Last week a reader wrote in asking about my experiences with interracial dating. I’m chopping this up into three pieces and Part Two is the private aspect of interracial dating.

Race isn’t a big deal to me, if I am attracted to a guy, I’ll give him a chance. At the same time I also try not to be ignorant to the fact that race a big deal to other people. As I mentioned in Interracial Dating (Part One) my experience is that you both have to be each others advocates and protectors. You have to advocate and protect each other and yourselves as a couple because outside opinions from the public will come out and it wont always be pretty.

For me, the private work that makes interracial relationships work is constantly having conversations about things the other person will never 100% understand.

Lets take things out of the context of race for a second: Can you imagine trying to sit down and explain to your boyfriend what its like to be a woman? I mean, we’re raised and conditioned based on our gender, so its second nature to us, right? We just accept the ups and downs that life throws to a woman and we navigate accordingly, but could we actually articulate to a man exactly what its like? Sure, we could offer a few stories and share our feelings with men, but I don’t think a man would walk away truly “getting it”. (and we sure can’t understand what it like being a guy which we spend so much time and money on books trying to understand the opposite sex!)

A big part of advocating for each other comes from learning and communicating about what its like to be who you are. Obviously this is easier said than done. From privilege to prejudice, race has an undeniable effect on our lives. The more we work to understand even a tiny bit of what our partner experiences, the easier it is to be that public champion for each other when things get awkward (or downright rude) as I mentioned last week. These types of conversations can be intense, but they can also be beautiful and build intimacy. Again, this is one of the reasons that I feel like interracial couples have a chance to build a really strong connection. But these types of discussions aren’t limited to interracial relationships.

Right now, I’d say I’m dating inter-culturally because I am Nigerian and Robert is Jamaican. Yes, we’re both black and in many ways were brought up the same way, but… in some ways our backgrounds are very different. There are things about Jamaican culture that I don’t sit well with me and as Robert and I move forward conversations are required. Do we get it right in one sitting? No. But we talk about it and work to gain understanding.

In the end, diversity in your love life can be an awesome thing as long as you communicate and don’t shy away from hard conversations… you just might learn something.

How do YOU deal with diverse relationships (race, ethnicity, religion, etc)? Are there any specific questions/conversations that help you gain understanding?

P.S. My next FREE event is coming up on 10/27 “Cardio & Curvy Conversations” is going to be a great time, with my favorite trainer from New York Sports Club. Register here!

There’s a new auction company launching called Auctionopia.com for anyone looking for an alternative to ebay. This site is attracting a lot of interest from big brands and small business sellers alike. What makes Auctionopia different is that it offers real-time negotiation (via IM) between buyers and sellers.

If you want to modify the terms of your bid by using a coupon, asking for a lower price, getting free shipping, etc., you can do all of that during the transaction. Also, there are zero required fees for sellers, which means more money in your pocket. From what I understand, they are currently developing a payment system (like Paypal) that will have lower fees than any other of it’s kind. So all in all, it should be a real money saver and create a greater shopping experience if you’re looking for a new way to bid on your favorite items.

Do you follow “PlusSizePrincess” on Instagram? If you don’t, here’s what you missed:

First of all I’m having the best time transitioning my Foxcroft Denim Shirt into the fall. I came up with two new ways to rock it one look was for dinner, the other for brunch.

(skirt: Rachel Pally, Leather moto jacket: Avenue, Infinity scarf: H&M, Mini skirt: Rainbow)

Lets see… what else?

I was on Huffington post Live (twice!) you can see the first segment here.

Two of the post talented people I know are producing a play, so I went to support them and help raise money… you can learn about their production of Dog Opera here and get tix here.

I had a cute girls dinner in Harlem with Kellie from fatshioninsider, Nadia Abhoulson, and Beck from Manfattan and a few other bloggers.

I also got to spend some time with Luvvie and +size designer Monif C. at the Focus100 symposium. There are women of color doing amazing things in technology, don’t sleep!

