Have You Ever Been Set-up/Hooked-Up by a Friend?

Filed Under: Dating

Remember last week when I was eavesdropping on the girls at the gym? After listening to her plan to have each one of her friends hook her up with one person, I realized… I’ve never been hooked up by a friend.

I’ve seen it happen plenty of times to other people, “you should meet my friend____”, “are you dating anyone right now? I have someone I want you to meet…”, “I’ve got a great guy for you!” These phrases are always offered so casually to my friends and co-workers but never in my years of dating has anyone ever had someone they thought should meet me.

You already know where I’m going with this- I can only assume its my weight.

My friends are loving and supportive, but I’m wondering if somewhere subconsciously I’m not viewed as “eligible” in the ways that my (skinny)friends are.

I’m not upset, I’ve just been pondering this. I’m also wondering if I would even want my friends to attempt to set me up?

As a reader mentioned in a Curvy Conversation a while back, anyone who attempts to hook up a Plus Size Princess has a duty to “disclose the fat”. They’ve got to do more than say we’re a “great girl” and describe our winning personality. They’ve got to make sure the guy knows exactly who he’s being set up with. It takes sensitivity and work. I’m not sure I’d want anyone tip-toeing around my looks with a stranger, so maybe it’s for the best that my friends haven’t attempted anything.

Have any of YOU ever been hooked up/set up by a friend? How did it go?

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Published on Monday, March 26, 2012
35 Comments
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  • Joey Javelona

    Last year I was set up by my best friend’s mom! Hahaha. He turned out to be a really great guy that didn’t mind my curves at all. We’ve been dating ever since.

    • Anonymous

      Awww… I like it!!!

  • Vanessa

    I’ve never been set up by a friend but have asked many times for my friends to hook me up. But, like you, it hasn’t happened and I can only associate it with my weight as I always get the ‘you’re such a great girl, you’ll find someone soon.’

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/OZLKZ53DGVNPGTK6H7X77LUFP4 Bosha Girl

      I hate when people say that too…you’ll find someone soon. ‘Just be patient good things come to those who wait’; ‘its not your turn yet’! Always hear the same words over and over

  • ShoeJunkie

    I agree with you and Venessa. I’ve always wanted to be set up-I mean who knows you better than friends and family? I’ve never thought about it having anything to to with my weight ..but since I was always bigger than everyone else, I do wonder about it now.

  • Mari Almeida

    Never. And I’m completely sure it’s cause of my weight. I mean, it’s not that I would like the idea of being set up, but sometimes it’s good for the ego to have someone thinking of you as a potential “setee”. lol

  • MD

    In my case, I KNOW it has to do with weight. I’m 6ft tall and a size 16 so I have that unfortunate double whammy. A couple of my girlfriends are really good about looking out for guys for me and they often say “I met this great guy that would be perfect for you but he likes skinny girls” or short girls. I have a lot of guy friends and one of my really good guy friends has said “I’m always looking for a good guy for you but it’s not easy”. He doesn’t mean that in the “I’m looking for THE guy for you” sense, he means it in the “not many guys like tall chubby girls” sense. My father has also told me that I’m not going to find anyone while I’m in my 20′s because men are still stupid and shallow in their 20′s. He has followed that up with “You’ll soon find out that a lot more guys will be interested in your when they are in their 30′s because they will want more than looks”. All I heard with that one was “you’ll find someone a couple of years from now when guys grow up and lower their standards”.

    • Anonymous

      Hey MD,

      I refuse to accept the “lower their standards” part and you should refuse it too. I’m 5’10 and bigger than you. I totally understand what you’re going through. All I can say is at your height and size, by some standards you’ve got the goods of a Plus Size Model- hold yourself like one and the right guy will be drawn to that. I swore I wouldn’t find someone until I lost 100 pounds, but I’ve got a pretty sweet deal with Robert and I’m waaaaay far away from the 100 pound mark.

    • Lisa

      OMG I find that horrible for anyone to say that to someone! You will meet someone when the guys lower there standards. I can’t belive a father would say such a horrible thing to his own daughter.

      • C Rowley

        I don’t see it as her father saying that men have lowered their standards. I read it as in their 30s men are beginning to finally grow up and aren’t as shallow believing that only skinny-minnies can do it for them. As they mature they start to realize that happiness, satisfaction and beauty comes in any size. That’s what I’m understanding what her father meant.

