Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop (Part One)

Filed Under: Dating

Things with Adrian had been going well.

Really well.

So well in fact, that I found myself feeling a bit of anxiety. Thinking about it made my head spin; Was I headed towards a real relationship without the complications of the “grey area“? Was I willing to move forward with Adrian? Was Adrian ready and willing to move forward with me?

The answer seemed to be yes, to all of the above. Adrian and I were spending time together, he was calling regularly and he was even doing things like making plans for a month away (in the early dating stages, suggesting something for “next month” feels like a huge commitment). But I was anxious in other ways too; this Adrian situation was rolling out so smoothly and unfortunately my life never quite seems to work out that way. There’s always a snag… so as much as I tried to stay in the moment with Adrian, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Adrian left me a message on Tuesday. “Hey CeCe, I’m going out of town for work on Thursday and I’d like to see you before I go. Are you free tonight? Let me know….”

Normally I would have rearranged my schedule to see him, but Robert and I were going to a concert and we’d had the tickets since before Adrian was even in the picture. I called Adrian back, “hey mister, I can’t do it tonight but I’m free Wednesday night or, I can just see you when you get back”

“No,” he replied. “I need to see you before I leave.”

We made plans to meet up on Wednesday and he arrived at my door looking adorable in grey slacks and a blue button down shirt. He swept me up in a big long hug, “you smell so good” he said, and we headed out for dinner. As we walked to the train, he took my hand. “I got a last minute assignment from work, yesterday. I’m leaving on Thursday to Turkmenistan to work on a project with the endangered snow leopards.”

Adrian is an environmental consultant and I kept meaning to brush up on my National Geographic, but I hadn’t. So what he was saying didn’t mean much to me. I didn’t even know the snow leopards needed help and I wasn’t exactly sure where Turkmenistan was.

“Okay. When do you come back?”

Adrian took a deep breath, “I’ll be back in a month.”

I stopped in the middle of the side walk, speechless. I looked at him to see if he was joking, but he had a pained look in his eyes. He reached out to grab my hand, but I pulled away. “A month?!” I asked incredulously.

“I know, I know” he groaned. “This is like, the worst possible timing.”

I stared at him for a few moments before I continued walking towards the subway. His hand rested on my lower back as we walked and he talked, “This is why I tried to see you last night, I didn’t want to tell you over the phone but I wanted to spend as much time with you as possible before I left.”

I was stunned. I felt like the other shoe had dropped… right onto my head.

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Published on Tuesday, August 24, 2010
22 Comments
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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04749233285860101621 Lisa

    Oh no! Cece - this exact thing has happened to me. We had been dating for only 4 weeks when suddenly he had to leave on a 4 month internship (with only a week's notice)! I know it sucks, but one month can go by extremely fast - and I'm sure he'll miss you while he's off with those Turkmen tigers!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06690203869232919329 Rhoyale

    I agree CeCe,
    One month is not that long and it will fly by before you know it. Things seem like they've been going really well so I can imagine that everything will be the same or better when he gets back. When me and my BF started dating, he went back home to visit his family during the holidays for three weeks. I don't think he realized how much he liked me until he started missing me while he was away. I know it sucks not to be able to see him for a month, but in my opinion, the month apart may push your relationship to the next level.
    He clearly cares enough about you to want to spend time with you before he goes; and he wanted to tell you in person. These are signs that he's genuine. I think you should just calm down and take it day by day with him…before you know it he'll be back and you'll both still like each other.

  • Anonymous

    You are TOTALLY overreacting!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16085656536778286348 Emily Sandford

    One month is nothing! And how sweet of him to want to spend time with you before he left. Many people would be like "eh, it's too complicated and too early in the relationship, let's just forget it"
    I think this is actually a really great turn of events. What a great work opportunity for him, and what a great way for you both to see how much you miss each other (or not)!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00191250739548524094 steph gas

    i think it sounds like a great opportunity for him - and for your relationship. even though it does suck, i think it could really help determine whether the relationship is meant for the long haul. a month isn't too long, but it's long enough for him to think about you and miss you. i agree with rhoyale - this could be enough to push your relationship to the next level, or it could be an opportunity to weed out another undeserving man!

  • http://lifebytesrealstories.wordpress.com/ lifebytesrealstories

    Wow, talk about a heart-dropping moment. He sounds like he really cares though and a month can go by really fast. "Absence make the heart grow fonder" maybe? He'll totally appreciate you even more when he returns!

  • http://midwesterngirldating.wordpress.com Bethm411

    Wow. It sucks that its happening, but its only a month. I am sure that you will be able to communicate over email and phone. Take this time to build the bond over email and the phone.