Have a good weekend!

xoxo

Going to the gym in sweats and a big T-shirt is against my religion.

When a Plus Size Princess hits the gym we should look cute if we want to! Of course, most of the popular activewear lines don’t go into plus sizes so it takes a little work, but I’ve found some great options for workout gear that is fun, functional and affordable. So for those of you who have been asking, here are the brands that help me workout in style.

I usually go to the gym looking like this:

Shoes:

A few summers ago I made the brilliant decision to walk the entire length of central park wearing flip flops (that’s like walking 51 blocks barefoot). The next day I could barely walk! My podiatrist suggested I get a pair of New Balance sneakers to give my feet some stability after the trauma I’d put my feet through. I got my first pair and have never looked back, I wear an 11W shoe and was able to score a pair of New Balance 860′s with pink accents. I’ve worn them walking, hiking and in class at the gym and they feel great while giving me extra support in my arch and a nice bouncy feeling in the heel.

Jacket:

I also found out that New Balance has jackets up to a size 2X. This Gazelle jacket that I’m wearing here is great for when I’m working out in the park. It has a little zip up pocket for your iPhone so that you can listen to music without an armband or worrying that it will fall out of your side pocket (that’s happened to me before, augh). It also has reflectors if you happen to exercise at night, as you can see my camera flash was bouncing off of it.

Leggings:

I workout in leggings from Just My Size, you can order them online or pick them up at walmart. They fit high on my waist so I dont have to worry about them slipping down and they last long (even through the extra “chub rub” that comes from working out).

Tshirt:

I get soft Vneck shirts from Old Navy in lots of fun colors, again I buy them in a XXL and they fit me fine.

Sports Bra:

I keep it simple these days with Champion Sports Bras. I’m a DDD and I find that their 2XL sizes support me well. I picked mine up at a Mom and Pop store here in Harlem, but you can grab yours from Amazon.

I also got the BEST water bottle from amazon. Camelbak lets you sip water without tipping the bottle, you just bite on the valve and the water comes out easily, which I love when I’m on the elliptical. It helps me not have to stop in order to hydrate. Of course, I got mine in pink but there are lots of colors to choose from.

So, that’s the breakdown of what I wear to the gym. I’m comfortable in it and I feel good wearing it which makes me want to go to the gym even more… sometimes its the little things that motivate you. To be honest, finding out that I could rock New Balance gear was the most exciting thing for me… because it’s a mainstream brand, I totally assumed I wouldn’t be able to wear their workout clothes but I was wrong!

What do YOU wear to the gym?

In a recent interview, David Karp, CEO of Tumblr stated that he believed that this creativity was New York’s best asset and the number of tech start-ups in the city certainly gives credence to this statement. Karp added that about 50 of Tumblr’s staff have specifically moved to ‘The Big Apple’ due to the opportunities that the city offers.

New York can offer the young entrepreneur a whole range of networking associations and opportunities. The NY Entrepreneurs Business Network (NYEBN) is a rapidly expanding network that operates throughout the tri-state area. The association currently has 12,000 members and that membership is constantly growing, these types of organizations give like-minded individuals the opportunity to network and socialize and the November NY Business Expo is just one example of the numerous B2B opportunities that are available to young entrepreneurs to both showcase their products and learn from successful mentors. The Expo’s organizers state that 70% of those attending will be from New York itself. This type of show doesn’t just focus on the IT sector; media, retail and even not-for profit startups will all be attending the Armory Exhibition.

Many of those who are gifted in the fields of creativity and IT aren’t necessarily linked into the financial community. New York offers opportunities for entrepreneurs to connect with venture capitalists, bankers and fund managers. Figures published by Reuters in Spring 2012 show that funds raised for business by venture capital funds reached $4.9 billion for this period. Those businesses that want to concentrate on their product development and networking opportunities will also find that using the services of an umbrella company can take away the drudgery of form filling and accounts and allow them to get on and develop their companies.

For a city that specializes in superlatives, New York can add another title to its impressive list, the city can be called ‘the heart of the creative world’.

