As I pulled myself out of the pool, my heart skipped a beat.

Standing near the stairs, holding out a towel for me was Vin, a guy I dated heavily for a few months. “Towel?” he said extending his arm so that the towel was inches from my body. Although he was talking to me his eyes were planted firmly on my breasts in my bathing suit. I snatched the towel from his hands and quickly covered up. “You always were modest,” he said with a chuckle.

I said nothing. The anger I felt had me stunned silent.

“CeCe, it’s really good to see you, how have you been?”

“Fine.”

“Is it good to see me?” he teased.

“Not really,” I said eyeing the door to the ladies locker room.

“Ouch!” he laughed, clutching his heart.

I don’t want to get into the details of how things ended with Vin, but I will say that within a month of our breakup he was married to someone else and the only one who was surprised by that was me. Once I found out that Vin was married I deleted him from my life no facebook, email or phone numbers were kept. Although I was hurt and had many questions, I didn’t see the point in going down that road with a married man.

“Well, take care…” I said, sidestepping to get around him. Then I stopped myself. In a flash the idea of closure came to mind. I don’t know where it came from, but it seemed logical to take advantage of this moment and get answers to the questions I had about why this guy had hurt me/deceived me/made selfish choices. “Actually, wait- I have a question…”

I took a deep breath, “when we broke up you made me feel like everything was my fault, when the reality was that you were about to get married! Why did you do that?”

I was so proud of myself! I had nailed Vin to the wall for the way he treated me and I couldn’t wait for him to feel the guilt of what he had done. I waited for him to squirm and apologize, maybe even ask for forgiveness. He looked at me for a while and then said, “CeCe, lets not dwell on the past. Life’s too short.”

And with a patronizing smile, he patted my arm. “It really is good to see you- you look good!” he said, and then he made his way to into the pool to swim laps.

That was it?!

I’ve heard so many people talk about needing closure, seeking out exes and past loves to get closure. Is this what they’re looking for?

Part of me understands the search for closure but a part of me is starting to think it doesn’t exist. People hurt us, and knowing why they did it wont help anything. Knowing that they feel awful wont lessen our pain. Even if Vin had confessed that he made a mistake by treating me the way he did- it really doesn’t matter. He’s married, I’m happily involved with someone else so apologies won’t change anything.

I’m starting to wonder if the search for closure has more to do with pride than anything else… we walk around wondering how could HE hurt ME like that? When the truth may be that people hurt people… and then they move on! Maybe we should move on too.

I’ve got two more “closure” experiences that I’ll write about in the next week or so but I’d love to hear your thoughts as I mull things over… Do YOU believe in closure?

If you follow me on twitter/4Square you always see me checking in at the gym, but every once in a while I like to try working out at home, especially in the mornings (waking up is hard!)

As 2012 begins and my fitness goals are renewed, I’ve been lucky enough to start the New Year with a preview subscription to Gaiam TV. Gaiam TV is like Netflix for those of us who want to get fit. They’re the first streaming video subscription that specializes in health, wellness, yoga, fitness and personal development and its a great way to try something new, like yoga or a crazy Jillian Michaels workout in the privacy of your own home.

The channels are all rated by viewers and I was able to select based on my goals (i.e. weight loss, strength, etc.). Instead of buying DVD’s that will ultimately bore me I can switch it up each week based on what I want to learn and best of all, I can use the service on my phone/iPad!

For $9.95 a month Gaiam offers unlimited viewing and they’re offering a free 10-day trial to TBGB readers.

Enjoy!

While I was in California, I took a few days to travel to San Francisco (by myself, woot woot!). My very first stop was the Igigi headquarters in the SOMA district. I think Igigi is a very important brand for every Plus Size Princess to know about because they were designing Plus Size Fashion long before it was the “cool thing to do”. There’s a reason Igigi’s been around for a while- the clothes are well made! The dresses are fully lined and their sample size is a full 18/20, so they’re designing with a true full figure in mind! (There are many up and coming designers who are taking that same approach even as they study at online fashion design universities which is very refreshing).

Before my appointment I browsed their website to see which dresses I wanted to try on. I ultimately ended up choosing the Odette dress in Olive, a whimsical color I don’t have in my closet. The dress is curve hugging without being restrictive and is daytime & evening friendly. I styled it with fishnets and sueded boots and wore the dress to church on Christmas Day.

What do you think?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Every time I take a trip I try to do something adventurous. I’ve gone parasailing in miami, snorkeled with seals in La Jolla and each time that I do something like that I find that I conquer a fear of mine in some way. This year, when I went home for Christmas, I decided to conquer a fear that I’ve had forever- going places by myself. Its hard for me to have a cup of coffee on my own without a book or my laptop in front of me. So when I decided to take a trip to San Francisco on my own… I was beyond nervous.

The first thing I had to do was make sure that I could travel in an affordable way, I did that using two of my favorite discount sites.

Ideeli

Ideeli is primarily a fashion site that sells high end fashion at huge discounts. I love them because not only do they offer brands like Betsey Johnson and Rebecca Minkoff but they do regular “Plus Size Perfection” sales that are phenominal. A few months ago, they had an offering for a Travlocity.com gift card. The gift card was worth $100 but I was able to buy it for $50. I used the $100 gift card to book my hotel, so I was able to get 4 days/3 nights in the heart of San Francisco for $200! (This site is for members only, but you can sign up for Ideeli here).

Groupon

I am a Groupon fanatic! When I’m headed to a new city, I always sign of for groupon deals there. This trip I did something a little different though. I used the Groupon app on my phone and took advantage for “Groupon Now” deals for my meals. Groupon Now uses your GPS location to tell you what restaurants are offer discounts on dinner/drinks at that very moment. When I got hungry, I would see who in my area of San Francisco was offering a deal on lunch/dinner and if it was something I liked, I’d head over. It was a fun way to explore the city and find restaurants I wouldn’t know about otherwise. My favorite meal was at a restaurant called infusion, for $10 I got $20 in food and drinks (their edamame was AMAZING!) after a good meal and a glass of wine, my total was like $24. Score! (join groupon here).

All in all spending a few days in a foreign city was a lot of fun. I think 4 days was the perfect amount of time. Thanks to everyone who gave me tips on where to go via facebook/twitter, I used a lot of your recommendations.

Have YOU ever done a solo vacation?