Oh! Another thing! What happened to the gym guy? He sounded so cute… lol

OMG! First, I want to say I saw that episode of Millionaire Matchmaker and was so disappointed because Robin was batshit crazy, but also Patti showed her straight up ignorance that episode.

Second, I’m attracted to tall guys. I don’t have nothing against shorties but I’m 5’7, I have big hair, and if you add heels to that just aint no way it’s going to work boo.

I will say I’ve had shallow moments, and I’m not perfect but I definitely don’t think my wants are ridiculous.

Great Post Girl!

I have had this same problem. I was sitting with friends chatting away about guys, when a skinny friend/acquaintance says, “I saw this big girl with a super hot guy yesterday. I don’t understand why all of the ugly girls get the hot guys.” I was so taken aback by her statement, I really couldn’t speak. When I got myself under control, I just casually asked…”Are you saying that all big girls are ugly because they are fat? And that I, being a big girl, am not allowed to date a guy because he is hot?” I know I am big, but I also know my mind and my wants. I should not have to settle because of my weight. Does that mean I might be single longer…maybe, maybe not. Here’s to hoping that all the amazing super hot guys fall for all of us amazing super hot PSPs!
Oh and by the way…I am new to your blog and love it! I stayed in all day Sunday reading your archives! Great stuff!

People are flipping ignorant. Racism, sexism, sizism – it all boils down to people’s own insecurities. What the American PSP in Germany’s acquaintance really meant was “Why can’t I get a hot guy?” People use the term “fat” to mean “less than” or “unworthy.” I’ll bet this “skinny” friend is either obsessed with not becoming fat or already thinks she’s fat.

I’ve had the same thing – people make a negative a comment about fat people, then turn to me and say something like “But obviously YOU’RE not fat – you’re buxom/curvy/vulumptuous, and besides, you’re gorgeous!” No, I’m not “curvy” – I’m a size 22/24. Sure, I’m tall, but whichever way you swing it, that’s fat. But, yes, I am gorgeous and not IN SPITE of my size. Perhaps (dare I say it?) my large size contributes to my attractiveness.

I think we need to make an effort to call these people out. It’s ignorant, it’s hurtful, and I’m a firm believer that when it comes to being uncomfortable, it’s an eye for an eye. If you say something that makes me squirm, I’ve got no problem throwing it right back at you. Way to go, American PSP!

I read your rant and I raise you a hug. And offer some additional brainfood for thought.

At the risk of sounding like one of those constantly positive people you just want to smack sometimes, I am here to tell you that while those discriminations and stereotypes definitely exist (I suffered through them too!) and are incredibly painful, there – are – men out there who will like you “just as you are.” I’m a believer. One of them found me, and I am telling you there is a difference in how he thinks. Quite simply, he states, “You are so much more than just that one thing [fill in the blank with that thing that bothers you or someone discriminates against you for].”

In other words, you are more than just your extra pounds. You are more than just your job. You are more than just the contents of your wallet (Thank you Fight Club). You are more than just the color of your skin. You are more than just your height, eye color, baldness, etc etc etc whatever perceived flaw or shortcoming or less than perfect part of you that society is implying you simply don’t measure up in – their – eyes. The moment you let that define who you are, you’re heading in the wrong direction for finding intimacy.

It isn’t about settling. It is about acceptance. Of yourself. I know, very hard to accept yourself when you’ve never had anyone in your life who accepted you “just as you are.” But the work it takes to get there is a two-way street.

In my opinion, the questions to ponder aren’t how do we get people to stop discriminating (they won’t) or how do we get people to broaden their minds and perspectives, preferences etc. We can’t. All you can do is live your life by example, live it to the fullest, and try to surround yourself with people of a like mindset. After all, you can lead a person to new knowledge, but only they can change their perspective.

