I don’t think that you are being too sensitive. It seems wierd to me that he would think it is ok to make that comment to you now that you have told him about your blog. You don’t make fun of yourself in your blog or talk about your weight in a negative way.

If I were you I would just let him know that you didn’t like or appreciate the comments about your weight and maybe how it makes you feel. Being your feind he should take you serious.

No you are not being to sensitive. That was dead wrong.

I don’t talk about my weight either and this is one of the reasons why. The few times I have made the mistake of discussing it with skinnies or normal sized people (whether making a comment about watching what I’m eating or saying I’m going to workout etc), it was as if it gave them the sign that it was okay for them to say something in return about my weight or they had been dying to say “oh yea you are fat” for a long time and were just waiting for my green light.

It is out of line for ANYONE to make comments like that even IF you tell them about your feelings or experiences as a PSP. I feel it is a friendship/trust issue. You are trusting them with sensitive information and they should behave in a manner that shows they will not abuse what they learn about you.

There are tactful ways to mention someone’s weight in general discussion. If you make fun of, or talk openly and uncensored about your own weight, that does NOT make it okay for someone else to do it.

Same rule aplies to talking about siblings. Only you can call them crazy.

I would be pissed if someone felt it okay to mock my size. But then, I’m a bitch and will nip it in the butt with a insult to a soft spot of theirs to make a very direct point.

Don’t make fun of me. I’m not your personaljoking punching bag.

PSP is NOT equal to cow. It breaks my heart that he thinks that being plus sized is a negative. Now I’m sure there are some pretty cows out there but COME ON!

You my dear are a gorgeous and confident woman (the PSP blog just shows how honest and willing you are to share your heart). Don’t take it. Tell him it’s not appropriate and feel free to make a few small penis jokes if he continues. Sometimes bluntness is my weapon of choice. Don’t let one person break your heart (and now mine!).

Not cool. Has he actually read through your blog since you told him? If he had, I would think it’s pretty clear that you don’t go around calling yourself fat (which is a four letter word as far as I’m concerned) or making jokes about your weight. Friends should be supportive and tell you how amazing it is that you’re sharing your journey and struggles, not hurt your feelings. I’ve always found the best way to stop this kind of behaviour is to straight up tell the person your feelings are hurt. Most of the time they don’t even realize they’re doing something hurtful and it really makes them think twice about what they say in the future to you and other people.

To play Devil’s Advocate here, by telling him that you write about being a PSP, and him OBVIOUSLY not having read the blog. I’m sure his guy brain immediately went to what media labels as okay, fat people are funny. It’s definitely a stereotype but lets face it, most guys some where along the line have the one guy friend who is over weight and will constantly make himself the butt of jokes because that’s okay and that’s what’s expected. As women we don’t do that, nearly all my friends have idealized body types and even when I’m down on myself because of my size they have always thought I was beautiful and don’t even realize that I can’t always shop at the same places as them and stuff.

So I feel that in his guy brain, he though that in this online blog world you probably make fun of yourself and dwell on the pitfalls of being “outside of the societal norm”. I don’t feel that this means he was purposefully being insensitive, it’s just the only way he could process what you were telling him. Weight has never been a factor in your friendship which is why it was never brought up until now. But since he has a misconstrued idea of how you are presenting yourself, he thinks that he’s joining in on the fun.

Best thing to do would be to sit him down and explain how you feel and hell even show him some snippets from the blog. I feel like this is all yet another example of the differences between men and women. Bless them but boys can be pretty dense sometimes but that’s why we love ‘em! haha

*facepalm* He is such a dumbass. I have to say though, I think the attempt was to find a way back into your life. When all the old jokes weren’t funny anymore he took a new dumbass route and just offended you. It’s odd though. With as much past as you have I’m shocked he sees weight at all. Do you feel like maybe we got older and wiser faster then he did? Going back in time eight years was a little scary.

I’m sorry that your friend has gone all wierd on you. Make him aware of it and then take it from there. As for coming out that you have to decide. Comfortable or not you can’t go back.

I totally get what you mean about not wanting to be defined as one thing. It’s hard to have something that’s a big part of who you are, and not have people see you as that only.

I think that the things your friend said are wrong, but maybe he’s just trying to show you that he’s supportive and gets it, and it’s coming out all kinds of awkward and wrong. When someone comes out of the closet to a friend, they’ll often make some awkward gay jokes in an effort to show that they don’t have a problem with it and are comfortable (which obviously ends up doing the opposite)…. my point is that hopefully your friend will cut it out once he doesn’t get encouragement on his jokes. Sorry this happened!

As someone who’s almost on the opposite end of the Plus-Sized New Yorker spectrum (I’d call myself a Plus Sized Punk), it’s offensive to say that to a friend. You weren’t being touchy or over-sensitive, he hurt your feelings and that’s not okay. You’re obviously cool with being Queen-Sized but that doesn’t mean you’re calling yourself a cow and he shouldn’t either. But at the same time, it was probably just a miscommunication that can be easily resolved with a nice phone convo.

Also, you mentioned readers wanting to meet you, have you considered making a Meetup page and having, like, a NYC Plus Sized Meetup?

I’ve only just read this entry – I’m spending a cosy night in catching up with your blog (I love reading your posts!) – and I’ve never commented before.

I live in London (not that it matters!), and am also a PSP…I can relate to SOOOO many of the things you write about and have experienced, especially with this post – I NEVER comment on my weight to friends or family (well, I do it a bit more these days…with age has come a little confidence) but for me, not talking about my weight has never really been a confidence thing, it’s always been more like “I don’t have a problem with my weight, so you BETTER not have a problem with it either!” I’ve always managed to attract guys, have also been complimented often, been called beautiful, sexy etc…and I think because I have never outwardly shown that I have an issue with it (although privately, of course I have my moments and issues!), it makes people treat me respectfully about it. I think it also shows my degree of confidence (I have never ever let my body issues stop me getting close to a guy, and they definitely pick up on that in a positive way)

I also wanted to comment as I love the way you write about your life! I’m so envious of your life, you seem like a really lovely woman (hope I don’t sound like a weirdo there…!)

I lived in New York (favourite City in the world) for 1 year, a few years ago, and while I was really upset to read about your friend’s comments about you, I screamed out loud when I read this – I remember eating a GREAT meal at the Sunburnt Cow when I lived over there! Glad to hear it’s still open (it’s on the LES, right?) – I know how quickly things/restaurants/bars change in that wonderful City…anyway, keep up your great work, I love reading it!

P