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Hey Cece,

I just started reading your blog recently. I noticed you give advice to us PSP’s and I wanted to ask your advice on this… I am headed to the Super Bowl in less than 2 weeks and I’m the only girl in my family bigger than a size 6…I’m a 16! I want to wear something fun to the Super Bowl (and after parties) without going over the top. Any great outfit ideas for when you know you’re going to be pictures with skinnies?!

Thanks girl.

Love,
B

Hey B,

First of all, congrats on your Superbowl trip… how fun!

I love clothes and fashion but I don’t talk about it too much on TBGB. (I try to leave those things to the professional plus size fashion bloggers) On the other hand, I do love a challenge, so I’ll take a stab at your question.

When it comes to sporting events, nothing is hotter than mixing masculine and super feminine. So if it were me, here’s the look I’d create:

I would take the T-Shirt of whichever team I’m rooting for and cut it into something sexy that shows my assets. Perhaps a halter top? I’ve converted Tshirts into halters a couple of times and its super fun and always a conversation piece. You can use rhinestones or sequins to embellish the logo etc.

If you’re scared or don’t know where to start, head to Borders and pick up 99 ways to cut, sew & trim your Tshirt

Example:

Of course you’re going to be outside, so I would get a cute cardigan to go over the Tshirt.

Then I would either do something relaxed like a denim skirt, tights and boots. OR I would grab a hot pair of jeans. (I’m in love with my new Source of Wisdom jeans that I picked up from Torrid).

Of course, flawless make-up and accessories are a must. Sweep your hair into a casual pony tail and… Voila! you have a one-of-a-kind look that shows your team spirit and femininity.

Hopefully that helps!

xoxo,
CeCe

P.S. I saw a photo of you on your blog and you have NO REASON to worry about being in pictures with “skinnies” lol you’re super cute and I hope you send me a photo of whatever you decide to wear.

Hey CeCe,

P.S. I also have to tell you that I absolutely xoxo your blog!:)

Dear Ms. I Just Want It To Be Over,

Your letter actually contains all the answers you’re looking for. Lets go through it and see what advice you’ve given yourself:

He also said that he didn’t want to be in a serious relationship and that he was at a point in his life where he was tired of playing games with women’s hearts and their emotions. When a guy tells you that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, what he really means is that He doesnt want to be in a relationship…

1.)ever
2.)right now
or
3.)with you

Either way, we have to listen and respect that. Obviously its hard for you because there was a time when he was ready to be with you and you let your insecurities get in the way, but if he’s saying he doesn’t want to play with women’s hearts, maybe he knows something about himself right now that you don’t. Maybe he’s protecting you from something… it doesnt matter, you can’t change his mind.

Ever since I told him I feel awkward around him and in the back of my mind I feel like he doesn’t “like me in that way” because of my size. Now granted he constantly tells me I am beautiful and compliments me. Then its not your size, he obviously finds you attractive (he has for a while).

It is so funny because whenever a guy express interest in me or I mention a guy he starts to act differently towards me….He calls me his “favorite girl” and says that I am one of the most important women in his life and one of the few people that he can really trust which makes it even harder to distance myself from him. This guy knows how to keep you close, but he doesn’t want you too close to him or any other guys. Sounds like he wants to “have his cake and eat it too” and that’s never cool.

A friend once said to me “don’t let a man sit in a seat that may be meant for someone else”. If you’re anything like me, When you get into these half-relationships (p.s. I’m swearing all of mine off for 2010), you start giving them priority seating in your life. This is making it hard for any guy who’s standing in the wings, waiting to be with you. And its not like you have priority seating in his life. He’s given his #1 seat to some dramatic girl that he “feels sorry for”.

I want to get off of this emotional roller coaster I am on. So should I cut him off completely so I can heal? or should I take one for the team and be miserable? Its clear that you’re a great girl (why else would he work so hard to keep you around?) but at some point you have to decide what you’re worth. Why would you stay in a friendship that makes you miserable? He’s allegedly staying with his girlfriend out of guilt and now it seems he’s guilted you into being his “half-girlfriend”. You say you want to get off the emotional roller coaster and I think that’s a great idea.

You were honest enough to say that in order for you to heal, you need to “cut him off completely”… if that’s what it takes, I say get out the scissors.

xoxo,
CeCe

P.S. Reading this letter made me think about a lot of things in my own life, so I hope I was able to answer with clarity. TBGB Readers, do you have anything to add? Is there anything I missed?

I woke up slightly disoriented, but after a few minutes I realized that I had fallen asleep fully clothed and was using Kevin as a pillow. This was our last night together before I flew back. We’d packed our evening full of plans that included miniature golf and hanging out with his friends. At the end of it all, we’d come back to his apartment and apparently we both passed out while watching a movie. I tried not to move as I felt myself rise and fall slightly with his breathing.