I absolutely hate that people think Plus Sized Divas can’t be in a relationship with a man who is just “lick the bowl” fine. For instance, there is this guy who lives in my neighborhood. It never fails that we bump into each other. Is he attractive? Hell no. Not to mention that he dresses like a bum BUT tries to impress me every time by pulling out a [small] wad of cash. Oh and did I mention he has one eye. That alone creeps me out because he doesn’t wear a patch or anything but that’s besides the point. I tell my best friend, who’s a male, about this guy. My friend tell me, since I want companionship so bad I should just take what I’ve been getting. EXCUSE ME?! Is it because I’m 250+ pounds that I have to settle for the guy with run over gym shoes, hole filled clothing and one eye?! I think not. I don’t settle, never have, NEVER WILL! I’d rather invest in a 100 pack of batteries and buy a “rabbit” instead! LOVE the blog!

http://tha-kspot.blogspot.com/

I saw that episode and was mortified. Patti’s behavior wasn’t surprising to me in the least, she has said anti-fat things before. While I *completely* disagree with her views on fat meaning not taking care of yourself, I can see where she (as a business person) has to find what the client prefers with regard to the men who prefer thinner women. Most of those guys come in with a specific idea and preference in their heads and are not paying all that money to have their views on societal standards challenged (as much as we all would like that). That said, I think some of her comments regarding “deserving” to the female millionairess were WAY off base. I don’t think she would be asking an “ugly” make millionaire why he deserves a stereotypically beautiful woman. She will call the guys to task on behavior, but not so much on looks since it is almost a given that the money makes up for it where the men are concerned.

However, I was more horrified at the behavior of Robin, the plus size client. Supposedly she was in PR and there is no way I would want that woman representing me in anything. I found her to be a horrible example of a successful plus size woman – face it, we get enough bad press without her awful behavior being another example of it. Her flirting was truly bad, I seriously think that one of those guys could have said “Oh, I’m a serial killer” and she was have giggled and said “I loooovvveee serial killers”. And then the wine through a straw and the hello kitty stuff – could she have been more infantalized by this process? I think those are things that should have been addressed more instead of harping on whether she “deserves” a hot guy! Robin definitely has some issues, but whether she deserves a good looking man is not one of them!

What I would really like to see would be a successful and gorgeous plus size client who behaved like an adult and showed the world that women of all sizes can be successful and beautiful, inside and out and that there are men out there who respond to that. Even better than that would be to have a male client who prefers plus size women and not have him be treated like a freak or a fetishist. Pipe dreams, I know, but it would be nice to have more awesome portrayals of plus size women in the media!

Also, I’m really sorry that friend at the bar said that kind of thing in front of you. It’s really sad to me when people have those sorts of opinions, but even worse when they let them out and offend someone else. Depending on the company, I’d have called her on it right then and there but I know there are times that would make everyone else uncomfortable. Hopefully you don’t have to be around her very often! What a shallow friend!

I agree with Chandra^ that the Matchmaker was merely trying to understand where the Millionairess sense of entitlement came from.

As for love handles, there’s nothing wrong with them! And the girl who made that comment about attractive people going for chubby people, then looked at you is a b-i-t-c-h. What the fuck, learn some manners!!

I can’t type fast enough to respond to everything I thought when reading this post! I saw that episode too and I cosign almost all of the comments, although I did wonder why a woman who is supposedly rich would be dressed so badly? It’s almost like they wanted to portray a crazy, badly dressed fat girl and then say “Isn’t it incredible that she thinks she should have a good looking guy?” Okay, I know that “reality” tv floats on portrayals of the lunatic fringe and tries to make us believe the stereotypes, but this was off the charts. I also saw the wedding show with the plus bride with the short hair and she did look beautiful. I also loved that most of the “bigger brides” on that show selected strapless or sphaghetti strapped dresses. And finally, I had a boyfriend for a number of years who was a personal trainer. He clearly appreciated the larger figure and spoke often of how many of his friends/colleagues were attracted to larger women but weren’t sure how to “deal” with those attractions. But it’s getting better, right?

It sounds like thats what that friend honestly believes. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised that if you settled down before her, she would be a bitter hater. It doesn’t seem like your friends with her, so thats a good thing.

