It was Saturday afternoon and Paige was calling me, that could only mean one thing… she wanted to go to DIVAS. I didn’t have plans so we decided to meet up around 10:30pm and head downtown… I had lost 20 pounds and Paige spent the whole train ride talking about it. “Oh my God, what am I gonna do when you’re all skinny?”, “You’re going to be small and leave me at DIVAS all alone!”, “All the guys are going to be all over you tonight!”

When we arrived, the place was packed and Paige and I had to push through a sea of soft bodies just to get to the dance floor. Through the crowd I noticed a guy with a newsboy cap on. He was very attractive and tall, and looking in our direction. I leaned over to Paige, “That guy is so cute!” I yelled over the music. At that moment another guy grabbed me to dance. As I danced with him I watched Paige turn on her heel and walk over to “newsboy cap”. She whispered something into his ear, turned and pointed to me, he glanced up, saw me and whispered back to her. Then she took his hand and they began to dance.

The night continued like this, Paige and I dancing with different guys, people buying us drinks etc. During a song I didn’t particularly like, I took a seat on one of the couches surrounding the dance floor. I felt someone standing over me, it was the “newsboy”.

“Mind if I sit down?” he asked

“Sure,” I replied, scooting over. Newsboy was from Brooklyn and he worked as a manager for the Marriott in Times Square. After chatting for a while, he motioned for me to come closer.

“I have a confession,” he whispered. “Earlier your friend asked me which one of you was cuter… I didn’t want to be rude, so I told her that you were both beautiful girls, but I really wanted to say– you.”

“Um, thanks” I said. I could feel my face getting hot, not because of his compliment, but because Paige would even ask such a question… I was not in competition with her and pitting us against each other wasn’t cool… it was awkward.

Suddenly the DJ switched songs and Newsboy jumped up “This is my joint, right here!” he said taking my hand. He rocked and grooved to “Buddy” by Musiq. I liked the beat of the song but didn’t agree with the lyrics that spoke of a guy looking for a casual sex partner (aka a “Buddy”).

For the rest of the night Newsboy and I were inseparable. When he offered to drive Paige and me uptown so we wouldn’t have to take the subway late at night we agreed. Paige lives in the Bronx and I live in Manhattan, so we drove her as far as we could and she took a cab the rest of the way.

As Newsboy drove me home that “Buddy” song came on the radio. He reached over and turned the music up singing “It would be fly… if you were my B-U-D-D-Y…”

As we neared my apartment, Newsboy asked if he could come up. I said no. He pulled into an open parking space across the street from my building. “Lets just sit here and talk then” he said. He unbuckled my seat belt and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me towards him. He asked questions like “Did you have fun tonight?” and “You know I’m really feeling you, right?” I sat there rigid, with my head on his shoulder wanting to believe what he was saying. As he played with the ends of my hair, he began to tell me how glad he was to have met me and how I sexy I was.

“You should let me come up,” he whispered. “I promise you wont regret it.”

I reached under my seat to retrieve my purse so I could get out of the car. I wasn’t exactly surprised that a guy who is obsessed with a song about having a “sex buddy” was acting this way. But I was frustrated because newsboy was so cute! He was making me wish for a moment that I was the type of girl who could have a guy up for a no strings attached night… but I wasn’t that girl.

“Goodnight.” I said as I went to open the door.

“Hey” he said.

I turned around and he gave me a big smile. “You can’t blame a guy for trying.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. I leaned in to give him a hug and when I pulled away, he kissed me. Everything in me said to get out of the car, but I didn’t move. I let him kiss me again and before I knew it I was kissing him back. Maybe I can do this… I thought. I closed my eyes and let his lips travel down my neck. Maybe this isn’t so bad…

“Lemme show you what I’m workin‘ with” he murmured into my hair.

I was lost in my own thoughts when I heard a “ziiiip” I opened my eyes and saw that Newsboy was proudly showing me his…um… “newsboy”. The sight of it jolted me back to reality.

Very few of the guys that go to DIVAS are looking for anything more than one night, so what is the point of the gorgeous plus size princesses who go to DIVAS pitting themselves up against each other? So, Newsboy liked me and not Paige– that didn’t mean I’d have a chance at a relationship, a date or even a connection… the only thing that insured was that he was going to try and have sex with me and that’s not worth any competition.

I grabbed my purse and jumped out of the car. “Have a good night okay?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ll call you later.”

It wasn’t until my elevator doors closed behind me that I realized he didn’t even have my phone number.

Autumn in New York makes me want to be in love….

So, when I checked my online dating account and saw that I had a message from a guy named Steve, it was perfect timing. I could tell Steve was creative from his online profile which said he was into things like punk rock, doo wop and that he collected vinyl records. He had one photo, which was an angular close-up of his face, showing his big brown puppy dog eyes through black framed glasses.

After a few emails back and forth, Steve and I began talking on the phone. He was from London originally and I loved listening to his accent. We chatted easily, and soon he asked me if I wanted to have dinner with him. It was Autumn in New York and I wanted to be in love, so of course– I accepted.

When we hung up the phone, I remembered the diet I was on! I was weeks into the Weight Management Program and was dropping 5+ pounds per week. I didn’t want to ruin my progress, but I also didn’t want to ruin my chances with Steve… I was stuck.

As part of the WMP, I receive weekly calls from Natalie, my nutritionist, on Fridays. She calls to check in on my progress since our Tuesday meeting and also to provide encouragement for the weekend ahead. My date with Steve was Friday Night and when she asked me if I had any upcoming hurdles I told her about it.

“Do you feel comfortable explaining your diet to him?” Natalie asked.

“No.”

