regular guy

Meanwhile babe, that email is spooky…

I am so glad you wrote this! I am the exact same way. I joined one of the niche sites (I hate niche sites by the way). And I received messages from one of two kinds of guys. The kind that wanted to date me just because I am a thicker girl or the kind that have no self esteem and think because I am a bigger girl that clearly I will date them. Either way it was annoying. I just want to be treated like a woman and I want a guy to adore me for me. And personally a guy that dates a woman because she is big is just as annoying as a guy who dates a woman just because she has a hot body.

Hey doll! You know - the RIGHT guy is going to like the ENTIRE package. The personality, the curves, the boobs, the mind - everything. And if that were easy to find we'd all be coupled and blissful long long ago. Hang in there! You'll find it. I promise.

I love your blog..My husband had never dated a big girl before me. The sword cuts both ways. I assume naturally since he was interested in me that he had dated big girls before but I was wrong. We've been married for 2 years, dated for only a year, before him I joined a few sites, I was never really successful on them, Men for some reason think that big girls have low standards.

I'm dating a guy who just ended a relationship with a girl who is 5'2" and 105 lbs. I'm 5'8" and, uh, not 105 lbs. I definitely definitely prefer guys who date the spectrum. The really see the value in individual women and can appreciate them in a way others cannot. I've had experience with "chubby-chasers" and, like you, felt violated and like the object of a fetish.

I have to say, though, I'd NEVER date someone who liked me "in spite" of my size. I'm not sure if that is really what you meant or if you just meant someone who is attracted to you but not just due to your weight/size/curves. I would never date someone who wasn't attracted to something so fundamental to who I've become and how I live my life.

By the way, your blog inspired me to get one of my own going. If you're not too busy I'm at songsoftherubaiyat.blogspot.com!

Loved the post. I think a "regular guy" is what we're all looking for. I've dated (briefly) men who liked some "thing" about me, only to end the relationship abruptly when I realized that the "thing" was ALL they liked. There's something so all encompassingly wonderful about having someone in your life who likes/loves "you".

The right guy will not care. I'm not blowing smoke up your arse or mine. I am living proof that the right guy will not care. He will love you for you. In his words, "You're more than just one thing, you're everything." We are not reduced to our size unless we do it to ourselves. Same goes for any other discriminatory aspect…height, glasses, hair color, breast size, color of our skin…nobody puts YOU in a corner!

I always prefer the regular guy who just happens to find himself attracted to me over the guy who is, ultimately, a fetishist. I want the guy who mentions the color of my eyes and my love of the cartoon Daria before he even considers the shape of my belly.

That guy sounded… gross. But I also have a thing where if someone can't be bothered to spell-check, I assume they can't be bothered to open doors for me, call on time or shower. I realize that assumes a lot over what might be merely a klutzy typist, but half of dating to me involves filtering.

Loneliness is a prey among the need of the heart. It’s amazing after reading this that I could want to slap and hug myself at the same time! Disgusted that I would leave myself out there on that cold ledge just because some how I won an argument with myself that some sort of creepy attention albeit any attention is what gets me through my “dry” times and lonely nights. That I am so malnourished on wanting affection so bad I go against the grain of who I really am. FRACK!! its what makes those nights I got gussied up worth something and I absolutely hate it. I hate that the attention of someone who im really not interested in made my night a success! and to top it off it becomes the highlight because i want the male gender to be a part of my “stories with the girls” too. This is like a morality war with myself. After reading this its like “hey I know this isn’t really what I want”, but is it worth it to get dressed up knowing that your doing it because you hope you catch someones eye the way you’ve always wanted? or just to ” go out and just have fun with no mission involved” cause it could be worse, I/we could be sitting at home alone or I could be out at a bar or where ever meeting new people and at least “WE” ( bbw, psp’s or whatever ) are not wasting our great personalities with a PCD (personal computer creeper ) but at the end of the night when it all boils down.. we walk out the bar alone to our car with our head held high and our strut in check because we don’t want anyone to know just how freaking lonely and bust tonight really was! Seriously you just brought everything to the forefront if not holding back for fear of downplaying the “crying game shower” we all feel like we need after putting on a facade of having the greatest time EVAR….. but obviously not. I will say this sometimes the creepers are the grenades and i’m not gonna lie after saying all that i’ll use them to get what i need to a point.. If we didn’t we’d have no idea how to be socially interactive if it wasn’t at least with the wrong men. =)

My only question is this: Why is being a “regular guy” exclusive from being a “chubby chaser”? Why can’t someone be both? I think the objectification that big women experience in settings that are designed to highlight them (BBW events and websites, for example) is the same objectification that smaller women feel when going out to any bar or setting usually associated with searching for a mate. At the end of the day a mature man who is comfortable with himself is going to approach you with respect and class regardless of his preference in women. I apologize if this comes off as attacking you in any way, I really enjoy your blog and have read it for quite some time.