  • Memphis own Shining Star

    Crazy thing, I have never been set up by any of my friends but I have set all of them up with someone and they are all curvy divas. I really just always said it was more of the guys they meet are usually the ones that they are interested in or the guys is interested in them. In my area, for a cury diva to meet a guy that has great potential is becoming very rare.

  • Lexi

    Most definitely not, and I’m pretty sure I can attribute that to one thing, ha. So it goes…sigh

  • Amanda Berrios

    Wow…same thing happens to me…NEVER been hooked up…and I also always thought that same thing…I have asked them and they swear it’s not cause I’m a PSP but I know they’re lying…

  • http://www.mirabilisfashions.com/ Karen

    *runs away screaming

    Count your blessings. If the guy was so great they would want him for themselves.

    • Anonymous

      LOL!

  • Dena Upton

    Never been set up haha… Boooo… I’ve had friends say they were going to but I don’t think they actually had anyone in mind haha.

    • Anonymous

      The fake hook-up is even more annoying than no hook up at all! hahaha

  • Vanessa

    Lol the only friend that ever hook me up (and would do it again) was a curvy one. It didn’t work though.
    I actually find it kind of offensive, even if I don’t resent my friends for that. If a girl is skinny, no one will feel the need to mention it. They will be talking about her great personnality, beautiful eyes, etc. If a girl is fat, they will definitely feel an urge to mention it in your description, even if they’re just talking about you to someone and not trying to hook you up. I would definitely want people to ‘disclose the fat’ to avoid bad surprises, but I am a bit sick of fat defining me lol.

    • Anonymous

      Agreed!

  • http://twitter.com/mrh1921 Jackie Gillespie

    I was set up once and it was done the right way. A friend of ours made sure we “accidentally” met at his place one night. If it was meant to be, it would be. We dated for about three months before someone skinnier came along. (I wish I was kidding)

    You’re right though, there seems to be a lot of drama surrounding setting up a PSP. People feel like they have to disclose her size like you would have to say, “oh, by the way, she’s got a third leg.”

    • Anonymous

      augh @ “someone skinnier”
      Sounds like your friend did things perfectly, it was a male friend too? I’m impressed! :-)

  • http://www.molivinlarge.typepad.com/ Molivinlarge

    I’ve never been set up by a friend. I was however set up with a friend of a waiter I once knew. It didn’t work out though for a variety of reasons.

  • Jen Zion

    Set ups are nerve racking as it is. I would want all the information out there. Full descriptions. Pictures. Maybe even Facebook. The one time I was set up, I was surprised how SHORT the guy was, shorter than me (and I’m 5’2”).

  • http://singlikesassy.blogspot.com SingLikeSassy

    I’ve been set up a couple of times. Didn’t work out (no chemistry), but I’m still friendly with some of the guys. I do set ups if I know good people who might work as a couple. I hate it, though, when you mention you have a friend they might like and people immediately ask “what does he/she look like.” Usually when I am set up, I want to know what my friend thinks is so special about this guy that I might like him. I want to know the intangibles. I can SEE what he looks like when I meet him. Is he kind? Smart? Generous? Funny? Why do you think he and I might be a good fit romantically?

  • JenniferA

    Years ago, a coworker told me that her boyfriend’s roommate and I would be great together. So she set up a dinner out with him and a bunch of people from work were supposed to go too. I had plans with my best friend that night, so she tagged along with me. Thank God she did, because the only people that showed up were the coworker, her boyfriend and the roommate. And the guy was such a weirdo! And not my type at all. He was obnoxious and offensive and down right rude. I couldn’t believe this girl thought this guy and I would be good together. I wondered what she thought of me. I am so glad my best friend was there so we could say we had to leave early for other plans. We laughed for weeks about that night.

