This past Saturday I was standing on the corner of South and 4th streets in Philadelphia after seeing a fabulous concert with my sister. I felt comfy/cute in a cozy pink sweater, black mini-skirt and knee high suede boots. While attempting to hail a cab back to our hotel, a car full of people sailed past us and a voice cried “Heyyyyy Precious!” from the back window.

He was talking to me.

(If you don’t know who/what Precious is you can read up on the movie here and get images of the actress who plays Precious here).

In the spirit of everything that we talk about here on TBGB; loving ourselves, knowing that our weight doesn’t define us, etc. I’d love to say that I shrugged the comment off and went about my night, but my skin isn’t that thick yet, I’m still growing up. Being called “Precious” annoyed me to no end. A huge part of my annoyance was with myself for allowing the “Precious” comment to hurt me in the first place. Once I calmed down, I knew I had to process the insult from both directions. 1.) Why is calling a girl “Precious” proper ammunition for hurtful verbal assault? 2.) Why does being called “Precious” feel like hurtful verbal assault?

I find it interesting that people rarely refer to the actress who played Precious by her actual name, Gabourey Sidibe, instead they always call her “Precious”. Do we call Halle Berry “Catwoman”, “Monsters Ball”, or “B.A.P.S.”? No, we don’t. So why do we insist on calling Gabourey ”Precious”? and why do we insist on calling fat girls with dark skin Precious… it’s clearly a punchline for many people, but why?

I actually have a lot in common with Gabourey Sidibe, we’re both big girls with dark skin, we both enjoy acting/performing, we’re both New York based, we’re both a little quirky… so if you said “Hey Gabourey!” I could see the similarities and go about my day.

Being called Precious is something different- Precious is a tragic character on many levels and her weight/eating is an outward reflection of the characters deeper issues. On a more superficial level, for many people “Precious” is synonymous with “Big Black Girl with Dark skin”. Some people might think of being big with dark skin as a double negative (fat is considered an undesirable state for most people, and in the African-American community, having dark skin can also be seen as undesirable). So they hurl the “Precious” insult at girls like me to address those characteristics. Lucky for me, I love my chocolate complexion and I stopped shedding tears about my size a long time ago, so those things are not what hurt me.

The more I think about it, when I hear Precious my mind goes to that scene in the movie when she’s running down the street eating a huge bucket of fried chicken. I think that’s what I find insulting.

I frustrates me that no matter how dolled up I get, no matter how cute my clothes are, no matter how fierce my makeup is… some people will look at me and immediately see a big black girl running down the street eating a bucket of KFC.

I’m sure I’m not the first Plus Size Princess to be called “Precious” and the issues I’m raising will take more than one little blog post from me to be explored, but I just thought I’d mention what happened to me because I found all the dynamics around it pretty fascinating.

Feel free to offer comments in the section below… thoughts???

Hi CeCe,
I’m not a PSP but I have a friend who is, and she showed me your blog. You come of as very kind and beautiful person in your blog and even us skinnies can relate to a lot of the things you say in your posts. I really like your upbeat attitude.

I have a question: Are you and Robert of the same ethnicity? I’m Indian and I generally don’t date within my own ethnicity..like I’ve dated a lot of European guys, and you said in your blog that you don’t care about ethnicity either.

If you aren’t of the same ethnicity, are there complications that come up there? Just curious for your say on the topic.

Take Care,
DC

Hi DC,

I know there are some skinnies like you out there who read TBGB, I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to write to me! I love hearing from readers of all sizes, so this is great. To answer your question: Robert and I are both black, but as you know I am “down with the swirl” and have dated guys of all races. If there was a passport for dating, I’d have a stamp from every country by now….

In my experience, yes there are complications that come from interracial dating, but if you’re okay with doing a little extra work its nothing you can’t get through. As we discovered in the “Size & Race” series we’ve got going, race a complex topic, so I’m going to answer your questions in three parts: Public, Private and Family.