Hi CeCe,
I’m not a PSP but I have a friend who is, and she showed me your blog. You come of as very kind and beautiful person in your blog and even us skinnies can relate to a lot of the things you say in your posts. I really like your upbeat attitude.

I have a question: Are you and Robert of the same ethnicity? I’m Indian and I generally don’t date within my own ethnicity..like I’ve dated a lot of European guys, and you said in your blog that you don’t care about ethnicity either.

If you aren’t of the same ethnicity, are there complications that come up there? Just curious for your say on the topic.

Take Care,
DC

Hi DC,

I know there are some skinnies like you out there who read TBGB, I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to write to me! I love hearing from readers of all sizes, so this is great. To answer your question: Robert and I are both black, but as you know I am “down with the swirl” and have dated guys of all races. If there was a passport for dating, I’d have a stamp from every country by now….

In my experience, yes there are complications that come from interracial dating, but if you’re okay with doing a little extra work its nothing you can’t get through. As we discovered in the “Size & Race” series we’ve got going, race a complex topic, so I’m going to answer your questions in three parts: Public, Private and Family.

Public: In my experience, interracial dating will give you a rude awakening that people aren’t as liberal/progressive as we assume they are. Living in NYC, I thought that the diversity of this city and being in a diverse couple would go hand in hand. Not so much…

One of the first guys I dated in the city was a blond haired, blue eyed boy who could have stepped out of the pages of Tiger Beat. One night after a movie, we were standing on the train platform being all couply/cuddly. He had his jacket open and I had my arms around his waist inside of it as we waited for the train. We were cuddling in silence, when he whispered in my ear “everyone is staring at us”. I pulled away from him, and saw all of the middle-aged white upper west siders in the 72nd street station looking down their noses at us.

A few months later, we were riding the train in the Bronx. Our train car was empty and we sat together in the far corner, my legs draped over his (clearly we were a very touchy-feely duo). A group of subway workers finishing a shift got onto our train, they were all black. They gave us a once-over glance and then one of them broke away from the group, walked to where I was sitting with my boy and said to me “take your legs off of him, right now”. In my naiveté I thought it was a train safety concern, but the look of disdain on his and his coworkers faces quickly told me that they just didn’t want to see a brown girl like me cuddled up with a white boy.

Those were pretty extreme experiences, but even the day-to-day stares that we would get when we were together was enough to drive you crazy… if we let it.

When it comes to dating outside your race, my experience is that you both have to be each others advocates and protectors. You have to advocate and protect each other and yourselves as a couple because outside opinions from the public will come out and it wont always be pretty.

Even though race isn’t important to me, I understand that it’s an issue of importance in today’s world.

The awkward parts of interracial dating can put you and your boo in difficult spots from time to time, but it can also make you a super strong couple, because in some ways it’s the two of you against the world.

Next week, we’ll discuss the “Private” element of interracial dating.

Have any of YOU dated outside your race? Had any good/bad experiences?

On Saturday, I hosted “Love Songs & Curvy Conversations” at Lenox Coffee. It was my first event and it was sold out!!!

I put together a few pics for those of you who missed it (click on the images to make them bigger) and I’ll have video up soon. I want to thank my sponsors for being so supportive of TheBigGirlBlog and giving away great prizes. Thank you Match.com for giving away TWO memberships… I think the winners are going to have lots of fun with that

SimplyBe is one of my favorite places to shop right now and they were kind enough to raffle TWO $100 giftcards to TBGB followers. I can’t wait to see what the winners choose, I know they’re going to look adorable!

We also got to hear from Tiffany from the Foxcroft collection (she’s wearing a foxcroft denim shirt that comes in plussize! You can see me wearing it here), Foxcroft gave away three shirts to facebook followers and attendees who spoke up and shared their stories.

