Dear CeCe,
I’m not sure if this question is appropriate for The Big Girl Blog but I’ve been reading your blog since 2009 and I trust you’ll give me good advice. I guess you can say that I am now no longer a Plus Size Princess. Through a strict diet (read: chocolate deprivation) and exercise I’ve gone from a size 24 to a size 10/12. I should be happy, right? I thought all of these fantastic men would come out of the wood works to want to date me but it hasn’t happened. Instead, I find a lot of guys that have always put me in the “friend” category trying to approach me differently. I want to give them chance but I have trouble forgiving their inability to see me for the person I am instead of finding me unsuitable to date because of my (former) size. What should I do? I’m 28 and have only had one boyfriend my whole life. I’m a great person! Am I wrong for feeling the way I do?
Warmly,
Weighed and Confused
Hey Weighted and Confused,
Here I am patting myself on the back for losing 30 pounds and it sounds like you’ve cut your size in half… Very impressive! Hopefully some PSPs (or “ex-PSPs”) can shed some light on how they’ve dealt with this issue In the meantime I’ll give my thoughts (although I haven’t lost enough weight to have gone through this myself).
I feel like there are two factors in a situation that we should consider. Us (Plus Size Princesses) and Them (Men).
Us:
Remember when I dated Kevin, the guy who I grew up with? Kevin liked me since elementary school. But as young PSP, I convinced myself that there was no way on Gods green earth that a guy like him would like a fat girl like me. Even though all signs pointed to him liking me, I did everything in my power to push him away. Fast forward to 2010, when we dated and I wasn’t skinner, but I was just a *tiny* bit more secure in myself. I was open to guys being attracted to me at any weight and once that happened, it’s almost as if I moved myself out of the friend zone.
My point is, being a size 10/12 when you used to be a size 24 has got to be a confidence booster. I imagine you’re walking into rooms with a different air because of your accomplishment (and if you’re not, you should be!). Maybe you’re letting your walls down a little more and men are picking up on it? Maybe they’re like “whoa” not because of how you look now, but because of how you feel and the energy you’re giving. That may sound far-fetched, so I’ll just let you think about that possibility while I move right along to my next thought…
Them:
I’m learning that men are pretty simple, so I’ll do my best not make this part complicated. Men are physical creatures and from what I hear, physical attraction must be there in order for them to go any further with a woman. Women can grow to become attracted to a guy over time, or see the person they are and fall for that instead of their looks. Guys aren’t wired that way.
Some guys have a range of “types” so they could date Beyonce in high school and Jennifer Hudson (circa Dreamgirls) in college. Some guys are attracted to PSPs but don’t want to deal with the social stigmas that go with having a fat girlfriend. Some guys just like skinny girls.
So, knowing that… the real thing we have to figure it is how YOU feel. You’re the one going through changes, you’re the one who works hard and you’re the one who deserves a dating situation that makes you feel good! It’s easy for me to shrug my shoulders and say, “men are just like that” but if it doesn’t sit well with you, then maybe those aren’t the guys you should be dating. I don’t want you harboring negative feelings when dating someone, because that’s no fun at all. How you handle these men is your choice and as long as you’re being true to yourself, you’re making the right decision.
Lastly, I’d suggest that you watch one of my favorite movies of all time “The Mirror Has Two Faces” there’s a scene in that movie, that I detail here. You can read my account of the scene and then rent the movie, if you can.
(Do any of YOU have advice for Miss. Weighed and Confused?)
xoxo,
CeCe
CeCe@thebiggirlblog.com