Public: In my experience, interracial dating will give you a rude awakening that people aren’t as liberal/progressive as we assume they are. Living in NYC, I thought that the diversity of this city and being in a diverse couple would go hand in hand. Not so much…

One of the first guys I dated in the city was a blond haired, blue eyed boy who could have stepped out of the pages of Tiger Beat. One night after a movie, we were standing on the train platform being all couply/cuddly. He had his jacket open and I had my arms around his waist inside of it as we waited for the train. We were cuddling in silence, when he whispered in my ear “everyone is staring at us”. I pulled away from him, and saw all of the middle-aged white upper west siders in the 72nd street station looking down their noses at us.

A few months later, we were riding the train in the Bronx. Our train car was empty and we sat together in the far corner, my legs draped over his (clearly we were a very touchy-feely duo). A group of subway workers finishing a shift got onto our train, they were all black. They gave us a once-over glance and then one of them broke away from the group, walked to where I was sitting with my boy and said to me “take your legs off of him, right now”. In my naiveté I thought it was a train safety concern, but the look of disdain on his and his coworkers faces quickly told me that they just didn’t want to see a brown girl like me cuddled up with a white boy.

Those were pretty extreme experiences, but even the day-to-day stares that we would get when we were together was enough to drive you crazy… if we let it.

When it comes to dating outside your race, my experience is that you both have to be each others advocates and protectors. You have to advocate and protect each other and yourselves as a couple because outside opinions from the public will come out and it wont always be pretty.

Even though race isn’t important to me, I understand that it’s an issue of importance in today’s world.

The awkward parts of interracial dating can put you and your boo in difficult spots from time to time, but it can also make you a super strong couple, because in some ways it’s the two of you against the world.

Next week, we’ll discuss the “Private” element of interracial dating.

Have any of YOU dated outside your race? Had any good/bad experiences?

Disclaimer: This is a subject I’ve wanted to write about for a while. I look forward to hearing your thoughts, but anything offensive or hateful will be deleted.

We’ve talked about how women of certain races are almost expected to be curvy/thick/bigger, but what if your ethnicity was expected to be tiny… and you weren’t. If I asked you to describe what an Asian woman looks like, what would you say? Words that would come to mind for me right away would be: small and petite. The words “small and petite” definitely do not come to mind for Plus Size Princesses, but there are plenty of Asian PSP’s in the world.

I don’t think we can continue our size & race discussion without talking about the experience of being Plus Size and Asian. I am not Asian, but I’ve heard people make ignorant comments like “I didn’t know Chinese people could get fat” and I’ve had conversations with some Asian TBGB readers about the pressure that comes from their family to lose weight.

We all know that being overweight can make you feel like the odd-girl out, but if people look at you and assume that you should be thin because of your background, it can make that feeling more intense.

As I thought about this subject, I reached out to Allison Teng from Curvy Girl Chic. Allison is one of the most adorable Plus Size Fashion bloggers around and… she’s Asian! I thought bringing her into the conversation would be a good way to hear from a PSP who understands more than I ever could!

Allison and I had a long email exchange and she was super open and honest, so I thought I’d just share our conversation with you… here goes!

CeCe: So, when it comes to being Asian and +size, what has your experience been?

Allison: Being plus size and Chinese/Taiwanese really wasn’t that tough when I was younger. I was just another fat kid, if that makes sense. Race didn’t really factor in. It wasn’t until I went back to Asia that it really hit me just how large I was compared to ALL the other people. EVERYONE in Asia is tiny (skinny and short!). Sales people don’t just ignore you like they do in the US. They STARE. So unnerving.

CeCe: Wowza! How about your family? Are they supportive of you? Do they pressure you to lose weight?

Allison: My family is AWESOME, and relative to other traditional Chinese families, extremely forward-thinking. Still, having them accept my size was kind of a growing process. I’m lucky though, that they’ve always focused on the health aspect of weight, rather than losing weight just to be skinny. I know they worry and nag because they care. And I can live with that. My extended family, on the other hand, is MUCH more traditional. I’m pretty sure I’m the largest person my grandfather has ever laid eyes on, and the last time I saw him in Taiwan, the first thing he was to me (in Mandarin) was “Wow! You got even fatter?!” …seriously. I’m pretty secure in myself, but that definitely threw me for a loop!