  • Angel73MTL

    I read your post and found myself ummm hummm and SMH vigurously. Years ago my very good friend decided I should be set up w/ her co-worker. Let me metion that she works at a gym as a fitness instructor…ohhhhhhhh, said the crowed.
    I mentioned to her, did you mention I was not an avid gym goer and due to my gym averson I was overweight? She reassured me that she had mentioned I had “junk in my trunk”. Now, in my opinion, junk in the trunk is someone like ….J-Lo circa In Living Color. I will tell you I do not look like J-Lo even in my “bestest jeans”. I was leery to say the least, gym instructor, in the area that I live in…ONLY date certain woman. Am I generalizing? Yes, with just cause.
    Long story short, we chit chat and agree to meet without exchanging numbers. I’m in my finest attire, looking yummy waiting, he’s 10 min late. He comes literally running in his I’m a trainer see me roar gear, track pants and all. Hello’s are exchanged and he proceeds to tell me…”I couldn’t reach you since we didn’t exchange numbers, I had a customer call to say she wanted a last minute training session, and it’s in 20 minutes. I’m so sorry, really. I’ll call you and we can reschedule.”. Kiss, kiss, hug, hug.
    There I stand, embarrassed and pissed. Let me add that he was gorgeous, tall, dark and handsome and totally fit. He never called and never said anything to my gf. Months later another friend asked him what happened and he said “she wasn’t my type”. I don’t know what his type is but I do know what type he didn’t like….the plus size ones. I’m not blamming him, he has his preferences and lets be honest if you can’t swim you might not want to date the captain of the My Fair Lady.

    Friends have the responsibility of full disclosure when trying to do the blind date thing. If you can send pictures…great. You have to describe your friend physically without the emotional attachment. Sure your friends know you are amazing, funny, cute, loving etc. The men want to know different things. Accurately describe your friend, she’s tall, short, wears glasses, needs to loose 80lbs..you know. gaawwwwd.

    I’m all better now ….although I REFUSE to go on any blind dates. :)

  • Albamaria_9

    I was set up bymy friend and I ended up having a 3 1/2 year relationship with the guy…. Is happened often enough but it is a sentive issue.

  • regrache

    my best friends never set me up with anyone unless they were approached about me specifically…however co-workers have tried setting me up with potentials throughout the years. #makesmethink

  • Jen

    OMG! I just found your blog and I love it! It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone as a plus sized woman. I am 5″7′ and sized 16 in a family of women 5″2′ on average and nuthin over a siz 6. I feel a sense of familiarity on the idea of people feeling the need to mention my size. They also feel the need to preface it with the ideas that I’m a great person and really smart and funny. I feel like “cause being big might not make that so, so you need to stress it” As though I am lacking for being big but hey…I make up for it in other ways. Ohhh…being a big red headed girl in a skinny blonde family has put my therapist’s kids through ivy league schools. That’s for damned sure.

  • fabfrochick

    i was NEVER hookd up by a friend….i always ask my friends boyfriends to do it but no chance. i always assumed it was my weight…i have a career, funny gal, money saver, but still no chance

  • Whtawhit

    In the past I’ve turned down offers to be set up, then I finally caved to a coworker who had been after me for months about meeting her cousin. I accepted his Facebook friend request so we could see each others pictures. Then he called and I realized almost immediately that we were not compatible. He seemed like a nice enough guy, just not for me. It really made me wonder why my coworker was so convinced we’d hit it off. We never spoke again, and I later discovered via Facebook that he was dating someone else. She was a PSP, so I don’t think my size was a factor. For the record, I am 5’7″/size 20.

  • priyanka chowdhury

    Come to think of it, even I have never ever been set up by my friends, despite being single for a considerable amount of time in my life. While, I am dating now, when I was single when very close friends would always complain about how I didn’t have a boyfriend and they couldn’t hang out with me or go on double dates with me. Although, they kept complaining, they have never set me up. Like you, I wonder if it is the weight and that they couldn’t get around to say that to guys. But, it also made me think if they cared enough to actually set me up by looking for a suitable guy. hmmmmm! What do you think, CeCe?

  • http://thebelatedbloomer.blogspot.com/ BelatedBloomer

    Yes, when being set up for a potential date…the friend must “disclose the fat” and I find that awkward but necessary. I’ve been set up ONCE and I’ve been avoiding a second time ever since. So I guess you can count yourself lucky! :)

    -Belated Bloomer
    http://belatedbloomer.blogspot.com

  • Winter_girl82

    Never been set up, totally comes down to the weight. My mother even said (not to me) I don’t know how he would react to her, why? Becuase she’s nigger? Yes. Sucks that your own Mum doesn’t think your good enough, what hope do you have then.

    • Itsmisscrystal2u

      Re-read what you wrote! LOL

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Hi, I'm CeCe! My New York City adventures as a Plus Size Princess are chronicled on this blog. Enjoy! xoxo [More]

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