Yesterday I decided to get my hair blown out and straightened (not the smartest decision considering its raining today, but whatever.) The woman who does my hair moved to a unisex hair salon in Harlem, so I made my way over to see her.

It was a Sunday and the place was more or less empty. I was on one end of the salon getting my hair done and on the other end a barber stood by watching another barber cut his clients hair. I didn’t pay much attention to them until I needed to go to the ladies room.

I had to walk between the three men in order to get the the bathroom. As I approached them, I became slightly self conscious because the back of my hair was bone straight, while the front was a curly mess on the top of my head. “Excuse me,” I said as I slipped between the two barbers. “No problem, darling…” one of them said giving me a grin.

When I emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later and had to slip past them again. The men went completely silent and I could feel three sets of eyes on me. Even the guy getting his hair cut, who had his back to me, found a way to check me out in the mirrors reflection. Then one of the men said something that I couldn’t hear and the other two grunted in agreement, “…see you’re my kinda dude,” one of the barbers said. “I was thinking the same damn thing!”

Making my way back to my chair, I wanted so badly to know what was said, since it obviously pertained to me. Were they talking about my unruly hair? Or perhaps something else… Although I couldn’t see who was saying what, I kept my ears peeled as they continued to talk on the other side of the room. As the conversation swelled I heard things like:

“Mmm a big woman, that’s me right there. I really don’t like them skinny. Not super fat either. But Big? That’s sexy”

“I dated a big girl once… she was big but real pretty” I bet her $100 she couldn’t lose 20 pounds in a month. She said she could, but then she ate up all the food in my house!”

“Yeah, its hard for them, cause they’re bodies are fighting against them, they just want to eat…”

“…But you know one thing? Those big girls… They give good head and they’re p*ssy is always tight because guys don’t really mess with them too much…”

Although I thought the conversation was over the top and slightly nauseating. I have to admit it was educational. In my mind, being plus size is the least interesting thing about me, but for the rest of the world (and for men in particular) its the thing they’re most interested in. Having a body that carries extra weight means that I carry the burden of stigma, mystique and myth that I can’t escape. Men will draw conclusions about me before I even open my mouth. Men will approach me assuming that I’m over-sexed, under-sexed and everything in between.

Because of this I often feel robbed of the privilege to just be a girl. My guard stays up longer than it should as I try to figure out if men are interested in Celeste, or if they just want to know if this big girl will do the things big girls are known to do: take care of her man, cook well, be freaky in the bedroom… and apparently have a “tight p*ssy” due to lack of desirability/experience.

I almost made this a rant, but I felt like doing that would discount all of the men who walk in public with their plus size princesses and think nothing of it. I’ve dated men like this, men who actually saw “me”, but for a multitude of other reasons, they haven’t been what I needed/was looking for. Of course, getting super skinny would also solve this issue, but I’m pretty sure I will never be a waif which means that as a PSP I may have to sift through more men with this “barber shop” mentality before I find The One. That’s a hard pill to swallow.

I’m not sure how many men read TBGB, but I would love to hear from both girls and guys on this one… Thoughts?

Having read through your entire blog in one sitting, you’re an excellent writer and you come across as a level-headed person — but what is up with this phrase “Plus Size Princess”? Are slim women “Regular Size Princesses”?

Plus Size Commoner

Hi “Plus Size Commoner”,

I agree with you about the term BBW (Big Beautiful Woman), BBW never resonated with me. In general, it seems a little forced. I shouldn’t have to remind someone that I am beautiful… should I?

That said, I didn’t intend for PSP to be a replacement term for BBW.

“Princess” is a term that I’ve identified with since birth (blame my parents!). When I coined the expression “Plus Size Princess”, it was a comfortable way of describing myself to my readers. I wanted to be very specific with you guys about the type of girl that I am, because I often feel that people are quick to strip overweight women of their femininity.

Media images of big people farting and being vulgar or big women chasing and forcing themselves on the men that they want are all over the place, so people assume that’s how all fat people are. Whether its a man thinking they can jump on my back, hitting me a little too hard on the arm or saying things like “c’mon, you’re tough!” as a big girl, I’m always fighting the expectation people have of me to be pushy, abrasive, overly sexual… almost masculine.

These stereotypes are the opposite of who I am and I found that “Plus Size Princess” was a simple way for me to express that. “Princess” makes me think of being girly, soft, demure, feminine, etc. Sadly, these aren’t words that one would typically associate with a fat chick.

When I began referring to myself as a Plus Size Princess/PSP on the blog, something interesting happened. I noticed that my readers adopted the phrase too. I would see “PSP” peppered in the emails that I received and in the comments on TBGB. That was really surprising to me, but I figured there had to be a reason. One day it hit me; maybe PSP is more empowering than BBW.

So often as big women we’re tempted to settle. We fall into a “beggars cant be choosers” mentality and we don’t hold our lives to the same standards that other women do.

I think recognizing that being fat doesn’t diminish you as a person is a very important thing. Requiring a certain level of respect and love, first from yourself and then from the people around you is a lesson we all can learn. The PSP treatment will look different for all of us, it could be anything from getting out of a bad relationship, to starting a journal. It could be as simple as getting a pedicure or taking a yoga class for the first time. Taking care of ourselves, treating ourselves as princesses and surrounding ourselves with people who to do the same can’t be a bad thing.

At the end of the day, PSP is just a reminder of what I already know: I am a princess, who happens to be plus size.

xoxo,
CeCe

P.S. Messages like this are why I love my readers. I’m always surprised that people are actually reading what I post and when you all chime in with your thoughts, opinions and challenging questions, it makes me stop and think about the things I say. All of that makes this blogging experience even cooler, so thank you.

Send your questions to nycece@gmail.com

Hello Lovelies,

Sometimes random things happen to me and its not worthy a full blog, but I still want to tell you all about it. So, I thought I’d give this Twitter thing a try. This way I can keep you up to date on this crazy PSP life in “real time”!

If you’re on Twitter you can find/follow me here: twitter.com/thebiggirlblog

xoxo