CeCe: LOL @ being the biggest person your grandfather has ever seen. Fat is such a different concept in other countries. I’m Nigerian and when we went back my cousins were like “you’re fat” this and “you’re fat” that… I’m like dying inside because americans don’t talk about weight so bluntly. They didn’t mean harm, to them its just the truth!

So, now for the juicy stuff lol! What’s your dating life been like?

Disclaimer: This is a subject I’ve wanted to write about for a while. I look forward to hearing your thoughts, but anything offensive or hateful will be deleted.

As I sat in the front row during New Jersey Full Figured Fashion Week in Atlantic City (which was awesome by the way), a beautiful black model was given a few minutes to speak in between shows. She talked about how she came to be a plus size model and embrace her body. “I used to be skinny,” she proclaimed “but as ya’ll know- in the Afro-American community… skinny is NOT where it’s at!” she continued to boast about her improved self confidence after gaining weight and encouraged the plus size women in the audience to embrace their curves.

While I agree 100% with what she had to say about self-love, I had to wonder about her cut and dry assessment that as a black woman, gaining weight was the best thing when it came to her dating life. In talking to different Plus Size Princesses, I’ve noticed that there’s a common assumption that if you’re black or latina, being overweight is a breeze. But if you’re white it’s a struggle.

Did any of you read the article in the Washington Post a few weeks ago about Black women being happier at a larger size? It took on this subject from a somewhat scientific perspective and came to the same conclusion; Black/latina women grow up being praised for “thickness” so they don’t have a hard time if they’re big.

My personal opinion is that no matter what race you are- the ideal body type is skinny/small/thin and while women of color may be praised for having fat in the “right places” (i.e. a big butt, full hips or large breasts) women of color are rarely praised for just being fat.

If I took a poll of 100 Plus Size Princesses of color who read this blog, I don’t think their dating lives would be any easier than white PSPs. I would be willing to bet that they’ve all been called names… been looked over by guys… been told to lose weight in order to become desirable. And I think it does Plus Size Princesses of color a disservice to just assume their plus size lives are any less complicated.

Perhaps culturally, plus size women of color have a better chance of embracing their bodies, but that’s not something you’re born with… loving yourself its something you work at no matter what your cultural background is. But again, those are my thoughts…

What do YOU think? Does your race make being a big girl… easier?

Disclaimer: This is a subject I’ve wanted to write about for a while. I look forward to hearing your thoughts, but anything offensive or hateful will be deleted.

“Overheard in New York” is one of my favorite blogs. As the name of the site implies, people submit snippets of conversation that they’ve overheard while being in NYC. Here is a post that I found the other day (excuse the language):

When I read this, my first thought was what on earth does race have to do with size? I wrote this guy off as a lunatic, until I began to think back to my days at the BBW clubs in NYC. More specifically at Goddesses. On any given night, it seemed that

-most of the Black men were giving attention to the big White women

-most of the White men gravitated towards the big Black and/or Latina women

-most the Latin men were more open, spending time with all the women (as long as they could dance).

Every time I was at Goddesses I would notice interracial couplings all over the dance floor. One night I was sitting at the bar with Paige and Reese, when a stunning Italian looking guy with perfect teeth walked in. Paige let out a deep sigh and said “Look at Danny, he’s so HOT… too bad he only dates Black girls.” A few minutes later a gorgeous Black man came into the club. He grabbed a drink and spent the rest of the night cozying up to the biggest woman at the party, who happened to be white.

I’m starting to wonder this is just coincidence, or if a lot of these men will only date Plus Size Princesses of a certain race. More specifically, a race outside of their own.

I have more thoughts but I know race can be a complicated subject, so I’m going to stop here and let you guys chime in.

Are you a White/Black/Latina/Asian PSP who feels like your race has an effect on your dating life? Do you find that men of a certain race hit on you more? When it comes to Plus Size Dating… does race matter?