I’ve struggled throughout my dating life with insecurities - insecurities due to my size and due to how I’ve been treated by men in the past. It’s a hard hurdle to get over. I know that for the men I’ve dated my size hasn’t been an issue (they’re obviously attracted to me), but I’ve been in situations like yours countless times before. You second yourself. and your worth. You project your thoughts onto others and it’s so damaging. Insecurities make us live an unfulfilled life. They pull us back from engaging with the world and with people. It’s hard to come up with a response in a moment when you’re caught off guard - and that’s okay. I think the import thing is that you’re reflecting on it and getting to what the reason was for your silence. You’ll be able to have a conversation with yourself and challenge it the next time you come across this type of situation.

I’ve had several situations in which I let insecurities get in the way, but I’d like to share one in which I am very proud of how I handled it. I have been a PSP all my life, from a size 16 at my smallest to a 22 at my largest. I am currently an 18-20 depending on the garment. About 4 years ago I went out with a group of coworkers. I ended up meeting a guy & we ended up dating for almost 6 months. All I can say is that he must have really been interested in me that night because he approached me, spent several hours talking to me, got my number, & went out to eat with our group after leaving the club…
Several days later at work, one co-worker approached me & said something along the lines of, “Wow, what do you do, just sit there & look cute to get the guys?”. My immediate thought was that she never would have asked me that if I were not a PSP & I found that offensive. So I looked her in the eye and said with all seriousness, “Yes, that’s exactly what I do.”. The look on her face was priceless! I guess it was unfathomable to her, a slim woman, that a PSP would get approached by a man out in public. She never asked me anything else, lol…

Good post. My ex was a personal trainer and he managed a gym. And I NEVER went to the gym to work out, no matter how many times he mentioned. He finally stopped asking. When we broke up, it was one of the things he mentioned. I couldn’t figure out how to tell him that I didn’t want women interested in him to see me all sweaty and not cute and probably much bigger than most of them - isn’t that crazy?! In retrospect, it seems REALLY crazy. Because I know that he thought of me as a confident woman and I usually am. But some things just bring it up. (And women often came on to him in my presence, even when he was holding my hand or something. It drove me crazy.) Ah, you live and you learn. It made me feel better to reach this Cece, thank you.

I just stumbled upon your website yesterday and am in love! I am a 41 yr old PSP who looks much younger…I am currently in a relationship that I hope leads to marriage again. I was shy and quiet in high school…who would want to date or be friends with the fat girl were the negative thoughts that constantly were on repeat in my mind. In my 20′s I lost weight, my smallest probably being a misses 14, and damn I was a head turner! Things have happened in my life, marriage, babies, nervous breakdown, stress and with each my weight went either up or down. Right now I am currently at my highest, but probably at my happiest. You see, I have let go of a lot of insecurities, I know who I am and am proud of it. Last year I got a Facebook message from someone in high school. I didn’t really remember who he was, but he was in my class so I returned the message. It turned out that I was his high school dream girl…the same girl who I thought no one would ever ask out. We met and began a beautiful friendship. Fast forward one year, and we are in an amazing relationship and have recently moved in together. He still thinks I am the most beautiful girl in the world and he never has even known me in my “skinny” days. I am currently in the most stable, secure, completely satifying relationship in my life. I am in love with my best friend.

I know I have gone off topic, but really I think the beauty of it will be found in your own self-discovery. I have learned so much about myself after some rough years…no never drugs or alcohol or abuse. I did therapy for awhile, but didn’t think it really helped me….until about a year after I stopped going…I finally felt worthy. I knew what I wanted and deserved and now I don’t settle for less. Do I still analyze my body size? Absolutely, but I know I still turn a few heads…especially of one very special man who tells me how beautiful I am every day.

Believe in yourself ladies, you deserve nothing less.