Cece,

I agree with Anonymous. I mean, it's been long enough and it seems like you two are friends at least. It's time to have a real talk with your buddy Robert and see where you stand. I understand feeling nervous about the whole situation … I mean I wouldn't want to be in your position but I'd rather know what was going on than not. Get some answers so you can move on with your life or just make the decision to but him in YOUR friend zone and no longer see him as a potential bf. I hope this helps.
Crown

OMG I totally feel your pain. Placeholders are the most unstable place to be, but in the moment they are so nice. I also know how easy it is to say you're going to have "the talk" about the status of the "relationship" but that fear of uncertainty (or even rejection) is totally crippling. I wish you the best- it's a frustrating situation!

I've been down that road with a really good friend. We had so much chemistry we could start a fire! The world questioned him more than me about whats goin on between us. We both kept mum for the fear of ruining a great friendship. Eventually things happened but not the way I expected it to be.
Cece, unless you're willing to let go of a great friendship, think twice. A guy loves the chase and the fact that you're always inaccessible (cuz of your other dates) keeping you around works like a challenge. If you burst the bubble, you just might lose it all.

i DONT agree with all the other girls. if he was REALLLLLLY into you as much as you DESERVE, he would have made it official LONG ago. i've been there and done that. and it's not a good place to be. my husband made me his girlfriend a week after we met and asked me to marry him 3 months later and made me his wife a year and a half after that. i dated lots and i went out with 'placeholders' too. i even had a guy friend who seemed interested, we went out a whole lot but nothing ever came of it because i met my husband. ya snooze ya lose! lol point being, i think every girl deserves someone who is crazy about them! and if robert was crazy about you, you wouldnt be here. i hope the date goes well tonight and i really hope you don't settle!

As someone who's been stuck in the grey area for a looong time, I just gotta say that nothing will change unless you act. Yes. It has to be you.

And although I do agree with Kristin and Punky that he should make the move if he was really interested, fact is, guys can live in the grey area. They don't mind being in that ambiguous place. Because there are no set rules. He's having his cake and eating it too. Which it looks like you're doing, too, so I guess no harm, no foul. But if you want definition in your "relationship," it's something YOU will need to define.

Like you said in your original Friends with Benefits post, "we're just not wired that way!" Except this time, it refers to being able to live contentedly in that uncertain and nebulous grey area.

all i can say is do what's best for you.
we're only getting a portion of the story.
we're not in your relationship with robert,
so we don't know the full truth,
but i trust that you're making the best decision for you.
hope your date went well!

I feel like we're all repeating each other, but anyway, my two cents:

By continuing to go out with him without demanding that he "define" anything, you are basically telling him that a grey-area relationship is okay. If you make yourself less available (especially physically – don't let him touch you, move away from his arm over your shoulder, etc) he is going to get the message that this is NOT OKAY.

I'm not saying be mean, I'm just saying that right now, this guy gets to spend time with you, be affectionate, enjoy your company and all without any kind of risk. Who WOULD want to mess that up?

Listen, if you don't confront him directly or pull away indirectly, he is just going to keep doing what's worked for him. You say you are 'traditional', that it is up to him to 'define' your relationship. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HE'S DOING. He's defining it as undefined, and you are letting him. Shame!

Traditionally, women didn't put up with men who played with their hearts (they couldn't afford to – the risks were too high). So be a traditional women and stop giving him everything he wants for nothing. Be unavailable. Stop agreeing to go on dates-that-aren't-dates! Stop letting him snuggle you! Stop letting him monopolize your emotions!

Either directly (a la conversation) or indirectly (a la changing your actions) you are going to have to find out if he wants more, and if he doesn't, make some boundaries and stick to them. You can certainly be nice about it – be sweet as pie! You can still be flirtatious and fun- when you're out in big groups, or for five minutes at the office. But stop letting him 'define' the relationship as 'I don't know'. You're worth more than that!

End Ridiculously Long Rant.

It sounds like a "comfortable" relationship. Dudes like comfortable. Like meatloaf. Not that he thinks you are meatloaf but it doesn't sound like that you are insisting that you are a filet. If you need to define the relationship, then you need to demand it.