I looked at the clock on his cable box. It was 2:15am and I needed to get home asap. My traditional parents would not be happy with me spending the night at a boys apartment. On the other hand, I knew that I wouldn’t have time to see Kevin again before I flew back to New York. Even though it was time for me to go, I stayed put.

When I booked my flight home for Christmas, I never would have imagined that all of this would happen. A two week dating whirlwind had been the breath of fresh air I needed after everything that happened (or didn’t happen) in 2009. As much as I wanted to make this experience the barometer by which I measured dating from now on, I had to be careful. Maybe this relationship unfolded so quickly and easily because of the time constraints and the distance. No matter what our feelings were for each other in the past, Kevin and I both knew going into things that there was an expiration date on our time together.

If Kevin lived in New York would he have been so direct? If I lived in California would I have made myself so available?

Who knows… and honestly, who cares? Being curled up with Kevin at 2:15am felt amazing. I kissed Kevin until he woke up. “I gotta go,” I said.

“Don’t, you should stay,” he said groggily.

I tried to get up, but he grabbed my hips and pulled me back. I let him hold me for a few more minutes. It was so nice.

“This is so nice,” he said.

I knew that if I didn’t get up at that moment, I would never leave, so I pulled myself together and let Kevin walk me to my car. I wanted to ask if we’d keep in touch, or how Kevin wanted to handle things but I didn’t. Ruining the moment with logistics just seemed silly. Even if Kevin and I never spoke again, I had a brand new perspective on relationships and what I deserved thanks to him, and that was more than enough.

We said goodbye as if neither of us realized I would be across the country in 48 hours. The only thing that gave us away was our final hug, which was kind of long. Then I think I said something like “see you later” before getting into my car and driving off.

When I pulled into my parents driveway I reached into my purse to check my messages and take my phone off of silent mode. I had two text messages. One was from my parents reminding me to set the alarm system when I got home. The other was from Robert:

Forget the California sunshine and come back to New York….

You might get mad at me for this one, but here goes….

I’ve been noticing a trend among the big girls that I see in New York City and its not good. Whether I’m on 125th, in Soho or navigating the sea of tourists on 34th street; lately, if I’ve seen a big girl her style catches my eye (and not in a good way).

These days when I see a group of girls, the big girl is the one who’s outfit is over the top. The abundance of piercings, extreme extensions, crazy hair dye, unflattering leggings in awful colors, offensive cleavage, color contacts… etc. is mind boggling!

Just so we’re clear, when it comes to this issue, I’m not sitting on my high-fashion-horse looking down. I’ve been that girl. I’ve died my hair, pierced my nose and while I love my boobies, I’m sure I’ve been a little over zealous in sharing them with the world. But ultimately, I realized that I was doing instant changes to my looks and ignoring the one change that I actually needed to spend time on, my weight.

I was in a bar bathroom about a year ago and there was an advertisement for a local gym next to the mirror. It said “Putting on Lipstick Wont Make You Thinner!” So many PSP’s are attempting to use external things to distract from their weight and it doesn’t work!

That piercing wont make you thinner!
Having hair extensions wont make you thinner!
Changing your eyes from brown to blue wont. make. you. thinner!

For the record, I think you can be fat and fabulous (duh!), you can be fat and fashionable (double duh). I’m talking to those of us who’ve become fat fashion victims. It’s like, instead of embracing trends and personal style we’re being overtaken by these things. Its an easy trap to fall into because it’s instant gratification. Hearing “you look cute today” feels good, especially if we feel like our weight keeps people from seeing us a certain way… but lets keep it all in perspective.

Because at the end of the day when we take out our piercings, fake hair and contacts… if we don’t feel comfortable in our own skin– it doesn’t matter.

Okay, I think I’m about to show how much of a nerd I am, but here goes…. Have any of you ever seen “The Mirror Has Two Faces” starring Barbara Streisand? I feel like any PSP on a weight loss journey should watch this movie at least once. Barbara plays this doubty woman who decides to change her look, lose weight etc. and once she gets all hot, the guy she’s been in love with FOREVER (played by Pierce Brosnan… ♥!) finally makes a move on her. While he has her on the couch, kissing her he says something like, “I think I was always in love with you, I just didn’t know it.” and then Barbara has this epiphany and basically realizes that if it took her losing weight, changing her hair and putting on makeup for this guy to fall for her… maybe he’s not the guy she wants.

Yeah. It’s amazing.

So there I was, curled up on the couch with Kevin having my own Mirror Has Two Faces moment. “This isn’t how I imagined it would be when we were in the eighth grade,” Kevin said in between kisses.