The best part of the evening was meeting my Plus Size Princesses, I feel like I know you all from your comments/tweets/emails but being able to hug each of you and hear your stories meant a lot to me. (Special shout out to Nora who drove all the way from Connecticut! And to the Mom & sis from Saint Lucia who were visiting and hung out with us xoxo)

I could not have done this without Alex Lawrence, my pianist and best friend (I’ve known him since the 2nd grade!!) finding friends who will stand by you and support you 100% is rare these days, I love him so much- follow him on twitter @alexlawrens.

Speaking of supportive friends, I was glad that my friend Ms. Kathryn Finney was able to come too, she is so busy but she made time for me! I also had blogger buddies in the building, Alyssa from StylishCurves and Shaina from aThickGirlsCloset both came out and we all kinda matched in our color scheme… werk!

You can see more pics from #CurvyConvoNYC on my facebook page.

Lastly, I want to announce that my next event, “Cardio & Curvy Conversations” will be held at New York Sports Club on October 27th! Want to come workout with me? Register here!

I kept the fact that I was not doing well pretty quiet because I didn’t want to ruin my families time together (I can be prideful/stubborn sometimes… its something I’m working on). When my Mom asked for an update, I repeated what my doctor had said and told her I’d be following up with a cardiologist when I got back.

After a few relaxing days together, it was time for me to head back to the city. My sister Denise decided that she would fly back to New York with me at the last minute so we were doing the six hour flight together.

While waiting for our plane to board, something inside me compelled me to confess to my sister how awful I had been feeling. “Denise, for the past few days I’ve been really short of breath. I’m fine and when we get back to the city I’m going to see a cardiologist, but I just… thought I should tell you.”

Denise, looked at me with concern. “Okay,” she said slowly “can I do anything for you?”

“No, I’ll be fine.”

I slept most of the flight, it was winter so I had knee-high boots that I had taken off in order to be more comfortable. As people filed out of the plane, I wanted to put my shoes back on but I couldn’t move. I was too weak to bend down, pull my legs up or any of the subtle movements that putting on a pair of shoes requires.

“Denise,” I whispered. “I can’t put on my shoes, can you help me?”

The look in my sisters eyes was a mix of fear and concern that mirrored what I felt inside… something was terribly wrong. My sister crouched down and put my boots on for me, she pulled my suitcase from the overhead compartment and prepared all of our things. At this point we were the last people on the plane. I wanted everything to be okay, so I said that it was. I stood up and began to push my suitcase down the aisle behind my sister.

By the time we made the short walk to first class, I felt like I had no energy or strength left. “Denise, give me a minute,” I said sitting in a first class seat.

Then I fainted.

After being rushed to the ER in an ambulance and given multiple tests, it turns out that I had blood clots in my lungs, a pulmonary embolism. If you know anything about blood clots, you know that flying is the absolute worst thing you can do if you have them. This is why my situation came to a head after the long flight from California to New York.

Writing this story, there were plenty of times that I could have made different choices. Choices that would not have landed me in an airplane seat unconscious. If you read part one, you’ll remember that I basically told my doctor that I felt like I had a blood clot. My self-diagnosis was spot on, but I chose to follow what a doctor said even though it didn’t feel right. I could have gotten a second opinion, but I let a doctor minimize my symptoms and push me off onto a specialist even though I had a gut feeling about what was wrong with me.

I knew… my body told me what was wrong, but I didn’t listen.

I spent 10 days in the hospital, underwent surgery and once I got out of the hospital I had to give myself injections daily for weeks.

I’m fine now, fully recovered and the doctors have no idea why I clotted again since I wasn’t taking birth control or anything and all the tests that they run come back completely normal. I can’t thank God enough that my sister Denise was with me and I didn’t have to go through this alone. This experience is what made me fully commit to losing weight, its the only variable in my health that needs attention.

According to the APS foundation, each year, more than 600,000 people in the United States have a pulmonary embolism, and more than 60,000 of them die. Most of those who die do so within 30 to 60 minutes after symptoms start.

My symptoms went on for close to two weeks, including two 6 hour flights so I thank God constantly that I lived through a PE.

Listen to Your Body.