Filed Under: Curvy Conversations, Dating
I’m not a PSP but I have a friend who is, and she showed me your blog. You come of as very kind and beautiful person in your blog and even us skinnies can relate to a lot of the things you say in your posts. I really like your upbeat attitude.
I have a question: Are you and Robert of the same ethnicity? I’m Indian and I generally don’t date within my own ethnicity..like I’ve dated a lot of European guys, and you said in your blog that you don’t care about ethnicity either.
If you aren’t of the same ethnicity, are there complications that come up there? Just curious for your say on the topic.
I know there are some skinnies like you out there who read TBGB, I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to write to me! I love hearing from readers of all sizes, so this is great. To answer your question: Robert and I are both black, but as you know I am “down with the swirl” and have dated guys of all races. If there was a passport for dating, I’d have a stamp from every country by now….
In my experience, yes there are complications that come from interracial dating, but if you’re okay with doing a little extra work its nothing you can’t get through. As we discovered in the “Size & Race” series we’ve got going, race a complex topic, so I’m going to answer your questions in three parts: Public, Private and Family.
Public: In my experience, interracial dating will give you a rude awakening that people aren’t as liberal/progressive as we assume they are. Living in NYC, I thought that the diversity of this city and being in a diverse couple would go hand in hand. Not so much…
One of the first guys I dated in the city was a blond haired, blue eyed boy who could have stepped out of the pages of Tiger Beat. One night after a movie, we were standing on the train platform being all couply/cuddly. He had his jacket open and I had my arms around his waist inside of it as we waited for the train. We were cuddling in silence, when he whispered in my ear “everyone is staring at us”. I pulled away from him, and saw all of the middle-aged white upper west siders in the 72nd street station looking down their noses at us.
A few months later, we were riding the train in the Bronx. Our train car was empty and we sat together in the far corner, my legs draped over his (clearly we were a very touchy-feely duo). A group of subway workers finishing a shift got onto our train, they were all black. They gave us a once-over glance and then one of them broke away from the group, walked to where I was sitting with my boy and said to me “take your legs off of him, right now”. In my naiveté I thought it was a train safety concern, but the look of disdain on his and his coworkers faces quickly told me that they just didn’t want to see a brown girl like me cuddled up with a white boy.
Those were pretty extreme experiences, but even the day-to-day stares that we would get when we were together was enough to drive you crazy… if we let it.
When it comes to dating outside your race, my experience is that you both have to be each others advocates and protectors. You have to advocate and protect each other and yourselves as a couple because outside opinions from the public will come out and it wont always be pretty.
Even though race isn’t important to me, I understand that it’s an issue of importance in today’s world.
The awkward parts of interracial dating can put you and your boo in difficult spots from time to time, but it can also make you a super strong couple, because in some ways it’s the two of you against the world.
Next week, we’ll discuss the “Private” element of interracial dating.
Have any of YOU dated outside your race? Had any good/bad experiences?