    There is a boy in my life that I have known since March. We text constantly and when he finally moved to the same state as me, he got shipped out for two months to work on the oil spill (coast guard). Its going by fast and when he gets back we have plans…

    So just hang in there sister.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04617294319074603189 doll

    am sure the month will speed by soonest…keep the faith girlfriend

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14101490537328642725 Lauren

    It's only a month! And in a few days, it'll just be 3 weeks….and he'll be back before you know it!! Just keep yourself busy in the interim :)

  • Regina

    I'm hoping that since this says 'Part One,' Part Two has better news, because seriously Cece.. it seems like you're overreacting to me. A month is not a big deal. You obviously don't have to put your life on hold for him but you sound like you're giving up all hope! I hope things work out between you too, it seems worth it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09827625567697800795 Monique

    A month isn't the long hun. Are you willing to stay open to something with him? Maybe you guys can discuss some terms. Plus there's always Skype, email and texting. You can have Skype dates and plan events for when he returns. I really like that this guy is into. He seems like the real deal

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09003971342905726455 Lisafashionista

    Ha, the first thing I thought when I read that post was that he was going to turn out to be a big liar, because Turkmenistan? Tigers? Seriously? But really - I think there sounds like real potential here. And don't forget, they all don't work out in the end….until the one who does. It really does happen. I'm married almost 3 years so I am proof!

  • http://www.tabayag.com Return to Sender

    I say think of it this way:

    It's only a month

    And how awesome is it that he is a guy whose job is to go hang out with Tigers in Turkmenistan? That's AMAZING - what a fabulous job! It just makes him more interesting!

    - Sarah

  • http://nessalovesmakeup.com Vanessa

    Oh Cece, it will be okay! A month will fly by with your new job that keeps you busy (saw your tweet yesterday :-) ). I wouldn't just assume that it's over, keep an open mind and he'll be back before you know it. He obviously cares if he put that much effort into seeing you before the trip and taking the time to let you know. Don't think negatively, you guys will be fine!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01365507225610079806 Michelle

    Well, that's not ideal, but it's a month, not a year!

    Of course, this is coming from a girl whose SO works overseas on a 4 month on/4 month off basis, so I've become accustomed to him being gone (though it's never easy).

    In any case, he sounds like a really interesting guy with a cool job and he sounds very interested in YOU.

    Keep in touch while he's gone if you're able and I'm sure absence will make your hearts grow fonder. Take it one day at a time!

    Plus, reunions are pretty awesome.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08118166101258845293 Kemi

    That's dissapointing especially because your relationship is progressing so well. On the positive its only a month, but its a month! Hopefully you will be able go talk on the phone alot before he comes back.

  • Anonymous

    CeCe,

    This really isn't the end of the world. I think this is the start of something great. I can't think of better way to ensure that this is the real thing,and see if you are both determined to stay connected while he is away. Also, you will have a chance to reconnect when he returns. If this does turn out to be a relationship, it is better if you are supportive of him and his career now. If the shoe were on the other foot, I am sure you will want him to do the same and do whatever it takes to make it work.

    Personally, I think it is refreshing that he cared about you and your enough to make sure that he saw you before he left. He took the time to tell you in person and he isn't expecting you to wait for him, but he made it known that he would like to continue what you have together.

    So take a deep breath and relax because the situation isn't as grave as you think. Plus the month will be over before you know it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04106092363732337130 Je m’appelle Danielle

    Obviously there is a part II to this, so I am waiting anxiously to read it. However, my 2 cents now, you guys just started dating, its not like your committed to him already.

    See if communication stays open while he is gone, whether it be from emailing, skype, IM, or old fashioned letters. Then you'll know for sure if there is something there.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11858532419311526011 The

    She agrees with Je m'appelle Danielle — this is still the early phases. She also knows of others in long distance relationships who made it work. It's hard, but be patient and see how things work out.

  • Anonymous

    I am going to agree with the commentators.

    A month is not THAT bad. I think you should be happy for him. Ironically, I would kill to "save the snow leopards in Turkmenistan." Really. That is just awesome.

    Even though it's early in your relationship, the distance my add a new dynamic for your relationship. He might be surprised about how much he misses you. Or you just might be surprised. It would surely work to deepen your connection with each other.

    I think you should view this as a positive.

    It's only a "snag" if you make it into one. (self-prophecy and all that).

    Relax, miss him, email (or call) and be happy upon his return.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15784498556795051990 Edlund

    The shoe already dropped with the last guy I dated.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14154356254069392823 One Lusty Sagittarian

    Well, it could be an opportunity to develop those email writing and skyping skills. Or it could be a nice little break to see if you're really into each other when he gets back. It doesn't have to BE the other shoe dropping….trying to be optimistic!

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