“I want a chocolate milkshake soooo bad,” I said as I looked over the menu at a Diner on the Lower East Side sometime in March.

“So, have one,” Robert said, barely looking up from his menu.

If I had said something like that to one of my girlfriends, they would have said DON’T DO IT! ITS NOT WORTH THE CALORIES! and I would have ordered a seltzer water. I frowned a little, wanting to complain that he wasn’t being supportive but bit my tongue. I still ordered a seltzer and pushed my milkshake craving to the side.

A week later I casually mentioned that I’d lost 2 more pounds. He raised his hand up for a high-five, “Have you told the other girls in the office how much weight you’ve lost? That’s amazing!” he said. I felt myself beaming.

This past weekend we went out for Thai food. Robert and I were deciding which two appetizers we wanted, but before the waiter came he looked at me and said, “wait- is two appetizers too much for you, diet-wise?” The question surprised me, but I was able to be honest with him (and myself) and say that ordering one appetizer would probably be the best thing. I’m not going to lie, the moment irritated me a little bit, which is ridiculous because it’s EXACTLY how I wanted him to act during the “milkshake moment”.

I know a lot of women with boyfriends who police their weight. These guys make comments when they gain weight and strongly encourage them to lose weight. Robert is not like that, but its still taken a while for me to openly talk to him about my weight loss aspirations. Now that he knows how serious I am about slimming down, I think we’re both realizing that he has to be a part of my support system. We have to find our balance and actually, I think he’s doing a better job of that than I am.

I think guys understand that depriving yourself of things all the time isn’t necessarily the way to go, while women play the whole “I’m going to eat nothing but vegetables for 2 weeks” game and then fail miserably. As I look at the ways Robert supports me, he kind of chooses his battles. So in the grand scheme of things, maybe Robert being “nonchalant” about my milkshake craving wasn’t as unsupportive as I thought.

After a month and a half of Milkshake cravings, I made a calculated decision to give in. I worked out in the morning, ate fruit, salads and lean proteins all day and then in the afternoon Robert and I went to Shake Shack and had chocolate milkshakes. I closed my eyes and took a long sip, “mmmmm”.

“Was it worth the wait?” Robert asked with a smile.

“Definitely… and if I gain a little bit this week, it will be worth the weight too!” I said with a laugh.

“I don’t think you’ll gain… you’re doing really well,” he said.

Last Weekend I went to Atlantic City to attend New Jersey Full Figured Fashion Week. I had an amazing time! As many of you know, the original Full Figured Fashion Week is NYC based, so it was fun to see how they did things in New Jersey.

The weekend was promoted as a fusion of fashion and music and that’s exactly what it was. I was able to see clothes from my favorite plus size designers come down the runway and then party the night away with some of my favorite artists (Musiq, Melanie Fiona and Eric Benet *swoon*).

It was also fun to hang out with celebs like Darren Henson from Soul Food/Darrens Dance Grooves (*NSYNC fans know who he is!), Nikki Blonski from Hairspray, Tami from Basketball Wives and Chelsea Settles from MTV. In between all of the fashion, partying and celeb sightings there were shopping expos, panels and a fitness class. Overall, New Jersey put on a great weekend and I would definitely go back.

P.S. From what I can see, Full Figured Fashion Week is an idea that a lot of people are latching onto. So if you decide to attend one in a city near you make sure you research the company who is hosting. The two that I’ve linked above are reputable but not all FFFWeek’s are the same.

Disclaimer: This is a subject I’ve wanted to write about for a while. I look forward to hearing your thoughts, but anything offensive or hateful will be deleted.

As I sat in the front row during New Jersey Full Figured Fashion Week in Atlantic City (which was awesome by the way), a beautiful black model was given a few minutes to speak in between shows. She talked about how she came to be a plus size model and embrace her body. “I used to be skinny,” she proclaimed “but as ya’ll know- in the Afro-American community… skinny is NOT where it’s at!” she continued to boast about her improved self confidence after gaining weight and encouraged the plus size women in the audience to embrace their curves.

While I agree 100% with what she had to say about self-love, I had to wonder about her cut and dry assessment that as a black woman, gaining weight was the best thing when it came to her dating life. In talking to different Plus Size Princesses, I’ve noticed that there’s a common assumption that if you’re black or latina, being overweight is a breeze. But if you’re white it’s a struggle.

Did any of you read the article in the Washington Post a few weeks ago about Black women being happier at a larger size? It took on this subject from a somewhat scientific perspective and came to the same conclusion; Black/latina women grow up being praised for “thickness” so they don’t have a hard time if they’re big.

My personal opinion is that no matter what race you are- the ideal body type is skinny/small/thin and while women of color may be praised for having fat in the “right places” (i.e. a big butt, full hips or large breasts) women of color are rarely praised for just being fat.

If I took a poll of 100 Plus Size Princesses of color who read this blog, I don’t think their dating lives would be any easier than white PSPs. I would be willing to bet that they’ve all been called names… been looked over by guys… been told to lose weight in order to become desirable. And I think it does Plus Size Princesses of color a disservice to just assume their plus size lives are any less complicated.

Perhaps culturally, plus size women of color have a better chance of embracing their bodies, but that’s not something you’re born with… loving yourself its something you work at no matter what your cultural background is. But again, those are my thoughts…

What do YOU think? Does your race make being a big girl… easier?