I felt my stomach tense up a little. “Is it better…? or wo–”

“No, no! This is way better,” he chimed in. “Back then I thought maybe we would hold hands or something.”

We laughed.

Growing up, I was taught by Jenny Jones, Ricky Lake and all those other talk shows that I was supposed to lose weight and then flaunt my new look to the guys from my past who weren’t interested in me before. Then those men would suddenly become attracted to me we’d live happily ever after, The End.

When I watched “The Mirror Has Two Faces” for the first time, I wondered if I could be like Barbara and walk away from the ultimate fantasy come true. But being on the couch having a high school style make out session with Kevin, I realized I didn’t have to, because… I hadn’t lost the weight! If anything I’ve gained weight since Junior High (as I’m sure most people have). Knowing that Kevin liked me as a chubby preteen and that he still liked me as a twentysomething PSP made the whole thing very sweet and comfortable.

It was close to 3am when I reluctantly untangled myself from Kevin and got up from the couch to head home. Kevin walked me to my car. “Do you want to play miniature golf sometime this week?” he said.

“Sure, that sounds fun.” I hugged him and got into my car. I was about halfway back to my parents house when Kevin sent me a text message:

Wow, I guess childhood dreams do come true….

He’s so cute!

The next morning I was doing cardio by walking around my parents neighborhood. As I replayed the events from the night before, a very vivid memory of Kevin and me from the 7th grade popped into my head…

As I’ve mentioned before, despite my weight, I was always a part of the “in crowd” at school. Our class was taking a 2 hour bus ride somewhere for a field trip and the “cool kids” (including yours truly) were sitting in the back of the bus. We were a frisky bunch of preteens and somehow we decided that the girls should give back massages to the boys. I wound up massaging Kevin which was exactly what I wanted and exactly what I was afraid of. I can remember kneading my hands slowly into his shoulders for a few minutes and then having the terrifying thought. “What if Kevin would rather be massaged by one of the other (skinny) girls?” I abruptly lifted my hands, muttered something about not wanting to give him a “boner” and then I curled up in my seat with my Walkman over my ears.

The young version of Celeste would get defensive and reject people before they could reject her. Unfortunately remnants of that behavior still lie within the adult version of me. Sometimes I mask it with expectations of extreme chivalry “if a man likes me, he will say so”, other times I hide behind my high standards. Being defensive is so much easier than taking risks. But what if risks are the key to getting what I want?

When I got back to my parents house I had a voicemail. It was Kevin.

“Hey CeCe, it was great seeing you last night. I’m having a few people over at my apartment tonight, you should come by. If you can’t that’s cool… maybe we can hang out another time. Call me.”

For me, getting out of New York City means getting away from men and dating but listening to Kevin’s message it looked like that wouldn’t be the case this trip. I called him back and let him know that I although I had dinner plans with my family, I would drop by his apartment afterwards if people were still around.

Later that evening as my family neared the end of our dinner, I sent Kevin a text message.

Should I still come by?

A few seconds later he replied,

Yes

It was close to 11 when I pulled up to Kevin’s place. As I got out of my car, I saw him coming down the steps.

“Hey,” he said giving me a hug.

“Hi there,” I smiled.

Kevin had an awkward look on his face, he took a deep breath. “So I should probably tell you that everyone just left…”

“Oh,” I didn’t know what to say.

“Yeah, my friends act like a bunch of old married couples. But you’re here! So… shall we?”

I felt cute in a new pair of jeans from Torrid and a blue argyle sweater but climbing the stairs to Kevin’s apartment with him behind me, I was so self conscious. With every step I could feel his eyes on me. I wanted to fidget with my clothes, but I forced my hands to stay still. Either he liked what he saw or he didn’t and me pulling my shirt down in the back wasn’t going to make a difference. He opened the door for me and after a brief tour of the apartment we made our way to the living room.

“Have a seat,” he said as he cleared the used wine glasses from his coffee table. There was an arm chair and a couch. The defensive Celeste would have made an executive decision and taken the arm chair, but I took a small risk and sat on the couch. I would give him the option of sitting next to me or not. A few minutes later, Kevin emerged from the kitchen juggling two wine glasses and two bottles.

“Red or White?” he asked.

“Red please.”

He poured the wine and took a seat next to me on the couch. The way Kevin was sitting (turned towards me with his arm extended across the back of the couch) created a little nook that was perfect for me to lean into, but I didn’t, I couldn’t, it was too risky. Instead we spent hours catching up, reminiscing and talking about the future. Kevin has always been sort of a goof, so we laughed a lot which was nice. Every once and a while, he would reach over and touch my leg or my hand and I would flirt back, messing his hair up etc. but inside I felt so tense. It was awful.

