Filed Under: Dating
“I’m just… ready!” a quirky brunette said to her red-head friend.
It was 6:15 and we were all rushing to get dressed for our 6:30 kickboxing class at the gym. While I peeled off my work clothes, I tuned in as the girl and her friend continued chatting.
“I’ve been single for too long, I’m ready to start dating and get married!”
“Have you tried Match.com? That’s where I met Steve…”
“No, I don’t want to do the internet thing, I’ve actually emailed all my friends to ask them to set me up with one guy that they know. I figure, if all of my friends do that– I’ll go on at least 21 dates. In 21 dates I’m sure to find him!”
“Honestly, I just have this feeling that whoever my future husband is… I wont meet him online. In my heart I feel like one of my friends know him… like he’s already a part of my circle but I just haven’t met him for some reason!”
Eavesdropping listening to that conversation made me cringe a little. There are plenty of books and blogs dedicated to “My Future Husband” but as I read them and listen to single girls (like the one at my gym), I can’t help but wonder if we’re taking the “Future Husband” thing to another level.
Personifying Mr. Future Husband can be dangerous. Making Mr. Future Husband this mythical person that we write to and make lists about can become tricky… I know from experience.
When I first moved to NYC, every chance encounter with a man had me wondering if he was The One. I would memorize every detail of my initial interactions with members of the opposite sex, just in case I needed to recant them in a “how we met” story. None of these chance encounters turned out to be anything more than… chance encounters.
I was constantly wondering about my future husband. But soon wondering turned into envisioning… and there’s a big difference between the two. Wondering still leaves room for reality, envisioning does not. Soon I was painting a picture of this perfect man with all of the qualities that I thought were necessary. Once I had a picture of “him” in my mind, I found myself actually looking for “him”.
Before I knew it, I stopped being open to all the men that crossed my path. I would rule out men that did not look like “him”, act like “him” or work the type of job “he” would work. I had no idea that I had created a man so perfect that he didn’t exist. Instead of interacting with the real men in New York City, I spent my time chasing a Unicorn named “My Future Husband”.
I’m not sure when I stopped chasing unicorns, but I did. Maybe it was when I realized that my lofty expectations were making it impossible for me to date. Maybe it was when I realized that unicorn hunting made me look just a little bit desperate and guys could sense it from a mile away. Maybe it was when I realized that none of the guys I was interested in over the course of my life were as perfect as the future husband I’d created in my head.
Anyway, I stopped envisioning “him” and instead focused on my three non-negotiables: Tall, Smart and Christian… and over time “tall” was modified to “taller than me” because I’d hate to miss out on a great guy because he’s 5’11 and not 6’1.
I wanted to share all of this with the girl at the gym, but she didn’t ask my opinion, so I’m sharing it with you instead!
Do any of you write to/think about/envision your future husbands? Married ladies, is your husband what you imagined?
Chime in below!