“Maybe you could do something other than dinner…” she suggested.

“Maybe, but I don’t know him that well, dinner is safe and I don’t want to change our plans at the last minute”

“Okay, I understand. Well– go on your date, have fun… but eat your prescribed foods before you go. Double up on shakes and entrees, and that way you’ll be full and it will be easier to order something small.”

I agreed to follow Natalie’s advice, she wished me luck and we hung up.

I rushed home after work and started getting dressed. I decided on a denim skirt and a pink turtle neck sweater. I zipped up my slouchy soft leather boots, pulled my bangs back with a green scarf and I was ready.

I took the train downtown and called him. As we spoke on the phone trying to locate each other by describing what we had on, I realized I didn’t really know what Steve looked like. From his photo I knew he had brown eyes and black framed glasses and because I asked, I knew he was 6’1 but that was it! I scanned the crowd and my eyes fell on a man wearing black framed glasses talking on the phone– He was about 5’11, portly, with badly slouching shoulders and as he scanned the crowed it seemed that he had a lazy eye. That couldn’t be Steve… could it? I slowed my pace and continued talking to him hoping that the person I was looking at was on the phone with someone else and not me… but sure enough his mouth was forming the words I was hearing.

I walked over to him, we said our hello’s and he ushered me into a trendy restaurant. We sat down and I focused intently on the menu so I could gather my thoughts. My mind was racing! I felt so foolish! I wasn’t sure if I should blame him for his “optical illusion” profile photo or blame myself for leaving so much to my own imagination. I needed to get over it, and as I composed myself I could feel his eyes on me.

“You– You’re much prettier in person,” He said.

I looked up from my menu into his asymmetrical eyes, he smiled, and our dinner began. After a few drinks I pushed past my physical disappointments with him. It was then that I realized I had another hurdle… he was was really awkward! Not just awkward, but borderline weird. It made me anxious and my whole diet went out the window. I had cocktails, I had a full dinner and when he insisted that I order dessert, I caved! (but I only ate half of it).

Dinner was winding down and he began complimenting me again on how attractive I was.

“What made you put that green scarf in your hair?” he asked. “it looks great!”

“Um– I dunno…” I stammered.

“Its very retro, I like that… I noticed your boots on the way in,” he continued “can I see them?”

He leaned over the side of the table and before I knew it I was sliding my leg out.

“Lovely…” he murmured. “… and your bag?” he said glancing at the leather xoxo tote I had in my lap.

“Very nice,” he said nodding “very nice.”

I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew I had to leave. He paid the bill and I stood up abruptly, I couldn’t make my way out of the restaurant and onto the train fast enough. I woke up early Saturday morning and forced myself to do a double work out. After 45 minutes on the treadmill, and 15 minutes on the stair climber, I jumped in the pool for 30 minutes of laps.

Steve– what a waste of calories!

I stepped onto the digital scale and watched the digits roll around a bit until they settled on a number, I winced a little and looked away.

I had taken off my cowboy style belt because it was heavy and would have added to my weight, but now that small amount I had shaved off seemed pointless. The nurse gave me a big smile and scribbled the number down.

“This is the beginning!” she said.

And she was right, it was. I had signed up and paid for this medically supervised Weight Management Program (WMP) and there was no where to go but up… or down rather, in weight. After being weighed and a conversation with the doctor who ran the program, I got in line to purchase my food. For the next 10 dress sizes, I was going to be eating:

• Shakes (made with powder, water and ice.)
• Snack Bars (in one of three flavors)
• Tiny Entrees (the size of two iPhones put together)

But I could eat as much of the above foods as I wanted… *sigh*. According to the informational meeting I attended, these meals, combined with weekly weigh-ins and meetings were going to bring my weight down tremendously, without surgery. I looked around at the other participants, they were chatting and munching on Snack Bars– complimenting each other on inches lost, and slimming faces. The program had a rolling admission, so I was the new girl.

After purchasing food for the week, we were ushered into one of the hospital’s conference rooms for our meeting. I walked in and took a seat at the huge table. I started reading the back of my shake container and when I glanced up, I noticed that everyone was writing their name and weight on the whiteboard. Hopefully this part of the program was optional, because my actual weight was something I did not want to share with strangers. I mean, the number was something I didn’t care to see for a brief moment on the scale– why would I want to stare at it in red dry erase marker for 90 minutes?

Natalie, the counselor for the WMP, entered carrying a blender, a bottle of water, a box of shakes and a bowl of ice… and so the meeting began. She made us a chocolate shake and added little pieces of the prescribed peanut butter snack bar to the blender before whipping it into a smooth drink. She passed out samples for us to try and called it a “Reese’s shake”. She explained that if we are creative with our limited food selection we wont get bored.

“You can eat as much as you want– as long as your eating the prescribed foods!” she reminded us. Then she asked everyone to go around the table and state their name and weight loss for the week. As people shared their progress, she would give encouragement and kudos where needed.

Then she got to me…

“Hi, I’m Celeste”

There was a chorus of “Hi’s” “hello’s” and “welcomes” and surprisingly Natalie didn’t ask me about my weight. Maybe she saw the fear in my eyes or maybe she forgot– either way I was grateful.

The following week I followed the program 100%. I avoided social gatherings where dinner and/or drinks were involved. I drank shakes, eat small entrees and nibbled on snack bars. And when I wasn’t doing that, I was at the gym.

Seven days later, I was in the doctors office for my second WMP meeting. The nurse ushered me into the room to be weighed.

I slipped off my belt buckle stepped onto the scale and watched the digits roll around a bit. I couldn’t believe my eyes– I lost EIGHT POUNDS!