What pisses me off about people like that is they lump you into one stereotype, for every person who is overweight. Like my dinner constantly consists of Big Macs and supersized french fries. Maybe you should read my book instead of judge my cover.

Seriously, with people like that I just want to ask them how life is over in Perfectville.

I just recently discovered your blog and I love it! As a size 24 PSP, I find your articles refreshing! You’ve given me newfound confidence. R U going to post any pics of yourself? I would love to see the face behind the blog.

Ahhh…finally! I’ve been waiting for a post like this to get my brain a-churnin’! First of all, I am plus-sized. (22/24 to be specific) I work in the healthcare field where most women are petite and starving themselves to be thinner. And what have I noticed about all of these beautiful, intelligent yet insecure women? THEY ALL HAVE BOYFRIENDS/FIANCE’S/HUSBANDS. My best friend is a size 6. She is my fiercest cheerleader in the self-esteem category but when her (chubby) boyfriend comments on slight weight gain she practically starves herself to be “thinner”! WTF?! Maybe our rage should not be with other women. We females (PSP, thin, curvy, etc.) are competing for MEN! They put insecurities into our heads that we are not beautiful when they blatantly admire other women in our presence. We allow them to point out our physical shortcomings without repercussion. (Imagine telling your man he has a small you-know-what when he tells you to lose 10 pounds) By killing ourselves to look differently, we’re telling them that the grass is greener on the other side. We ALL need to put men in their place, no matter what size you are. I’m a PSP and I demand that a man pay for the first date, act gentlemanly and talk to me with respect because above all else, I am a LADY. I firmly believe that if all women banded together with this mentality, then all men will begin to see women for the beautiful creatures we are…not just body types! And vice versa for shallow females!

I loved your article and think you had great points. First of all, Robin is not superficial at all. The show creates a character they want people to see. Robin is a smart girl who dates intelligent guys with advanced degrees. Her ex graduated from Cornell and Columbia and was a big firm lawyer. They just made her look superficial though editing. Also, it is offensive to say that just because a girl is plus sized that she deserves a 5 instead of a 10. What are we? Second class citizens? Ugly? Deformed? Of course not. Plus size girls like Robin are gorgeous, accomplished, fun, sweet and are deserving of love. Just because the show made her out to be superficial for the storyline doesn’t mean she is. Also, the message is totally backwards to other plus size glamor girls. Robin has a lot to offer a guy. She is gorgeous and fun and smart and owns her own business and her own apartment. She has a lot to offer a guy and she takes care of herself just fine. And to think that some guys ::GASP:: actually prefer women with curves is shocking? Give me a break. Guys love girls with hips and curves. The archetype of fashion models who have starved men’s bodies with zero hips and curves is created by the fashion industry and is not attractive to most red blooded American men. I dislike the message this show sends to plus size girls because, in real life, Robin is quite a catch and deserves a great guy, as do all of you plus size princesses!

Absolutely love this post. I am so glad to know that I’m not the only one who’s still slightly insecure when a good looking guy approaches me. But it also annoys me to no end when I see a cute “chubby” guy who’s only interested in skinny chicks. Direct quote on one guy’s dating profile was, “Size 2, 4, 6 and 8; those are sizes I appreciate (no BBWs need respond).” Now this man was definitely a big guy with a paunch on him. Seriously?!?! If you don’t want to date “fat chicks”, what on earth makes you think “skinny chicks” want to date you?

As annoying as Patti can be, some of her advice is fairly straightforward. But the numero uno thing that bothers me: Millionaire Matchmaker services are free. REALLY!?!?!?! You’re offering your services to MILLIONAIRES for free? That, and she gives free reign to her criticism of others but apparently has yet to look in the mirror at some of the things she walks out of the house in.

I’m a small girl whose always been a size 0, but I’ve never been attracted to a particular size or shape when it comes to guys! It’s just all about chemistry for me and sometimes that may be with a guy who has Ryan Reynolds’ abs or it could be just a short guy with an average physique.

