Filed Under: Curvy Conversations, Dating
I was reading a magazine while doing my laundry and I came across this:
A few of you were like “duh. Men approach me a lot!” a few asked “what do these men consider to be ‘plus size’?” I also got a lot of responses saying “Where are these men?!?”
That third response resonated with me. The dating life of a Plus Size Princesses can sometimes feel like a scavenger hunt as we keep our eyes peeled for men who don’t have a problem dating a woman with curves (or lumps). I can remember going to clubs with my skinny friends and keeping my fingers crossed that just one guy in the club would be cool with dancing with me. And if they asked for my number? It was like lightning had struck!
So I’m thinking, if 78% of men polled would truly “Rather Date a Confident Plus Size Woman Than and Insecure Supermodel” why is it that PSPs don’t feel like we’ve got a chance with 78% of the men out there?
(side note: For this post I’m going to skip over the confidence piece, because I get annoyed with the constant “have confidence!” advice out there. But I will revisit the confidence element in another post.)
Okay, back to this 78% thing. Here’s what I’m wondering. Glamour mag didn’t say 78% of attractive doctors and lawyers over six feet tall would prefer a +size girl with confidence. They said 78% of men. So that includes of all types of men, not just what we consider ideal.
When I first moved to NYC, I was approached by men as much as (or maybe more) than my skinny friends, but I never went on dates. Why? Because the men who approached me weren’t “what I was looking for”. At that time, the only guys I would give attention to were the ones who looked like boy band members (don’t laugh, it’s what I liked!). I didn’t care what race you were as long as you could dance, had a megawatt smile, dressed well and had a sharp haircut. Those guys weren’t interested in me and the ones that were turned out to be gay, so… yeah (actually, you should laugh at me!).
I’m not saying we need to lower our standards. If you’re a TBGB reader you know that’s not what I’m about. (If this is your first time here read Superficial Fat Chicks or Can a Big Girl Date a Hot Guy). But I’m wondering if that 78% of men who would consider dating us is comprised of dudes that we’re passing up for reasons that don’t matter.
I’ve talked a million times about making little adjustments to my non negotiables for a man. As a 5’10 girl, deciding that I no longer needed a guy who was above 6 feet was huge for me. But guess what? If I was still holding onto that 6 foot rule, Robert, at 5’10 and 3/4, wouldn’t have made the cut.
A few years ago I was walking on 72nd and Broadway, ranting to myself about how I never attracted the “right” kind of guys. As I crossed the street, there was a tall man who worked for NYC Sanitation emptying a garbage can. Like this guy I thought to myself He’s probably attracted to me but… and before I could finish my thought, the sanitation worker told me I was beautiful and asked if he could call me. I politely declined, but if I were single and could do it again, I would give him a chance.
I wrote him off based on his profession and that was wrong. He wasn’t bad looking, he could have been the most well read/caring man in the world and… he worked for the city which means he had health insurance!
My point is, before we whine that men are just passing us by, lets look around and make sure we’re not letting a good one go.
Just a thought!