As I was reading this article and the comments that followed I tried to type myself between a guy who likes girls because of their size or a guy who likes girls in spite of their size. I have been in relationships with women of all sizes, ranging from 115lbs to “none of your F#@%ing business,” with my current falling in the latter, but was physically attracted to all of them. That being said, more often than not I find that it’s the “plus-size” ladies that catch my eye. I put quotes around plus size because none of the words I came up with seemed right, instead I’ll add a disclaimer of sorts. The women I refer to as “plus-size,” I just consider attractive but am forced put in a word that lets anyone reading know that those women were larger than the “ideal woman.” Again with the quotes… Back to the point, however, I can’t put myself in the “in spite of” category as it seems I am drawn to that particular body type but I don’t identify with the “because of” either.

I think that the word “like” is the issue here. The words “like”, “attracted”, and “love” are all different. I LIKE my girlfriend because she’s a fun, sometimes silly person that I enjoy being around. I am ATTRACTED to my girlfriend because (we’re all adults here so I won’t candy coat this, much) she is gorgeous with large breasts, a back side that won’t quit, and all that looks fantastic in this tiny, blue two piece that she vowed never to wear in public… Never. I LOVE my girlfriend because she is sweet and kind, always there for me no matter what happens or how bad I screw up, and all else aside, because she’s my best friend. All of these facets make the whole of our relationship, and she feels the same, even if I don’t look as good in that little swim suit as she does… and she does. Like and love aside, I can definitively say that I am physically attracted to her body, so maybe what has me worried here is the thought that I may be a member of Team Fetish.

I guess I see most of the signs. I am attracted to larger women; chest, butt, hips, curves, etc. I find the girls that I’m attracted to very enticing in tight, revealing attire and I do like playing a bit of “David Cop-a-feel” with girls I’m intimate with. However, I don’t think this indicates a fetish, guys who prefer skinny girls are no different. They are attracted to certain women in the same way but by different features. For instance, I’ve heard friends mention that they find visible bone structure (collar bones, ribs, hip bones, etc) attractive. The same guys talked at great length about seeing these slim gals in revealing outfits that were so tight they looked painted on, and these fellows could not wait to get the green light for a game of “guess where my hand is going next.” So, why do I feel the need to justify my attractions to myself and others?

Until a decade after I started dating I hadn’t given a second thought about why I was attracted to one girl over another (besides “pretty” and “has boobs”). Then something was brought to my attention a number of years back by a female roommate of mine after we had stumbled into strictly physical relationship. She was surprised that I found her body as attractive as I did and went as far as to suggest that I was sleeping with her out of pity or boredom. The ensuing conversation ended with her saying “you like your girls thick… never would have guessed you were a chubby chaser.”

That concept of being a “chubby chaser” stuck with me for quite a while but similar to the author’s statement, “fat is what I am, but not who I am,” I no longer consider “chubby chaser” as a description of who I am. It’s just the case that I am attracted to “larger girls.” I don’t see them as larger; to me, that is just what an attractive woman looks like. It was only after I gave myself the sub-title “chubby chaser” that any of this concerned me. After I ditched the idea that my physical attraction to certain women was different (to the point that it needed to be named) I felt more at ease, although I still use the term from time to time to avoid a long conversation with some one asking way too many questions about my personal life after seeing me with my girlfriend.

The bigger issue that I see here is how men are treating women. Lets take the author’s experience:

“I was excited to put my ‘winning personality’ on the shelf and let my body draw men in, and it worked. My low cut tops and curve hugging jeans were appreciated in full at these establishments. My tummy, hips, curves and rolls weren’t avoided, they were touched and appreciated.

But instead of feeling celebrated, I felt violated.
…
Most of these men were in the fetish zone; attracted to my fat and uninterested in who CeCe was. I had spent my whole life wondering what it felt like to have someone want me for my body (like the skinny girls do) and when it finally happened, I hated it.

I wanted my “winning personality” to matter. I wanted to be more than a huge pair of boobs and a soft belly.”

That type of behavior should be offensive to any woman, no matter what her body type is. Those men were acting like juveniles; groping women like they were shopping for a good steak. This is, regrettably, the personality that will be the most predominant at a “BBW Party.” But the same goes for any gathering that showcases females who share a trait found sexually attractive to a group of males. Of that group, the ones more likely to attend are the ones who are more interested in the physical features of a person than the actual person they are talking with. Some may seek out this level of interaction but few, if any, healthy relationships will come from it.

This doesn’t mean the bigger ladies should start seeking men who will put up with their “bigness,” who will agree to tolerate their size. The bar should never be set that low. You owe it to yourself to at least try to find love in a healthy relationship with some one who is attracted to everything about you, body included.

P.S. Like is one thing, but when love happens to find you, at it’s very least, it will be regardless of your size, not in spite of.

Girl you have to go to a doctor you have just complexes…you don’t have a parefect body a you just want a perfect boy…the mmen apreciate you and you fill violate?You really suck

I’m catching up on all u post. I recently had this discussion with my sister. I have been told by so many guys that they “love big girls because we r sexy” and their “fantasy is to be with a big girl”. That’s when I shout off and just nod. I’m not a fantasy, I a women like the next women.

It would be perfect if you could find someone you loved both for and in spite of. It seems to me that most men who want a bbw do nto have their best interest at heart.