Facial. I felt comfortable getting all of those treatments, but I was a bit nervous about spending the day in a bathrobe. Every time I’d seen girls doing a Spa Day on TV or in magazines, they lounged around in luxurious white bathrobes laughing and sipping champagne in between treatments.

What if the robes didn’t fit me?

I had awkward visions of me tiptoeing from room to room half naked, trying hopelessly to pull a robe around me (kind of like the towels at the gym). That image just wasn’t cute or relaxing. Staying two steps ahead, I decided to bring my white cover-up so that I’d have something in my size.

The idea of bringing my own cover-up put me completely at ease, so you can imagine my panic when I realized I’d forgotten my cover-up at my apartment!

When I walked into the Madison Avenue spa, I couldn’t help but calm down. The quiet ambiance, soothing music and the gentle sound of water trickling from their waterfall made me relax a bit. After a few short minutes in the waiting area, I was escorted into a changing room where I was to trade my street clothes for comfy slippers and… a bathrobe *gulp*.

I slipped my arms in and it didn’t feel tight, and as a prepared to pull/stretch the rob around me I realized that it fit very comfortably! It was actually roomy! At that moment I relaxed completely.

My Brazilian Wax went off without a hitch. Irina, my aesthetician was very friendly, funny and made me feel super comfortable which for a big girl is very important. A lot of the waxing spas use the new self hardening wax, but Irina uses hot wax and strips which I’m starting to think is a better technique for my sensitive skin. She asked me questions like we were old girl friends which made the process fly by. (comparing this wax to Completely Bare, I’d rate it a 9/10).

When I came out from getting my wax, there was a personalized tray waiting for me, which was such a lovely touch.

After munching on light snacks and tea, I was taken in for my facial with Zanna. I’d never had a facial before, so I was interested to see what she would do. Her treatment focused on my face and decolletage and she explained everything she was doing and why. She gave me a few tips on what to do at home (exfoliate! exfoliate! exfoliate!) and her sweet and soothing personality made me even more pleased with my choice.

Lastly I had a 60 minute massage with Michelle. She gave me the La Vie Zen signature massage, a mix of Swedish, Deep Tissue, and Shiatsu techniques which she tailored to my bodies needs after I told her what I was looking for. I had a lot of tension from stress and working out and she was able to find my stress points and work on them beautifully.

After my massage, I sat in a tranquil room in my comfy bathrobe sipping tea and I did not want to leave. This spa would be perfect for a group of girlfriends or even a bridal shower and I will definitely be back. They have a 9 head Vichy shower that I’m dying to try. When I reluctantly made my way back to the changing room, I got curious about my bathrobe. I checked the tag and the size was a 4X, no wonder it was so awesomely roomy!

On my way out I asked one of the managers if they keep an array of robes on hand for different clients. She informed me that they want all of their clients to feel comfortable so they keep lots of robe sizes on hand so that no one is embarrassed.

I couldn’t help but smile… I guess I wasn’t the only one thinking two steps ahead! A spa that keeps Plus Size Princesses in mind will definitely be my spa of choice moving forward.

Side Note: I was able to do this spa day because of a Groupon (groupon’s are saving me so much money! Join here if you’re not already a member). Also, La Vie Zen does managers specials often (Currently they have a great deal on the massage/facial that I did) so follow them on facebook to stay in the loop https://www.facebook.com/LaVieZenSpa