I can somewhat understand where Patti is coming from though. I remember in another episode, the millionaire was a guy who was overweight and he ONLY wanted to date small girls with fit bodies. Patti said to that, “Well you might have to kind of compromise on that because you don’t even take care of your own body and a fit girl will want to date a fit guy who also likes staying in shape, exercising, etc.”

“Why is it that even though I have strong opinions about this stuff… I’m still surprised when hot guys flirt with me at the gym?”

It’s because you have (we all have) heard those sterotypes all our lives so whether we agree with them or not our subconscious starts to believe them

I completely understand why you’re annoyed. I’m freaking annoyed too and here’s why
Why can’t a Plus Size Princess “deserve” an attractive guy?
- PSP’s do deserve attractive guys but only if they’re GOOD PEOPLE. For some reason, society is perfectly okay with bitchy pretty girls and old rich guys but they can’t stand nice pretty PSPs with hot men! I think it’s their own prejudices and fears. Women work hard on their bodies and are convinced that if they’re attractive enough, someone amazing will love them. However, if that amazing guy falls for someone with a bigger body, this kills their theory and all their hard work… so they’ll just reject it.
Why is it that the minute a plus size girl expresses ANY kind of physical desires in her mate, she’s considered superficial or shallow?
- People are idiots. Why is it okay for plus size men to express interest in a Jessica Alba-types? It’s just plain sexism at work here. Women are now being undermined on a totally different level. We’re pitched against each other in the battle for mates and we’re told that we’re always substandard and that we should go for what we can get. I used to be really picky- I still am. But apparently, it’s only now that I’ve lost 60 lbs when I’m allowed to be picky. I mean, WTF!
Why was the idea of my friend Kayla (who is gorgeous, with the perfect hour glass shape) liking a chubby guy so outrageous?
- Try replacing Kayla with Kyle, a six pack and a preference for chubby girls and -then- watch the hair fly.
Why is it that even though I have strong opinions about this stuff… I’m still surprised when hot guys flirt with me at the gym?
- Because billboards, TV, magazines… they’re all telling you differently. You can try holding your convictions because you’re sure you’re right but will you really eat an apple if the whole world is telling you, it’s poisoned? Probably not.

This is something that continually pisses me off. I used to blog about it when I was bigger but I never really went crazy because I blamed myself and my weight. It’s only now that I’m small when I’ve realized the torture I was put through and that women are still put through if they don’t fit into this crazy ideal of what “looks good”. Now, I’m a freaking fat-loving fanatic… which is sad because I feel like it’s only when I lost the weight when I could regain my voice. People will only take me seriously now that I’m skinny. Before, if I ever tried criticizing the media, I’d get those “oh well you’re just saying that because you’re fat” looks. I’m so mad about it and I’m glad you guys are too!

Isn’t it ironic that we all have our own preferences and “types” yet when someone else tells us their preferences all of a sudden they’re shallow for not being interested in dating EVERYONE!

I think we’re all allowed to be shallow in some level. You’ve got to know what you want.

i`v seen a lot of plus size girls going out with hot guys like super hot and i wonder how they get them, i mean do they come in a paket once a months cos i seem not fine a guy that wants me. i mean they flirt with me but thats it it never gos anywhere after that. but my days r changing im in college and now theres this boy he dose sports and bes really buff you wouldnt even think hes 17. anyway me and him started talking on facebook and he started flirting with me but i didnt flirt back, then out the blue he tells me he loves me i thought it was a joke at first so i said it back to him. so we talked and talked and i dont know whats happening, im shocked because he asked me out i said yes but we havent gone on our date yes. cos i just injured my knee really bad. hes being such a sweet heart on and of facebook. i mean should i believe this guy is this all really. i never had a boyfriend before could he be my first or is he just playing with my mind. what should do, should i suck it up and just go for it and if i get hurt broken i`ll always have ben & jerry haha. please some one tell me what to do. im a plus size girl and im coming in to the world of dating thanks xx

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