Was Kevin putting the moves on me? Was he just being nice? I needed to get out of my head and just stay in the moment.

Out of the blue Kevin brought up a teacher from the fourth grade who he loved and I absolutely hated. We began to trade stories and debate her good (and not so good) qualities. Maybe it was the wine, the laughter or a mix of both, but I felt myself truly relax. I don’t know how it happened but I found my way into the little nook that Kevin’s arm made. His arm closed around me as if he’d been waiting and we just kept talking and laughing as he played with my hair. After a while we just cuddled on the couch in silence.

“This is nice,” he said.

“It is…” I said smiling to myself.

“I guess it was sort of inevitable, we’ve been in love with each other since elementary school.”

I adjusted a little within my nook so that I could see his face. I wanted to make a joke, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.

He looked at me, I smiled… and then he kissed me.

Growing up, I went to a small K-8 elementary school in California. We were a very close group of kids and with the help of facebook a few of us do a decent job of keeping in touch as adults.

When I got off the plane from NY to CA, I had a facebook message from one of my childhood classmates.

Hey, I’m having a little reunion get together at my parents house. If you’re in town tomorrow, please stop by!

As someone who hasn’t even had a high school Reunion yet, I was completely caught off guard. I’ve always thought that by the time I got the the “reunion phase” of my life, I’d be super skinny. I imagined I’d be the one who walked into the room in a ridiculous form fitting dress and then people would scream “Oh My GOD! I didn’t even recognize you!!!”

Yeah… that definitely would not be the case.

The party started at 8pm and at 9:05 I had changed outfits three times and still didn’t have any makeup on. My phone started chiming with “where are you?” text messages, so I finally settled on a pair of jeans, a grey tank top, a burgundy cardigan (and some Spanx… lets not forget that). I ran the flat iron through my hair, did a quick cosmetics application and at 9:45 I was taking a deep breath and ringing the doorbell.

There’s something amazing about being with old friends. I was greeted with warm hugs from people who I have a strong history with and any thoughts of my weight quickly melted away. I placed my purse on the couch and headed to the kitchen for a glass of wine. As I turned the corner I almost collided with someone who was on their way out of the kitchen. I looked up and saw a tall man with curly red hair. There was only one person from my childhood who had curly red hair… Kevin Howard.

“Celeste?!”

“Kevin… hi!”

“Wow, how are you?” he said sweeping me up in a huge hug.

“I- I’m fine, thanks.” I felt my heart flutter which was a ridiculous yet familiar feeling.

When you know someone from age five to age thirteen, your views of them change drastically during that time. My early memories of Kevin are pretty hazy because he was a boy and I didn’t talk to boys. But when we hit puberty, things changed. Around the 6th grade, things felt different with Kevin than with the other boys in my class, but I couldn’t wrap my 11 year old head around what exactly it was that I felt. I can remember coming home with my little yearbook on the last day of school and being horrified when my Mother pointed out that there were hearts around my face and Kevin’s face in the class photo. I knew I hadn’t done it, which could only mean he had. I spent the whole summer looking at those hearts and wondering if Kevin liked me, but as a chubby girl I just didn’t think it was possible.

In 7th and 8th grade Kevin was a one of many boys that I spent my days flirting with at school and my nights chatting with on the phone. Things still felt different with him, but I wasn’t sure how to handle it. So I did what any logical 12 year old would do… I set him up to “go out” with my best friend and then sat around miserable as I watched them holding hands at lunch.

All of that came rushing back as we stood in the kitchen grinning at each other and catching up. Then I heard a voice from the living room, “WHERE’S CECE?” There was an entire party going on outside the kitchen but I was so caught up in my nostalgic flirt-fest that I’d forgotten.

“I guess we should mingle,” I said reluctantly.

“I guess so… after you,” Kevin gestured for me to lead the way.

Overall the party was a great time, it was awesome to catch up with everyone and get updates on kids, grad school, careers etc. At the end of the night, as I said goodbye to everyone Kevin offered to walk me to my car.

“How long are you in town?” he asked.

“Till New Years…”

“Cool, maybe we can do something while you’re here.”

“That would be awesome,” I replied.

We exchanged numbers, hugged again and then I pulled away in my car. As I drove home, my mind began to wander. I always second guess myself when it comes to men and their intentions. How many times have I sensed that a guy was interested in me, only to have nothing come of it? Would all of this be different if I were thin? Is that what’s been holding him back all these years?

Kevin could simply be looking to reconnect with an old friend, but there’s chemistry between us that hasn’t changed since junior high school and I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there.

Only time would tell….