Filed Under: Curvy Conversations, Dating
My very skinny live-in boyfriend loves “large women” with “meat on their bones”. He makes “hubba hubba” noises as he’s grabbing the flab on the back of my arms or kneading my belly dough. I’ve been having a hard time dealing with my image issues and how his compliments manage to make me feel exactly like shit when he’s obviously not trying to be rude. The trouble is that I love to cook and adore good food. As a PSP, I tend to joke about my weight, claiming that I didn’t get this figure by looking at the pictures in the cooking magazines. My suburb can support a few chain restaurants, but there’s not much demand for anything too exotic. I was very happy to have found a French restaurant featuring daily lunch specials of simply grilled fish, chicken braised in wine, and pan roasted salmon filets – interesting but healthy options without the temptation of hollandaise, Mornay, bechamel, and Bernaise. I have been really depressed that I haven’t lost much weight despite an increase in activity and decrease in calories, so it was nice to look forward to something. As I’m chattering away and making plans for brunch and some shopping, he leans over me, kisses me on the back of the neck, and whispers those three little words in my ear.
Remember your diet.
I couldn’t have been more surprised than if he’d thrown a bucket of cold water in my face. As if I don’t struggle to make sensible and healthy choices every waking moment of every single day. He has no idea what it’s like to have just eaten and to start thinking about the next meal, or to be stuffed but still wonder if there is anything interesting on the dessert menu. He has no idea how hard it is to reach for steamed vegetables while he’s having another serving of mashed potatoes and gravy. He doesn’t help me remember my diet when he asks me to make French toast and sausage every weekend, or requests his burritos fried in butter. When he doesn’t want “a heavy dinner” of chicken, rice, and vegetables he eats an entire bag of potato chips, beef jerky, and a box of hot tamales in front of the TV. He can’t watch a movie without a tub of popcorn in his lap, preferably not that “low fat stuff that tastes like cardboard.” It’s odd of him to remember my diet when he ate three enormous helpings of tortellini Alfredo with ham at the pot luck last night.
I’m not sure why I’m writing other than my feelings were really hurt, and I was hoping for some sympathy from my fellow PSP.
Three helpings of Tortellini Alfredo and Ham… Oh My! I do sympathize with you! I know first hand what its like to struggle with the effects of every bite while everyone else shovels food in their mouths and somehow manages to stay slim. But lets look at things from a different angle for a moment… maybe if we turn the tables we’ll be able to see things with fresh eyes:
Lets pretend that your boyfriend was balding. He had a receding hairline when you met him and it never bothered you. Actually, you find the “Mr. Clean” look to be very sexy and maybe you’ve even suggested that he shave it all off. But he refuses and instead continues to come up with inventive hairstyles to cover up what genetics are doing to him. One day you’re flipping through a magazine and you run across an advertisement for a hair restoration program. You rip it out of the paper and casually leave it on the kitchen counter with the mail in case he wants to check it out. Does this mean that your view and preference for his bald head has changed? No. Does it mean that you think he needs hair restoration? No. Does it mean you saw something that might make him happy and wanted to share it? Probably.
When we love someone, we often take up causes that aren’t necessarily our own. To me, “remember your diet” sounds like a boyfriend trying to show his support for his girlfriends cause. Its not a warning, or a scolding because he obviously adores you and your body, even to the point of annoyance (i.e.”hubba hubba”). But he’s realizing that weight loss is important to you and so, he’s making it important to him.
Anyone who gets involved with a PSP develops a relationship with her weight as well. I’ve had people who liked me except for my weight… in spite of my weight… because of my weight and all of these people had different reactions whenever I’d express a desire to change my body.
I could be wrong, but it sounds like your boyfriend just wants you to be happy… whatever that looks like.
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