Spanx… Foundation Garments… Body Shapers… Girdles… whatever you want to call them every Plus Size Princess has at least one pair in her drawer.

So, lets talk about them! I’m going to share a few stories and tips regarding Spanx and when I’m done, hopefully some of you will do the same! Lets begin:

1. The “Swoosh” Factor: Last year I bought a new body shaper (biking shorts that went from my mid thigh all the way under my breasts). I wore them under a knee length dress to prevent chub rub, but when I got into my quiet office I realized that the shiny/slinky fabric made a swoosh-swoosh noise every time I took a step! You could hear me coming a mile away and it was mortifying! When I went to use the bathroom I noticed that the inside fabric was soft and not shiny at all. I turned the body shaper inside out and voila! I was able to walk around the office without my inner thighs announcing me before I arrived. (Tip: Turn Spanx inside out if they’re making too much noise when you walk).
2. Marilyn Moments: I recently discovered an anti-chaffing gel which means that I don’t always have to wear Spanx under my dresses. This makes me most excited when it comes to “Marilyn Moments” when the wind blows my skirt unexpectedly or when I sit down and my skirt rises to show the bottom of my Spanx. This is just NOT CUTE. (Tip: When I do decide to wear Spanx under a flowy dress, I always wear a slip over the spanx so that when the wind blows the slip is what shows, not my shorts.)
3. Mob Wives Moments: When I saw this, I was pretty speechless, I think all of my Spanx mishaps pale in comparison. (Tip: If you’re planning to get into a fight on reality TV, Spanx may not be a good idea.) photo by TVGasm
4. Spanx & Jeans: I was out with Robert and his brother last month and there was a plus size girl wearing jeans, spanx and a teeny-tiny t-shirt. As she was drinking and dancing, her shirt rode up in the back and soon enough 3 inches of white spanx were showing above her waistband. The slick fabric that most body shapers are made of can cause clothes to slip up and out of place without us knowing. (Tip: If you’re wearing Spanx under jeans, make sure your shirt is long enough and not super tight)
5. $panx: Um… Spanx are expensive! While I understand the importance of a body shaper, I also understand the importance of paying my bills, so I’m constantly looking for cheaper alternatives. The Avenue used to have an amazing line of body shapers, but for some reason they’ve stopped carrying them. I would get Spanx replica’s for like $20 from them and they were perfect! Another place I purchase body shapers are the plus size catalogs (i.e. Roamans, Onestopplus, etc.) they usually have lycra girdles at great prices. (Tip: Don’t get chained to a brand name)

6. Erin P. left this note on my facebook page: Thought of your blog last night. I was at a wedding and “caught” the bouquet, I didn’t catch it, my hands were glued to my sides, it smacked me in the face. And then, the poor guy that caught the garter of course had to put it on me, I had spanx on and wanted to die. He was super trim and I was possibly the biggest girl in the room and I was terrified he was gonna keep going and hit the spanx…lol…the perils of being a big girl!
   Thanks so much for the hilarious comment Erin, I think all Plus Size Princesses can relate to this, which leads me to…

7. Chastity Belts: As I mentioned before, when I have on Spanx and a guy touches my leg, I completely freeze. Sometimes spanx can become a chastity belt, keeping us from getting close to guys physically (which isn’t always a bad thing). I can remember bringing a guy home for a make-out session and bee-lining it to the bathroom to take my spanx off and hide them under the sink. At the end of the day, Spanx aren’t the sexiest thing but they’re a necessary evil for some of us. I love that Erin can laugh about it, because honestly there are much more tragic things in the world than a guy seeing our Spanx and at this point most guys know what they are anyway. (Tip: Have a sense of humor)

8. Spanx in the Summer: During this NYC heatwave, I think the most awful part of my day has been when I’m getting into my spanx in the morning and when I’m peeling them off at night. Its a workout! But it encourages me to get my crunches in so that one day I can be 100% Spanx-free. (Tip: Baby powder?)
9. Spanx in the Bathroom: There is nothing worse than having to go to the bathroom and fighting to get out of Spanx. Actually there is something worse; pulling Spanx back on after using the bathroom when they’re rolling and you’re kinda sweaty. Yuck. (Tip: More baby powder?)
10. Wear Spanx for the right reasons: When I mentioned Spanx on a post a few weeks ago, someone left a comment saying “Also, even in hot, humid, 100+ degree TX, I wear Assets (Spanx cheaper version) b/c I don’t want my butt jiggling when I walk” For what its worth, most of the guys I know would have NO PROBLEM seeing a little jiggle back there. So, if that’s what’s keeping you sweating it out in Spanx, I say ditch them and shake your tail feather!

As you can see, I can go on about Spanx for days, but I’ll stop and let you girls (and guys) chime in.

Do you have any stories or tips when it comes to Body Shapers?

I was leaving the gym after an evening swim and the idea of putting biker shorts/spanx back on under my dress wasn’t appealing. Its only a 10 minute walk to my apartment, I thought to myself I should be fine. So I threw a dress on over my bathing suit and left the gym with bare legs and more importantly bare inner thighs. The walk home was fine until the last block when I was sure that steam was sizzling out from under my dress because the friction from my inner thighs was creating a heat like none other.

I got home, showered, threw on a pair of yoga pants and though nothing of my 10 minute walk until I woke the next morning to HUGE painful blister/boils on my inner thighs. Chub Rub was out to get me… again!

(Remember when my jeans died a slow and painful death due to Chub Rub? If not, click here to read that story)

I’ve accepted the fact that my jeans will never last more than a year before they have holes in the inner thigh, but I’ve always been sad that in the summer I can’t go completely bare legged. I would be so jealous of the girls in little flowy skirts and I’ve even fantasized about getting the fat sucked from my inner thighs just to make my life easier.

When I have on a short skirt or dress I always have to wear biker shorts/spanx or pantyhose to keep my inner thighs from touching and I hate it!

I hate always tugging my dresses down to make sure the bottom of my spanx aren’t showing and I hate that if a guy touches my leg, I have to stop him before he gets to my “chastity belt”. Its not cute… and its annoying.

I want to be freeeee!

Last week I was catching up on my plus size fashion blogs and I saw Monistat Soothing Care Chafing Relief Powder-Gel, 1.5-Ounce Tube listed on YFF. Its an anti-chafing cream and while I was pretty skeptical, I dream of spanx-less summers, so I ran out to buy it.

I’ve been using it for the last 14 days and I have had NO CHAFING! I mentioned it on twitter and someone said that the cream can also be used as a makeup primer which I tried and I really like (because I get super shiny). This cream seems to solve all my problems… its a miracle!

The $8 investment is soooo much cheaper than spanx. I use a dime size amount on the inside of each thigh and it lasts all day. I’ll usually reapply after work if I’m going out or something but that’s it. Guess I wont have to get liposuction after all!

Have any of you tried the Monistat Soothing Care for chafing or primer? How did it work for you?